Writing these helmet sticker articles is becoming increasingly easier as the season rolls on. With the last two games resembling the Fort Hood Massacre (too soon?) I'm looking even more forward to the basketball season, as if that will be any better. We all knew the likely outcome to the game, but it sure as hell would have been nice to score a point. Couldn't the officials and OU at least just let us kick an extra point without the precursor of scoring a touchdown? That would save us the humiliation of being shutout and make that score look a lot funnier considering it's impossible. 52-1....that's got a nice ring to it. In other news Bob Stoops is still a douche bag that wears a sun visor at night. Corey Hart just walked in and wants to do a duet titled 'I Wear My SunVisor at Night.'
IOWA STATE VS. OKLAHOMA - OCTOBER 16TH 6:00PM
FINAL SCORE: IOWA STATE (3-4, 1-2) 0 - OKLAHOMA (6-0, 2-0) 52
OFFENSIVE WRNL HELMET STICKER:
Due to insufficient evidence of the offense ever stepping foot on the field, I have no clue who to award this to. So I'm leaving this one up to our readers. I want everybody to weigh in via the comments to tell this dumbfounded writer who the shit actually deserves this award because I'm shootin blanks.
DEFENSIVE WRNL HELMET STICKER:
Kirby Van Der Kamp, P - Of course when your offense forces you to punt 7 times (8 if you include Austen Arnaud's quick kick) the punter is going to get a lot of chances to shine. He did just that. Averaging 52 yards per kick with a long of 61 yards and putting 3 of his 7 inside the 20 yard line is outstanding. Remember when everyone was worried about replacing Mike Brandtner? Don't worry now, his successor is here. Big shout out to Kirby's parents and sister. While I wasn't present, many of our writers were "enjoying" the game at, local drinking establishment, The Ridgemont and ran into the Van Der Kamp family. We thank you for reading, and actually liking, our site.
SURPRISE WRNL HELMET STICKER:
Towel Boy B, TB - I've gotten solid word that Towel Boy B is being promoted after his performance Saturday night. I had the opportunity to watch B's exquisite technique and hard work during game-play, timeouts, and halftime. He simply out-shined Towel Boy A. I got a chance to ask B some questions upon his return to Ames wherein I learned of his promotion. He was very humble, saying "I got my chance when I saw Towel Boy A flirting with one of the Water Girls. A timeout was called and I busted my ass to the team huddle to get them toweled off and I guess it was noticed." He went on to say he was grateful for the opportunity and looks forward to being the senior Towel Boy in future games.
COMMEORATIVE GENE CHIZIK COIN:
Ryan Broyles, WR - This one is a no-brainer. 15 catches for 182 yards and a TD. I hope you pull a groin muscle because that shit hurts.
NEXT WEEK: TEXAS (CAN'T WAIT!)