Homer walks slowly through a dark, smoke-filled shop. Strange, exotic smells fill the air, while arcane relics from a by-gone era clutter the shelves. The proprietor, a short, pale man of indeterminate Asian origin, takes a long drag off of his pipe and waves Homer over to the counter that he stands behind.

  Do you sell web-based athletic streaming services here?

  We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread.

  We also sell red and gold ice cream cones! Which I call... "Clone Cones."

Oh. Well I need something that will let me watch Cyclone games on my laptop.

...perhaps THIS will please the gentleman!

  Take this object... but beware! It carries an $8.95/month subscription fee!
  Ooh... That's Bad!
But it will allow you to stream games in High Definition!
  Ooh, That's Good!
The High-Definition stream doesn't have a scoreboard or clock on screen.
  Oh... That's Bad!
It allows you to watch Football and Basketball from anywhere with a WiFi connection!
  That's Good!
But only games that aren't televised on real television networks.
That's Bad.
It does include a plethora of Olympic sporting events, and several of the non-conference men's basketball games.
That's Good!
... All thanks to a blood contract that Mr. Pollard struck with the great evil known as Mediacom.

.......
That's bad.
Can I go now?