Iowa City: Elevated. Iowa City, this is as low as it gets for you. With the game in Ames this year, the Latt is waiting for you.
Des Moines: General. Due to his love of smoked animal flesh, Des Moines has fallen into a state of general favor with the Latt. Jethro's pleases him greatly. But don't get cocky about it, Des Moines.
Ames: Low. With football practice around the corner, the Latt is slumbering, preparing for his feast of walk-ons and incoming freshmen.
Sioux City: High. The Latt has a low tolerance for both White Trash and natural disasters. Begin preparation immediately.
Smithville, TN: Severe. One of your residents has questioned the Latt. May God have mercy on your unwashed souls. It. Is. Too. Late.