This Friday night the Iowa State Fighting Steele Jantz’s will take on the Connecticut Huskies in a battle for football relevance. In preparation, the WRNL staff is busy acquiring various diseases which we cash in for a doctor’s note so we get the day off of work. Norman’s Mom has never come in so handy (pun intended). That got us thinking … what is Connecticut? who is Connecticut? and most importantly, why is there a damn "c" in the middle of Connecticut that you never pronounce? – it's such a waste.
So, after literally minutes of research, here is your WRNL Guide to Connecticut. Take it with you on the plane, study up, and get ready for the clam chowder and tea-bag party awaiting you as you land. (that's called a "Connecticut Welcome").
Where is it?
Connecticut is on the east coast, in that whole mess of states that makes up Northern New England. Major cities probably include parts of New York, Boston, Manhattan, Gotham, etc. Connecticut’s state population is roughly equivalent to Iowa, however with only about a 10th of the breathing room. Thankfully, its populace has the 2nd lowest obesity rate in the nation, so they fit better in small spaces.
What about the University?
UConn is located in "Storrs, Mansfield, CT" – no explanation of the dual city code is given, so that seems sort of fucked up. The University was established in 1881 as a land grant, agricultural school. They have an undergrad enrollment right around 20,000 and enjoy women’s basketball much more than the general population. In short, it’s Iowa State with an ocean and an accent.
What are they famous for?
Tom Brady mostly, Connecticut supplies nearly a fifth of all the virgins sacrificed for the continued success of the New England Patriots. To be clear Mr Brady was not actually born in Connecticut, but the state is the birthplace of one of Texas’s most beloved sons, the Austin Angel: George W Bush. Other famous residents include Glenn Beck, Andy Rooney & Benedict Arnold – suddenly Ashton Kutcher seems way less embarrassing.
Do they like lobster?
Connecticonians fucking love lobster.
Why is there a "c" in the middle of Connecticut?
The explanation the internet gives us is that the state got its name from the Mohegan tribe word quinnitukqut which means "death by smallpox". That doesn’t really explain the wasted "c", but does prove that its spelling could have been far worse.
Are you going to tell us anything relevant about the game?
Fine, if you really want information: The Cyclones are 3-3 all-time versus teams with a Husky as a mascot. However, no one on the current UConn roster is named Steele or Jantz – so there's nothing to fear.