March 1, 2013: A coffee shop in Ames, IA. Iowa State and Missouri are at a table together
Hey Missouri, good to see you again. Thanks for meeting me here. I know we haven't seen each other in a while... what, about a year, right?
Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about how things ended. We had a good run, kid. 114 years together, that's notthing to sniff at. So yeah, the last couple years were rough, and things didn't work out the way they should have. I can understand now why you ran off with that dic... Sorry, the SEC.
Hey, it's dark in here. You don't need to wear those sunglasses inside. You should take them...
Wait. What. Is. THAT?! Is that a fucking black eye?! How did you get that?!
Oh, fuck that. You walked into a door? That's bullshit and you know it. It's that bastard SEC isn't it? The SEC is beating you now?!
Look, you have to get out of this relationship. SEC is no good for you, and you know it. I've heard stories. And look at yourself! You've got a shiner and... HOLY SHIT. Is that a cast? Did the SEC break your arm?! This is awful!
Missouri, you know I never wanted you to leave home. We were together for over 100 years! That might not mean much to you, but it means something to me. It means something to Kansas, to Kansas State; to everyone you left behind when you skipped town.
And you were doing so well in the Big XII. Sure, you didn't have any football or basketball championships, but you had... other things going for you. Really, you did. You weren't a star, but you were a member of a family.
Hey, hey, I'm not attacking you, I want to help you. But think about the last few years you were together. We weren't getting along, and you need to recognize your role in that. You were always talking about how you needed more out of life. More money, more stability... We gave you everything you needed! We just renegotiated our TV contract, and everyone back home is rolling in money. Have you seen the new additions to our house?
And more stability? Pardon my French Mizzou, but that's a crock of shit. YOU were the driving force behind the instability in our relationship. You started flirting with the Big Ten, sniffing around them like a dog in heat. Frankly, it was disgusting the way you threw yourself at them. And when they rejected you, we were here for you. Like a sucker, we let you back into our lives... back into our hearts.
And you just walked out the door a year later. No gratitude, no loyalty. We vouched for you, stayed with you when you were down. And you ditched us for the fucking SEC. That flashy pimp, I'd like to knock his teeth...
Sorry, sorry, I'm getting worked up. You're right, I am angry. Angry at your decision, and angry at the position you're in right now. But I can't help you anymore. Your old family can't help you anymore. You chose to be with the SEC, and that choice is hurting you. But until you understand that this is a toxic relationship and kick the SEC to the curb, you're going to keep struggling.
Postscript: Two years later Missouri will turn up dead in the woods outside of Fayetteville, Arkansas