It’s been a while since our beloved Cyclones have made the NCAA tournament and as such it’s important to stay calm and enjoy every minute of it. A lot has changed in college basketball and the world since March 2005, so follow these basic rules for a successful run in March.
No one likes being at work, but its even worse when games start at 11 a.m. and you’re stuck listening to Lumbergh talk about TPS reports. Use any excuse possible. It’s been 7 years since you’ve had a chance to see ISU in the big dance. It is totally acceptable to use the "Grandma died yesterday from a freak lightning storm while paddling up the Mississippi river in a Tupperware container" excuse for March Madness.
4.) Your bracket is totally fucked.
Sure you may have spent the last 4 months in your basement working your bracket over with fervor, watching games and analyzing stats, but when ISU is involved, throw that shit into the proverbial trash. Just don’t be a Jerry Palm and have the Cyclones winning the national title with byes.
Well played Jerry, well played.
3.) Sign up for March Madness through CBS.
If you can’t follow rule #5 after taking too many sick days for Bonaroo last year, sign up for March Madness through CBS. This handy (hehehe handy) little tool allows you to stream every game live in ‘stunning HD.’ Now if you’re like me, ‘stunning HD’ probably means trying to decipher a boob through scrambled Skinemax (fap fap fap). Either way its better than radio or a pirated stream where later on you’ll have to answer to HR why you were at "watchtvnow.com/wet-holes-stretched-by-black-ploes"
These are the HR assholes you will have to answer to for your hole stretching shenanigans. The guy on the far left is with you though.
2.) Be that Guy
If someone runs down ISU, tell him or her to go fuck a chicken. ISU made the tournament. Iowa did not. This is a fact that will drive Iowa fans wild and get them mad again (Iowa’s marketing department is full retard). Iowa fans will try anything to be douches and get under your skin during our time in the sun. Don’t roll over and take it. Fight back with this gem.
God, Greg Brunner was bald.
And oh yeah, Iowa hasn’t been to the NCAA Tourney in 7 years either. Fuckers.
1.) Get Gloriously Drunk and Cheer Loud
This event only happens once a year and even then, you never know when ISU will appear again. I have little doubt that Fred Hoiberg (ohh, I’m wet) will get ISU back in the tourney on a consistent basis going forward, but this first tournament is gonna be sweet. So jump in the car, drive to Louisville, get glorious drunk, cheer loud, and have fun watching ISU go on a deep run this March.