FanPost

The Legend of Gladis Hefty

Reese Strickland-USA TODAY Sports

Storytelling has been an integral part of human culture for nearly our entire history as a species. From Greek mythology to tall tales from the Wild West, stories passed down through generations have captured our collective imaginations. However, today I will tell you a completely true and factual story of a living(?) legend who has graced the presence of Cyclone fans for the past few years.

This is the legend of Gladis Hefty.

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Gladis Hefty first appeared at a Cyclone Men's Basketball game in 2012, cheering with the students in Cyclone Alley. She was dismissed as another student wearing a costume, nothing far out of the ordinary. Then, Gladis shocked all those in attendance. As the flag runner was warming up for the traditional flag run near the end of the second half, Gladis appeared on the upper balcony. Surely she was there to just to watch the run, maybe offer some encouragement to the runner....right? No. In a glorious flash of lightning, Gladis took off in front of the runner. Gladis displayed supreme, superhuman athleticism, dashing out in front of the runner to a nearly immeasurable distance. The audience stood stupefied, paralyzed by the blinding pace displayed before them.

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The only known image of Gladis Hefty on that fateful day in 2012.

Look at that! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a morbidly obese woman who can apparently run really fast!

For years, the Cyclone faithful have sought answers to questions regarding the bearded lady's identity. While nobody can be sure, the leading theory is that Gladis Hefty acquired a "skinny suit" and paraded around Ames under the false alias of former Iowa State linebacker Craig Jared Brackens. The "linebacker" displayed the same athleticism and unusually manly lady-beard as Gladis Hefty. It all made sense. The stars had aligned. For the next few years, Lady Hefty occasionally publicly displayed her mesmerizing athleticism at Cyclone basketball games and on Friday/Saturday nights on Welch Ave.

Then, suddenly, she disappeared.

Nobody really knows where Gladis went or why she left. The disappearance also mysteriously coincided with the graduation" of her alter ego, Jared Brackens. Given her mystical past and superhuman abilities, the most logical conclusion to be made is that she was called back on assignment by Professor Xavier for a classified mission with the X-Men. However, this only a theory. In reality, we do not know where she has gone or when she will return, if ever.

For my money, Gladis will return.

Legends remain forever.

FanPosts are written by members of the WRNL community, not the WRNL staff. Any opinions expressed in this FanPost are the author's only.