Wide Right & Natty Lite - All Posts

Iowa State Football and Arrested Development

2013-05-22T17:22:31Z

Like many of you, I'm eagerly anticipating the return of Arrested Development and I'm sure I'm not alone in that I've spent the last several weekends binge-watching every episode on Netflix to get caught up. Even when enjoying a great program like Arrested Development, I still find myself (for better or for worse) drawing parallels to Iowa State football. Going into his fifth season in Ames, one could argue that the football program itself is in a state of arrested development. Yes, Paul Rhoads has brought respect and excitement to Cyclone football, but the facts are this; Iowa State has three straight losing seasons, has never won more than 7 games under Rhoads and from a talent perspective, ISU still ranks near the bottom in the conference when it comes to pure talent on the field.

Now, please don't confuse this with some sort of bash session, because that couldn't be further than the truth. You won't find a bigger Paul Rhoads fan than me, but I'm just trying to make a point for the sake of tying a great show and my alma mater's football program together, and besides, as Iowa State fans, our sanity depends on being able to laugh at ourselves from time to time. Which leads me to this...

I know this concept isn't unique and many have pulled off something similar, but I was struck by how many quotes the show had to offer that paralleled a certain aspect of the ISU football program. So here are a few of the more famous quotes from this terrific show and how they made me think of Iowa State football.

J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.

How unfortunately apt this quote is to Iowa State's off season. It was revealed in April that Iowa State had self-reported recruiting violations to the NCAA, the majority of which included improper documenting of phone calls to recruits. As a way to teach his children valuable life lessons, George Bluth Sr. would often call on his friend J. Walter Weatherman, who'd lost his arm, to carry out these hilariously graphic lessons. This lesson in particular revolved around leaving a note as you can tell, which immediately made me think of all the undocumented calls Iowa State placed to recruits which appeared to be minor in nature, but could carry serious consequences. Given that Iowa State self-reported the violations and conducted their own thorough investigation, one can hope that Iowa State has learned its lesson and that the NCAA doesn't feel so inclined to carry out further punishment.

Michael: (To G.O.B.) I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad's always played us off each other.

Michael and G.O.B. carry an interesting dynamic throughout the series. Although the younger of the two, Michael is tasked with carrying out the day-to-day operations of keeping the family together and that often involves corralling his brother G.O.B. This is how I picture the relationship between defensive coordinator, Wally Burnham, and offensive coordinator Courtney Messingham (and Tom Herman before him). In an offense-comes-first league like the Big 12, ideally, the Cyclone offense should be leading the way. Instead, it's been Burnham's defense that has kept Iowa State competitive. Through four years, the Cyclone offense has finished second to last in the conference in total offense every single year and only managed to crack the 25 points per game barrier this last season. The Cyclone defense, however, has been fairly stout under Burnham, including 2012 where ISU finished third in the Big 12 in points allowed with 23.3 per game. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but I imagine that Burnham (and Rhoads) have had enough of the defense being forced to carry the load and are ready for the offense to step up. The good news is that by all indications, the 2013 Cyclone offense could be the best yet under Rhoads, which makes me hope that what we saw in the spring game was not another one of G.O.B.'s (Messingham's) illusions.

Michael: [after George Sr. has been handed a jail sentence] They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out.

[silence amongst the family]

Michael: Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen...

[everyone gasps]

Michael: ...Interesting. I would have expected that after "they're keeping Dad in jail."

Just as Michael is surprised by the reaction he receives from his family after delivering that news, I continue to be surprised by the reaction our fan base has had toward attendance figures. The fact is, attendance has never been better in Jack Trice Stadium. Iowa State set a season ticket record in 2012, selling more than 40,000 season tickets for the first time and the ticket office had a release last week that stated they expect to surpass that amount and set another record for 2013. Couple that with the recent additions of the gigantic video board in 2011 and the new football facility that opened toward the end of last season and its obvious that things are going well. Fan enthusiasm is at an all-time high, Paul Rhoads is finally getting the upgraded facilities he needs to recruit against more established programs and Jack Trice is packed every week, regardless of the opponent. So all is great then, right? Not so much, at least according to what you read and hear from the ISU fan base. S-E-Z. S-E-Z. S-E-Z. That's right, instead of being thrilled with where the program is and the progress Rhoads and Jamie Pollard have made, it always comes back to bowling in the south end zone. Look, I'd love to see Jack Trice bowled in and packed with 65,000+ just as much as anyone else, but given the current debt ratios the athletics department is facing paying for these other projects, the time just doesn't appear to be right. The SEZ will happen at some point. It was a pipe dream when Pollard originally took over in 2005, but if we fans continue to buy 40,000 season tickets every year and Rhoads throws in a 10-win season or two, that SEZ project might be closer to a reality than many of us originally thought. In the mean time, let's just enjoy the progress that the program has made.

via 25.media.tumblr.com

Tobias Fünke: [Tobias trying on a Speedo with his cut-offs on] Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

One of the best quotes from the show. It had to find its way in here somehow. This is what I imagine Paul Rhoads says every time he tries on a new pair of pants.

Tobias: I blew my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run and now I have quite the mess all over my hands.

Michael: There are so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

One thing Paul Rhoads has been excellent about the past two seasons is firmly handling the non-conference schedule. Of course, this manifested itself in 3-6 Big 12 performances in both seasons. While both of those seasons have included some impressive conference victories, too often ISU has struggled to truly take care of business in conference play and has dropped numerous close games (see KSU every year, WVU last year, Baylor 2011, TTU last year) that really could have helped the program gain some upward trajectory. To demonstrate that we're making progress as a program, Rhoads is going to have to not only handle the non-conference season with the same results as recent years, but add at least one conference win to the overall total. Essentially, don't blow your wad in the non-conference schedule.

Lucille: Buster, what happened to your head?

Buster: Nothing. G.O.B. was just teaching me how to hit it with a hammer.

As the youngest Bluth sibling, Buster took a lot of abuse and punishment from his older brother G.O.B. Some of that abuse was the result of having a narcissistic, deviant older brother like G.O.B., but most of it came because Buster was young and didn't know how to protect himself. In that same regard, Sam Richardson similarly experienced some physical beatings as a young quarterback getting his first action in Iowa State's last three games. Not really known for his athleticism, Richardson surprised us all with his mobility, scramble-bility(?) and deceptive white-guy footspeed. In those three games, Richardson rushed for 43 yards against Kansas, 119 against West Virginia, and 46 against Tulsa (he also tossed in 25 yards for good measure against Western Illinois in mop up duty). Having a mobile QB is never a bad thing, especially when he's got the arm and accuracy to complete the total package, but I often found myself cringing every time Richardson took off last season. He hasn't mastered the art of avoiding hits yet and more than a few times, he was slow to get up after failing to get down and more importantly, get in a safe position. My hope is that this was just a product of inexperience, but if Richardson continues to play that style, we may see more of him on the sideline undergoing concussion examinationsthan on the field leading the offense.

Lucille: I'm having a problem with Buster.

Michael: Oh, we can just flip the mattress over and pretend like it never happened.

Ah, if only it were that easy. I don't know about you, but after that bowl game bed-wetting, I wish I could have just flipped the ISU football mattress in my mind and pretended like that didn't just happen. The fan turnout was incredible. The opponent was beatable. Iowa State got off to a great start, and then...what the hell is this? Three quarters later, we woke up to wet sheets and the unmistakable stench of our own piss. Unfortunately, this was the second year in a row this happened in a bowl game, meaning that "the mattress" can't simply be flipped and forgotten anymore.

2013 is going to be a challenging season for a young Iowa State squad. Ideally, after three straight losing seasons and consecutive bowl losses, this team would take the next step and finish the year on a high note, above .500 and with a bowl win. That's going to be awfully difficult. Nearly the entire defensive front 7 needs to be replaced and we're putting all of our eggs into the Sam Richardson basket. With all the young talent on the roster, there's reason to be excited about the future of the program. At some point though, Iowa State football needs to get out of this perpetual state of arrested development.

The Mid-Morning Dump - 5/22/13

2013-05-22T14:40:09Z

LET'S MAKE IT OFFICIAL. Abdel Nader is officially a Cyclone.

CYCLONE FEUD DAY FOUR. Video is now up on Cyclones.com.

PAUL RHOADS LOVES IOWA WESTERN. Coach Rhoads doesn't mince words about his interest in Iowa Western CC players.

BECOMING TRADITION? Bobby La Gesse talks about how the Tailgate Tour is becoming a Cyclone tradition.

REMATCH WITH CREIGHTON? Well, sort of.

Coach Hoiberg told the Omaha World-Herald that ISU is "poised to play a closed scrimmage with Creighton before next season."
— Cyclone Basketball (@CycloneMBB) May 22, 2013

ESPN LAYOFFS. Somehow, while Skip Bayless is still employed, 400 ESPN employees were laid off to maintain profits.

SERGIO GARCIA, ACCIDENTAL RACIST. The feud between Sergio and Tiger Woods is heating up.

THE UNKIND SPIN. The worst way to lose a game for this goalkeeper.

THE 100 MILLION DOLLAR (SUICIDAL) MAN. Mario Williams' battle over an engagement is getting bad enough he had to hold a press conference to tell everyone he wasn't suicidal.

INTO DARKNESS, REVIEWED. NFL rookies review the new Star Trek film for you.

BUT PAWWWWLLLL. ESPN might be spending that layoff money on Paul Finebaum.

The Mid-Morning Dump - 5/21/13

2013-05-21T13:48:51Z

HISTORICAL HIGH. This year's seventh place finish was the best finish Iowa State has ever had for overall athletic performance since the Big 12 was founded.

TALKING WITH JOHN WALTERS. Chris Williams catches up with John Walters on a variety of topics.

ANOTHER SIGNING PERIOD? Paul Rhoads, among other coaches, would like an early signing period for guys who committed early.

LAZARD STAYS TOP 25. Allen Lazard dropped a spot but is maintaining his hold as Rivals' #1 WR in the nation.

BACK ON THE ROAD. The Cyclone Tailgate Tour continues with stops in Omaha and Carroll today.

MONTE MORRIS PARADE. The future Cyclone was named to the Parade All-American team.

JUST MISSED. Troy Davis makes Ubben's "just missed" list of greatest Big 12 players. He is the only Cyclone.

MOORE. The suburb of Oklahoma City was hit by a tornado yesterday. The aerial shot is unbelievable.

SMALL BIT OF HAPPINESS. This old lady found her dog in the rubble while on air doing an interview.

LET'S GET WEIRD WITH SMALL BOWLS. What if we made more interesting matchups for the smaller college football bowls?

NEVERMIND. Juan Anderson was going to transfer from Marquette, then changed his mind.

HYPOCRISY, THY NAME IS MIKE GUNDY. Barking Carnival takes Oklahoma State to task for all the transfer restrictions they've placed on Wes Lunt. Interestingly enough, even though Todd Monken's new school is on the blocked list, he says he actually told Lunt to go back to OSU, a la Juan Anderson.

JIMBO FISHER'S QUANTUM PLAYBOOK. Since E.J. Manuel declared the Bills' playbook is actually simpler than the one he ran for Fisher at FSU, EDSBS totally had the real JaMarcus Russell comment on Jimbo's playbook.

LOST MONEY ON BEER SALES? Jebus, University at Minnesota, you're bad at stuff.

The Mid-Morning Dump - 5/20/13

2013-05-20T14:30:34Z

WRECK IT RALPH! Movie night at Jack Trice was a pretty big hit.

LAZARD VISITING ND. He still seems pretty sure about Iowa State, but Allen Lazard is taking a visit to South Bend.

AND THAT'S THEIR RIGHT. Chad Leistikow writes that recruits definitely have the right to keep their options open.

FERNANDEZ 13TH. Scott Fernandez's season is over with a 13th place finish at the Columbus regional, but his season stroke average bested Nate McCoy's 2012 campaign.

NEW MAN IN CHARGE. With Tom Kroeschell's move to Cyclones.TV, Mike Green was named the new Director of Athletics Communications.

WES LUNT LIMITED. Mike Gundy has put 37 schools on the list of schools that Wes Lunt can't transfer to.

TEXAS IS OUR SUPER BOWL? Looks like Texas, not Iowa, was the choice of ISU fans as the most important game of the season in 2013.

GREATEST BIG 12 PLAYER EVER. It was always going to be Vince Young, wasn't it?

NON TEXAS/OU TOP 10. Ubben's mailbag covers the greatest non Longhorns/Sooners, and Troy Davis is at #5.

THE REAL SATAN. Since Nick Saban claims he isn't the devil, who is?

WWE AT THE BILLBOARD AWARDS. Miguel went full Hulk Hogan and leg dropped some women last night.

EA HATES WIIU. Most of us probably already knew this, but if you're a sports gamer, the WiiU is useless.

CHARLOTTE WANTS THE HORNETS NAME. With New Orleans taking on the Pelicans name, the Bobcats want to buy back the Hornets name.

THIS IS BAD, EVEN IF IT WERE LITTLE LEAGUE. Astros lose game on ridiculously terrible fielding. It might happen multiple times this season.

The Mid-Morning Dump - 5/17/13

2013-05-17T15:00:50Z

FRIDAY FLASHBACK. The 2000 win over Oklahoma State is featured.

PUTTING?! YES, PUTTING. Iowa State golfer Scott Fernandez hopes his new approach to putting helps him in the NCAA Championships.

CLYBURN THE CONQUEROR. Will Clyburn illustrates how it's possible to go from high school role player to the cusp of the NBA.

POOP IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY. Yeah.....

SOMEHOW LOU HOLTZ LOOKS YOUNGER. Everyday Should Be Saturday swaps the hair styles of some of college football's biggest rivals.

NOTRE DAME AIN'T LEAVING. Another great statistical preview from Bill Connelly.

BEST SUMMER EVER. Johnny Manziel trolls Alabama with his first pitch in San Diego.

THE MIGRATION. I'm not sure what the hell Georgia Tech is doing, but I like it.

The Mid-Morning Dump - 5/16/13

2013-05-16T13:57:47Z

OH BABY, HE LOVES UNI. Chris Williams sits down with Gary Rima to discuss the UNI Panthers.

GENE SMITH TALKING ISU. The Ohio State AD talks about his time at Iowa State and the different expectations that come from school to school.

PLAYING ILLINOIS? Should we swap Toledo for Illinois on the 2014 schedule?

BACK TO KU. CW is changing his Big 12 predicted champ to KU after the Andrew Wiggins signing.

SO, VINCE IS DEFINITELY #1, RIGHT? Ubben's list of the Top 10 Big 12 players ever hits #3 Ndamukong Suh and #2 Ricky Williams.

#SCREENSHOTTINGPROBLEMS. When you're taking a screenshot to demand your fifth star on your Rivals' rating, make sure you have the porn windows closed.

CAN MONEY BUY HAPPINESS? The cost of joining the Big 12 for West Virginia.

I'M THE STRAIGHT ONE. Jarron Collins got this shirt to save time.

BLACKFACE IS COOL IN TURKEY? Galatasaray is protesting the racial abuse of one of their players by all going out in blackface.

SO THIS HAPPENED IN DES MOINES... I think the major question from this incident is.. cars can go 50 in reverse?

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MIKE VI. The Q&A about LSU's live (and totally awesome) mascot.

The College GM

2013-05-15T15:00:25Z

We all know that Fred Hoiberg had never been a coach at any level of basketball prior to taking the Iowa State job. Any sports writer worth his salt has been quick to mention that fact when writing about The Mayor since he returned to Ames. Not to worry though, this isn't another story about how in just three years, he made himself into one of the hottest names in the coaching business.

Instead, this story is about what Hoiberg was experienced with; working in the front office of a professional basketball franchise. In his role in the front office of the Minnesota Timberwolves, Hoiberg did what front office types do. He scouted college talent, evaluated free agents and became familiar with the business side of managing a pro roster.

Three years into his tenure, I think we all may have underestimated and under-appreciated just how crucial that experience was for Hoiberg and how it has manifested itself in his program.

Although the university hasn't officially announced it, several media outlets have reported that freshman guard Nkereuwem "Kerwin" Okoro has decided to leave the program and transfer to Rutgers, which is closer to his New York City home. We all wish Okoro well and the best of luck with the Scarlet Knight program.

While losing the little-used Okoro isn't necessarily a headline-grabbing story, it is the next in line of a series of transfers that have left Iowa State in Hoiberg's three short years. Including Okoro, four underclassmen have left that still had eligibility (not including Calvin Godfrey who was dismissed from the program) and there's been rumors that to varying degrees, each may have been shown the door.

(The speculation train is about to leave the station. If you don't like rumors and widely-held message board "facts", you may want to wait for the next train).

According to NCAA rules, any athletic scholarship is only guaranteed for one year, meaning that after each athletic season, a coach can do as he wishes with that particular scholarship. Keep a kid in the program, offer it to someone else or "bank it" for future usage. That's the coach's decision. That's where the talent evaluation, roster management and scouting comes into play.

College athletics can often be a shameful business, or so it appears. Coaches spend months and monts convincing young men to leave their homes, travel across the country and put their trust in them, only to be called into that same coach's office months later and be told that they'd be better off pursuing their athletic dreams elsewhere. Those conversations can't be easy, but as harsh as they may seem, they're necessary in the world of competitive college sports.

I don't know how those conversations went with Eric McKnight, Jordan Railey, Tavon Sledge and Okoro, but in each case, I have to wonder and maybe even assume that Hoiberg encouraged them to find another school where their talents might be better appreciated. I'm no expert and I'm just a fan like each of you, but based on what I saw and especially what I heard, I don't know that keeping any of those guys on hand brought Iowa State any closer to a Big 12 championship.

Is that harsh? You bet. But winning big-time college basketball often comes at a price and sometimes, that means good kids get forced out. Just as Hoiberg learned in those front office discussions, it wasn't personal, it was business. Hoiberg is paid a lot of money to put the best possible basketball team on the floor and in doing so, he has to be able to admit that he might have missed the mark on a kid and look elsewhere to make the program better.

Now I know what you're thinking; does this mean there's a problem evaluating high school talent and is this staff capable of properly developing that talent once they're on campus? Valid questions and I don't know that we really know the answers yet. The fact is, with 13 scholarships available, a few guys aren't going to play. Most coaches rely on an 8-9 man rotation and you can see why the numbers don't add up. Kids don't want to wait to play. They don't want to spend 2-3 years developing before they make an impact on the floor. In today's college basketball, you either got it right away or you don't.

Of course there are exceptions to that rule, but because of that attitude, coaches and players may see themselves differently, but they're essentially the same. The player thinks he should play right away and knows that if he doesn't, he might have made a mistake. The coach expects the player to be able to play right away and if he can't, the coach knows that he might have equally made a mistake, because that player isn't going to wait around to help the program.

It's this dynamic that leads to the decision to transfer in many cases. Whether that decision is initiated by the coach or by the player is a case-to-case basis. Bringing this back to Iowa State, these are the types of decisions Hoiberg has to make every year. You redshirt a guy like Sherron Dorsey-Walker because you see his long term value. You allow a guy like Kerwin Okoro to play those garbage time minutes because he probably won't be back. It's not an exact science, but in Hoiberg's case, he appears to have made the right calls on who to retain so far.

So when it was announced that Abdel Nader, formally of Northern Illinois, was joining the Cyclone program although no scholarship was available, it came as no surprise when Okoro's name started popping up as the odd man out. Now in Okoro's situation, there were extenuating life circumstances that really made it tough on him to be away from his family. The kid went through a tragic year as both his father and brother passed away. I can't imagine what he went through and applaud his courage and perseverance to stick it out and finish the spring semester at Iowa State. I would have loved to have him stick around, redshirt and continue to develop, but that just didn't appear to ever really be an option. Okoro apparently wanted to be closer to home and Hoiberg wanted to land a scorer in the frontcourt.

Going forward, the only thing that matters is that it appears as if Hoiberg has improved the roster and improved the program. Had Railey, McKnight, Sledge and Okoro stuck around, there would only be one open scholarship available to hand out for this class (not including those given to Matt Thomas and Monte Morris). So between, Richard Amardi, Dustin Hogue, Daniel Edozie, K.J. Bluford and Abdel Nader, only one of them would have wound up in Ames. I realize the somewhat absurdity of that hypothetical, but at the very least, I think it illustrates that Hoiberg felt he could upgrade each of the past few seasons.

It's a delicate balance and although most of us prefer to view college sports through an almost naive sense, in the end, it's still business and I'm glad Iowa State has Fred Hoiberg to head up the operation.

The Mid-Morning Dump - 5/15/13

2013-05-15T14:09:37Z

CYCLONE FEUD, PART DEUX. Day two of Cyclone feud is up at Cyclones.com.

CHIZTACULAR. Iowa State will host Auburn in the Big 12/SEC (basketball) challenge.

CAMP COURAGEOUS. The Cyclone Tailgate Tour coaches stopped at Camp Courageous in Monticello.

UNI SERIES CHANGING? Could there be changes coming for the Panther-Cyclone football series?

A BALANCED BIG 12. Chris Williams writes about the balance of Big 12 football this year.

ENOUGH TO GO AROUND? With the Wild coming to Wells Fargo, is there enough pie to go around?

TEAM SPIRIT! Chest hair art is the best type of art.

RAINBOW WARRIORS ARE BACK. Months after discontinuing the name, Hawaii has changed its mind and is bringing back the moniker.

BIG TEN RAPS. After Michigan State recruit Jay Harris left the Spartans for a rap career, EDSBS is lamenting the lost B1G rap opportunities. Iowa's is particularly hilarious.

WOW, WHAT? Man decides to dribble a soccer battle from Seattle to Brazil, gets hit by a truck and dies.

BRYZ IS EFFING WEIRD. Ilya Bryzgalov, mediocre NHL goalie, strange human being.