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The Bandwagoner's Guide to the NHL Playoffs

ahhhhhh. sports based racism... refreshing.

A new breed of hockey fan has arrived all over the Midwest, and it coincides perfectly with the Blackhawks rise to being the best remaining team in the playoffs, as well as the Cubs inevitable fail coming earlier than usual this year. Weird, right?

How can you tell who is a bandwagon Chicago fan? Here’s a nice helpful guide for you.

1. Likely a new fan, so obviously possesses a Hossa jersey
2. Seen asking questions such as: "what’s that blue line and why is everyone dancing around on it?" and "WTF. Ed Belfour isn’t the goalie?"
3. Thinks Patrick Kane is the greatest player in NHL history.
4. Also has Cubs paraphernalia under the Hossa jersey.
5. Has no fucking clue how to pronounce Toews or Byfuglien

So to complete the transition for Cubs fans that are now bandwagon Hawks fans, we at WRNL have compiled a guide to the NHL for them.

  • The blue line is the off-sides line. Any player of the attacking team cannot cross the line before the puck does. The good news about this line is that fan’s can’t reach over and interfere, a la Bartman. You remember that guy, right Cubs fans?
  • Patrick Kane is the greatest player in NHL history at beating up cabbies with his cousin over 20 cents. Wayne Gretzky is the best at everything else, including eating hot wings, according to Verizon.
  • Ed Belfour hasn’t played for the hawks in like 10 years and is retired now. On the bright side, this gives him much more time to get really wasted and beat up cops.
  • Toews = Tay-ves. Byfuglien = Bufflin. Bonus points if you figure out what race he is.

One last way to tell if someone is a bandwagoner: If you are offended about this post, you’re probably a bandwagon Chicago fan. Real Blackhawks fans hate these people more than I do.