With the NBA playoffs in full swing, a completely-unrelated-to-on-court-results nickname playoff seems appropriate.
- Celtics: It’s a leprechaun with a pipe and a cane.
- Suns: A giant ball of flaming gas approximately 110 times as wide as our planet.
- Lakers: A lake … er.
- Magic: Think Harry Potter, wands, unicorns, pixie dust and shit
This really isn’t a contest from the start, but we’ll flush it out.
Eastern Conference Finals
Celtics / Magic
One is an elf with lung cancer & a limp that protects
his lucky charms … the other is even gayer.
But the Magic have a mouse in a magician’s hat in their corner
Western Conference Finals
The Sun / Lakes
99.8% of the matter in the solar system
with a surface temp of nearly 10,000 degrees
stares into the face of a lake …
ok, maybe 10,000 lakes if we take Minnesota
into the argument.
But without Ivan Drago in the mix,
Apollo wins this round.
Game: The Sun
Suns / Magic
Thousands of D&D, Middle Earth and
sparkly vampire fans stand up in unison
only to watch the Sun fuse nearly 60K tons
of hydrogen per second.
Scottie Pippen couldn’t even impregnate women that fast.
Game – Set – Match: The Sun