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NBA Mascot Playoffs

With the NBA playoffs in full swing, a completely-unrelated-to-on-court-results nickname playoff seems appropriate.

The Contenders

  • Celtics: It’s a leprechaun with a pipe and a cane.
  • Suns: A giant ball of flaming gas approximately 110 times as wide as our planet.
  • Lakers: A lake … er.
  • Magic: Think Harry Potter, wands, unicorns, pixie dust and shit

This really isn’t a contest from the start, but we’ll flush it out.


Short, White, Eldery, Tobacco using pedophile - the perfect NBA logo.

oh oh, its magic! you knoooow - never believe its not so!

Eastern Conference Finals

Celtics / Magic

One is an elf with lung cancer & a limp that protects

his lucky charms … the other is even gayer.

But the Magic have a mouse in a magician’s hat in their corner

Game: Magic


Western Conference Finals

Apollo O-Yes.

water: lake shaped ... and a barn.

The Sun / Lakes

99.8% of the matter in the solar system

with a surface temp of nearly 10,000 degrees

stares into the face of a lake …

ok, maybe 10,000 lakes if we take Minnesota

into the argument.

But without Ivan Drago in the mix,

Apollo wins this round.

Game: The Sun


NBA Finals

its magic time baby.

do I make you hot?

Suns / Magic

Thousands of D&D, Middle Earth and

sparkly vampire fans stand up in unison

only to watch the Sun fuse nearly 60K tons

of hydrogen per second.

Scottie Pippen couldn’t even impregnate women that fast.

Game – Set – Match: The Sun