Harrison, Prior To Meeting Roy. He Seemed So Confident Then...
Harrison Barnes. If you live in Central Iowa, or anywhere in the Midwest for that matter, you’ve heard the name. The highly touted prospect from Ames, IA led the Little Cyclones to two consecutive 4A state titles, and attracted the attention of every major basketball program in the country. In a highly publicized press conference last fall Barnes announced his decision to attend the University of North Carolina. Harrison revealed his decision to those in attendance via Skype, an increasingly popular video conferencing software application. This had been the only means of communication Barnes had used throughout his recruitment process with Carolina head coach Roy Williams, which is how he saw fit to reveal his choice of school via Skype video conferencing. However, WRNL has learned through sources close to the UNC basketball program that Barnes is now reconsidering his decision to attend the university.
WRNL caught up with Harrison late last night, "I just met Roy for the first time in person a few weeks ago when I flew out for optional spring practices", said Barnes. "Roy was really a lot different in person than he made himself out to be over the internet… He smelled like a nursing home lathered in Aspercreme". When questioned further on his change of opinion regarding Coach Williams Barnes stated, "I didn’t even know someone could get varicose veins on their arms, neck, and face. Do you have any idea how much rouge it must take to hide those things? I just don’t know if I can see myself playing for a withering old man". The Ames forward went on to say, "I have questioned from the beginning if I had what it took to play at UNC, not my game or my mental toughness of course but my lack of whiteness. If you take a look at the recent past and NCAA players that have been beloved by the media, they all have one thing in common. Hansbrough, Hinrich, Collison, Reddick, etc… they make Eminem look like Malcolm X. I mean seriously, those dudes are white as hell!" Barnes declined to give any insight as to if or when he plans on asking out of his letter of intent.
"hunny, have you seen my extra colostomy bags anywhere?"
Harrison brings up some very interesting points in his initial impression of UNC head coach Roy Williams after recently meeting him. I mean, the signs have been there all along, have we just been naïve? Just look at the telling hints indicating Williams is truly in fact what Barnes has eluded to: a stinky old man… Case in point being the comparison of Carolina’s downtrodden basketball record to the devastating earthquake in Haiti, clearly a comparison that could only be made by someone suffering from dementia. Or how about having a fan ejected for "heckling" during free throws? Seems eerily similar to threatening the use of a hose on kids that won’t stay off your lawn. The liver spotted hands or taking 30 second timeouts to properly adjust his hair piece. Even the "technical difficulties" at the Harrison Barnes press conference illustrating the inability of old folks to operate new forms of technology. All of these examples clearly show that Roy Williams is dried up, most likely stinky, and cannot relate to the young players in today’s NCAA. I guess I can’t blame Harrison Barnes for having second thoughts on this one. There’s no argument that Roy, the Crypt Keeper, is a good coach and that his resume speaks for itself. But that pungent aroma from his leaking colostomy bag speaks rather loudly as well. Will kids still want to play for UNC a year or two from now when Williams is cruising the sideline in a powder blue wheel chair with a lap blankie a la Al Davis? I guess only time will tell.
