WRNL: Welcome Coach McCaffery, thanks for taking the time for us.
Fran: Anything for a news organization of your stature.
WRNL: So … Fran … that’s a funny name. I suppose if you were a girl your parents would’ve named you Fred?
WRNL: Was their second choice ‘Dorothy’?
Fran: (long pause) … lots of guys are named Fran.
WRNL: Name 3
Fran: Myself, Fran Tarkenton, Fran Musial.
WRNL: Ummm, that’s Stan Musial.
Fran: Well, Tarkenton anyway …
WRNL: And the Nanny
Fran: (appears confused)
WRNL: Was your chemistry with Charles Shaughnessy more than just on-screen?
Fran: One, Fran Drescher, ha ha, I get it now. Two, who doesn’t want to get with Charles Shaughnessy?
WRNL: So does it bother you when people say the Obama administration is creating a "nanny" state?
Fran: (silent) [we assume laughing on the inside]
WRNL: Was your nickname in your playing days the "the nanny goat"?
Fran: (agitated) Actually it was White Magic … are you done?
Fran: At least my name’s not Lickliter
WRNL: There is that. Fran is no "Ashley Lelie" …
Fran: Who’s that?
WRNL: Dick Trickle?
Fran: Sometimes, but I’m getting older … what was the question?
WRNL: Nevermind, tell us about your new gig.
Fran: Well, I’m the new coach of the Iowa Hawkeyes and I look forward to getting the program headed in the right direction.
WRNL: Anybody gonna see it? We hear Carver’s pretty empty these days.
Fran: I’ve already met over 20 basketball fans in my short time here.
WRNL: The players don’t count.
Fran: Well more than 10 anyway. I’m looking to turn Carver into a real home-court advantage.
WRNL: Good luck with that. We recommend baiting them with pall malls and a-shirts.
Fran: I’ll think about it.
WRNL: Tell us what you think about new ISU hire Fred "The Mayor" Hoiberg.
Fran: Well, he’s certainly easy on the eyes.
WRNL: We’re well aware of that, how about coaching wise?
Fran: Well, he’s new … inexperienced might be a word … how do I put this? … It’s going to be interesting.
WRNL: We’re hoping to keep him for a while, how about you? Planning on staying with the Hawks long term?
Fran: Well, of course. Although long term is relative – full social security payout is only a few years away for me.
Fran: Thank you, although I plan on being the ‘JoePa’ of the basketball coaching world – we already see the same proctologist.
WRNL: Small world…
Fran: Small something…
WRNL: (confused and scared) Care if we move away from all this rectum talk?
Fran: At my age it gets discussed a lot – every heard of a rectal prolapse?
WRNL: Please stop. Seriously.
Fran: Another 50-60 years and you’ll be here too
WRNL: (nervously) Can we stop now?
Fran: It’s your interview.
WRNL: You’d never know, Thanks Fred.
Fran: (crazy eyed) It’s Fran
WRNL: Your loss.
Fran: (tears begin to well)
WRNL: (uneasy) Ok then … I think that’s a wrap - Thanks again. I hear your wife calling you anyway. By the looks of your wife going nuts in the stands, I’m guessing she’s quite a tiger in the bedroom, Fran.
Fran: (wipes eyes) … Yeah, I gotta pick up some more Viagra on the way home.