Oregon Dismisses Masoli, Hawkeyes Interested

The University of Oregon dismissed suspended quarterback Jeremiah Masoli from the football team Wednesday after he was caught speeding with an ounce of marijuana in his car. This comes after he was already suspended for the entire 2010 season for stealing from a frat house, which leads to two questions: 1) There’s stuff worth stealing in a frat house? and 2) Just how dumb is he?

WRNL can’t answer the first question for you, but we can help shed some light on the second. We have learned that the University of Iowa has been in talks with Masoli to come in and start this season over their "only perceived weakness in an otherwise unstoppable team", quarterback Ricky Stanzi. They have petitioned the NCAA for immediate eligibility under rule 124 section C, the little known "at least he’s better than Pierre Pierce" clause. Insiders report that Masoli is very interested in the Hawkeyes’ offer, as the prospect of Kirk Ferentz’s "we will let you off the hook handle it internally" method of discipline appeals greatly to his burglarizing, ganja smoking ways. Obviously all of this hinges on Masoli not getting drunk with his buddy Golden Tate and stealing more maple bars.

The NCAA is expected to accept the petition on the condition that Masoli take steps to ensure that he remains "better than Pierre Pierce", such as attending a language class at the University of Iowa emphasizing the fact that "No" does indeed mean no.