Texas Longhorn hero Vince Young was issued a Class C assault citation for an alleged club incident Saturday. While WRNL does not usually condone violence by athletes against women, we’re prepared to make an exception due to the victim in this case, one Dan Beebe.
The reports state that the victim "makes a derogatory Horns down hand sign in reference to the University of Texas, Young’s alma mater, and says something to the quarterback." A witness at the scene confirms that the extra words were "The Big 12 is going down", followed by evil cackling. Vince Young, full of Big 12 love, Texas loyalty, and a handle of Patron, landed a hard backhand to the face of Beebe. Beebe, as expected, started bleeding profusely and went down like a bitch. Vince then stood over Beebe’s cowering body and spit on him, then told him to man up and do his job, even though things look bad. Vince should know about overcoming adversity, because after all, he overcame possible retardation (8 on the Wonderlic? Seriously?) to beat the dirty, cheating USC Trojans for the National Championship.
Not coincidentally, Beebe was seen on the phone all day Sunday, negotiating a new TV deal for the now misnamed Big 12. News reports now indicate that Beebe has somehow pulled a 17 million per school TV deal from his ass, which seems about as likely as Brett Favre actually retiring. Either way, the simple fact that Dan Beebe actually did ANYTHING is impressive.
So thanks, Vince Young, you may have singlehandedly saved the Big 12.