When the writers at WRNL thought about who we would like our first Cyclone interview to be, it really wasn’t even up for debate… it had to be the one and only Lumas P! We proudly bring you WRNL’s first non-fictional interview, Hiawatha Rutland. We are also extremely proud to say that no chloroform or blackmail was used in obtaining this interview, but don’t think we’re above doing that if it comes down to it.
We present to our readers …(Drum roll)… Hiawatha!
WRNL: What have you been up to since ISU fans last saw you in action?
I have been trying to fix my knee. I do stand up in NYC and I am a high school English teacher. I also flirt with hot babes and they are really impressed that I lived in Iowa for nearly a decade.
We can only assume their impression of life in Iowa goes a little something like this… Ghost ridin’ the whip!
WRNL: Talk about Lumas P.
Lumas P. Simmons is an institution. He is the best rapper of all time. He has since retired. However, he can be spotted from time to time after a few Natty Lights freestyling.
"DPS see my car scared to put a ticket on me. I’m a top priority, and a minority, my pictures on the walls of your girl’s sorority."
Some of the greatest lyrics ever!
WRNL: What are you working on right now and how can Cyclone fans keep up with you?
I am getting my teaching certification in secondary special ed at City College in NYC. I blog on Facebook every Wednesday. The name of my blog is Hiawatha’s Hump Day Happenings. I talk about stuff that happens during the week and list upcoming shows and pretty much tell people how awesome NYC is. I always try to find a way to shout out the Cyclones as well in my blog whenever possible.
WRNL: What was your best / most memorable moment as a Cyclone?
When I scored my first career touchdown against Florida State University. My grandmother had died that summer. I missed a day of training and I lost my starting job when I was clearly the best RB in the history of the school. I was pissed. I told myself the first time I touch the ball I was going to score. It actually was my third touch but it was sweet as I grew up a Gator fan. I hate FSU they are trying to sue my high school right now for the logo. That logo has been at my high school for thirty years. FSU is so irrelevant they want to come after us after all these years to get some attention. Free Shoe U should go hug a tree.
WRNL: What was your favorite team to play against?
I had several. Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Troy State (best defense I ever faced) and I loved playing Florida State even though we only played once.
WRNL: Best jersey chaser story that won’t get you time?
Too many. Girls would find my cell phone number and threaten to take me to the abyss if I scored a touchdown. I was afraid of women who knew who I was because I saw many athletes get in trouble. However, a man has needs and I am a man. That will probably get me time but all I have is time. Bring it!
WRNL: If there were no fear of penalty what would be your go to endzone celebration?
I would bring a hot babe onto the field and make out with her and this would be the opening scene to the Jersey Chaser video.
WRNL: What are your impressions of Paul Rhoads and the coaching staff?
I do not do impressions (That was me being funny). I think Coach Rhoads is the perfect man for the job. I wish he was my head coach. He makes his players confident. He makes them proud. He is a tough dude and he has high expectations. As a school teacher, I know the impact of expectations on performance. Students know when I am blowing smoke and I believe and more importantly the players believe that Coach Rhoads knows what he is talking about and cares about their success as men, students, and as a football program……..
WRNL: What are your expectations for the upcoming season? That’s one tough ass schedule, isn’t it?
Toughest schedule in the nation. I think this is the year we beat a ranked team on the road. Texas or Oklahoma will lose to us this year. I know this. I hope we can make it to another bowl game as I just got a raise and I need somewhere new to spend my extra money. We should be able to contend for the North title and that is what I am looking forward to happening. But a big time program will go down to us this season. You can believe that, son!
WRNL: Will ISU go bowling again this year?
Yes. The Memorial Union has a great bowling venue. My high score was 189 in 2007.
WRNL: Who’s funnier – you or Paul Shirley? Could you take him?
I am funnier. He is funnier looking. Paul is my good friend. We used to eat dorm food together in Maple Willow Larch dining hall. Now, you want to hear a Jersey Chaser story. We were having lunch or what was supposed to be lunch. Come on man, you have eaten in Larch. This cute little lady comes up to Paul with balloons and a card and asks him if he would take her out for Valentine’s Day. She never introduces herself. Paul choked on his cereal and does not make eye contact and tells this woman to email him. I asked him how does she know your email? He said to me in the coolest voice ever, "I’m sure she knows how to find me." I was like I want to be Paul Shirley. Girls like guys with the last name of a woman. He taught me how to handle the fame that I would gain later in my career.
WRNL fields a squad of 9 skinny bitches, 1 chic and a big fat dude who overheats easily. You get the ball at the 50, how many seconds does it take you to overpower us and get to the endzone?
This is tough because skinny bitches are my weakness. What are they wearing? Do they know who I am? Are they willing to come to the endzone with me? So many ways to go with this one. But at face value, in my prime with two fully functioning knees I would say 27.32 seconds plus or minus 3
Even with the bad knees, our chances still don’t look very good!Look for Hiawatha to check back in with WRNL periodically throughout the football season. And if news breaks regarding a local appearance by ISU’s greatest running back, or if Lumas P un-retires from "the game", Wide Right & Natty Lite will have the inside scoop. Stay tuned!