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Monopoly Money with Captain Kirk

cash_paperKirk Ferentz, head coach of the Iowa Hawkeyes, just received a contract extension that will pay him $3,750,000.00 a year with built-in quarter million dollar raises each season. That assures that he will be in the very top tier of coaching salaries in the nation for years to come. Which begs the question - What could you buy with 3.75 million dollars?

WRNL has taken time out of their day to do actual math to help you answer that question, and if you've met some of our writers you know how much of a challenge this really was. Division is hard.

So here we go ... ten awesome things Ferentz's $3.75 million could buy you:

  1. Roughly 4 Iowa State head coach Paul Rhoads - we'd throw in the entire 4th CPR to avoid any King Solomon scenarios

  2. 20 UNI head coach Mark Farleys, when you buy 19 you get 1 free!moped

  3. Enough cans of Natty Light to span the distance (laid end to end) from Ames to Iowa City back to Ames to Iowa City again and back to Ames (over 550 miles) AND there would be a shitload of Natty Light left over, which would be nice.

  4. The open container tickets for 31,250 buzzing hawkeye fans confused by the crappy tailgate crackdown

  5. Buy a moped for every member of the Iowa football team ... and every player on every roster in the Big 10 & Big 12 combined.hookcash

  6. Pay off the average graduation debt ($28,000) of Iowa college grads which ranks second highest in the nation out of 134 schools.

  7. A hooker for every minute of every day (minus Sundays - those are for Jesus). We went with $500 an hour, Kirk's classy like that that.

  8. 14,000 season tickets to Carver-Hawkeye basketball arena, which would be twice as many as average attendance last season and only a thousand shy of capacity. He'd have enough left over for a shitload of popcorn too. Fran would totally owe him.

  9. 750,000 Double Down chicken sandwiches from KFC... that's 1.5 million
    bacon-bra-01chicken fillets, 1.5 million slices of pepper-jack cheese and enough bacon to wallpaper your home - and absolutely NO bread

  10. Sponsor 10,250 third world country kids - which, while lamer, would probably be morally superior to the bacon wallpaper

and yes, that is a bacon bra - you're welcome.