Following every WRNL tailgate we’ll bring you extensive coverage of the party for those of you waiting patiently to stroke one out at home. Some names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent … and not so innocent. Our favorite Natty Lite connoisseur has graciously volunteered to stand in for us as disparaging photographs are old news for him.
Noon – Gameday. Five guys tucked unmercifully tight into a Jeep Cherokee yearning to break free from the forced sex pile. The only saving grace is Becki standing tall, half out the sunroof, flashing her cannons for all of those along Lincoln Way. She likes the feel the air between them and trust me – its hard to tear your eyes away. She’s the Medusa of cheap plastic sex toys.
We arrive at G7 to find a force of 20+ security personnel who apparently were going for a 1 to 1 ratio per tailgating vehicle. The lot remained locked as they discuss amongst themselves who to call for the key to the gate. Lined along the roadway uneasy tailgaters anxiously crack beers to calm their nerves, panic seems inevitable. Mercifully, a disaster is averted as one guard suddenly remembers he has the key in his pocket.
Its going to be a good day.
Tensions now eased, we flood the lot with literally almost a dozen cars (Nebraska game this is not) and obtain our grassy home for the next 6 hours.
The Tailgate begins - imagine Christmas, only a lot more beer and you have to sit on the lap of the guy on the left instead of Santa. Actually, now that I say that, almost identical to Christmas. Pictured: Becki enjoyed asking for her presents.
A couple members of the WRNL family made the journey to the South side of the stadium to visit the Murph and Andy show. Listen to them here.
Despite the wind and rain, Flippy Cup reigned as the most popular tailgate game as nearly 40 people stretching 3 tables joined in flippy fun.
In an unexpected turn of events the women of the tailgate were hard-core flippers and made short work of their handsomely hung, but poorly practiced opponents. Teams were reshuffled several times in a half-assed attempt to hide the failings of the drunk and uncoordinated to little success.
Somewhere around 5PM Becki tears out her o-ring trying to please her throng of admirers. Its obvious someones going to need to blow a little air in her deflated body before UNI comes to town. Volunteers are already lining up.
More beer, an actual Bacon Explosion is unveiled, someone passes around a 5 gallon jug of Strip ‘n’ go naked … my shirt gets wet.
The "rusty trombone" is performed on Becki … she has developed man-parts. Old guy next to us has a can-crusher, it is neat. Blonde girl can’t figure out how it works.
Some chic falls in a puddle, loses shoes in said puddle
Game starts, guy at gate waves me past as he hits on female who "lost" her ticket. Gettin chilly out, my man-nipples stiffen.
Cyclones 27 – Huskies 10. Nipples are not alone in stiffness.
Thanks for all who made it out and all who tailgate vicariously through this article – you’re going to want to wipe off your screen now. See you at the Jack, and more importantly the tailgate lots, for the Panthers in a couple weeks.