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Texas OKs New Conference Football Schedules

Recently the Big XII released the newly reformatted conference football schedules for the 2011 and beyond seasons. WRNL was not invited to the Big XII offices to help in the creation of the schedules, as our opinion on the matter is about as valuable as Baylor's. However a source close to the decision making process was able to outline for us how things really went down, and from the sounds of it, Texas took everybody to pound town again...

Texas started out the negotiations with a checklist of things they wanted to accomplish during the rescheduling process. They made sure that all of their goals were met while neglecting the desires of virtually everyone else involved. Bevo presented the schedule that Texas desired (which included ISU in week one, that's going to be a real treat!) stating that this will happen the way he wants it to or Texas would immediately defect to the Canadian Football League. He then grabbed a woman who had accompanied Raider Red to the meetings and ravaged her in a public restroom.

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Dan Beebe was not originally a fan of the schedule Bevo presented, and he attempted to show some backbone for once (unlike during conference realignment). Bevo did not approve of Dan's obstinence and showed his tender backside that defiance would not be tolerated, although Beebe's been known to fake a tough guy act to get his backside reddened before ... "Hey Beebe, shouldn't you be running to go give Deloss Dodds his Brazilian wax about right now? You know that stubble makes him cranky!"

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Bob Stoops dialed up Mack Brown to complain about the fact that Texas gets Iowa State as an extra week to get the second stringers some action in Week 1, while Oklahoma has to travel to the rigid nipples that is Ames, IA in November. Brown replies: "Hey that Yankee fruitcake is on my computer again - get one of Tuberville's boys over here to fix this shit... Stoops, you're lucky I don't outlaw visors in my conference you little frat boy wannabe!"

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The Aggies were originally under the impresion that they were heavily involved in the schedule creation process, and for a time Bevo let them believe that and scratched their belly. Unfortunately, Bevo had to give that Aggie-dog the rolled up newspaper treatment for repeatedly working up a red rocket and trying to hump his leg. Everyone knows that A&M is only on the receiving end of any encounter with the Longhorns, so this was not going to be tolerated. Bevo then trained the pup to sit, roll over, and say "Thank you sir may I have another".

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Well, it looks like Texas once again has used the Big XII Comissioner and every other team in the conference like an anal bead at a Perez Hilton birthday party to ensure things go their way. But for us little guys, I guess we should just be happy that we're still invited to the party. Thank you Texas, if there is anything we can do for you just let us know.

If you're interested in reviewing the Texas approved conference football schedules for 2011 and beyond, they can be found at the following link: Big12sports.com - future conference schedules