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NFL Sexy Time

football_kissThis is finally getting interesting.

The top four teams in the league come out of their bye week to rejoin the Packers, Jets, Ravens and Seahawks - yes, the freakin Seahawks - in the 2nd round. WRNL picks went 2/4 last week - though picking the Seahawks over the Saints should count at least double. Peyton Manning exited in the first round for the 7th time, and the Seahawks won! ... did I mention that yet?

Time to give this NFL guessing game another shot.

Oh, and yes that is two chics in lingerie football uniforms exchanging some tongue action, thanks for asking.

Green Bay Packers at the Atlanta Falcons
The Packers are flashy. They feature a quarterback in Aaron Rodgers who is not afraid to throw the ball down-field and is making Green Bay residents forget they ever knew this mysterious Mr. Favre. They have a linebacker in Clay Matthews who strikes the fear of God into the heart of any lineman who is assigned to block him and whose hair glows like his barber is Midas himself.

The Falcons are not flashy. They feature no one in particular - WR Roddy White is probably their most potent weapon and if not for him you might fall asleep by half time. They have 13 wins, all methodical and unappealing to the eye. They are the team fun forgot.

WRNL Pick: Packers
The NFL wants to see Packers / Bears in the NFC finals - it would be a ratings bonanza. I want to see Packers / Bears. Its the perfect match-up, so it won't happen. I fully expect the Falcons to win and force me to watch more of their boring "winning" style of football. I'm pretty bummed about the whole situation. Fortunately, a Google image search of the Falcons produced nothing even mildly giggle-worthy ... so we're going with the Pack!


Seattle Seahawks at the Chicago Bears
The Seahawks won! Now they are only a single win away from 0.500 - so close to mediocre, if only they could play a team that hadn't handed them their ass on a platter earlier this season. Wish granted, Seahawkers, wish granted.

The Bears were so shit worthless in the early part of the season that it's still hard to fathom that they found their way to the second best record in the NFC. But if the Seahawks can do what they did last weekend - then the Bears winning a meaningful playoff game sounds entirely plausible.

WRNL Pick: Bears
Can't do it. I can't pick the Seahawks twice, even though my faith in the Bears is somewhere less than ISU's ability to guard the low post against Kansas. Additionally, by picking the Bears I get to include this Youtube clip, life is good:


Baltimore Ravens at the Pittsburgh Steelers
This is going to be brutal, and I don't mean bad football. These two teams are probably the most physical teams in the league and they also have the luxury of facing each other in 2 in-division games every year. There is no love lost.

Pittsburgh features the memory of the Bus and a rape addicted quarterback. Their defense is so notoriously physical that each member was fined for an illegal hit during the bye week as a precautionary measure. But Polamalu is in - so all is well in Pittsburgh.

The Ravens are basically the Steelers with a slightly crappier quarterback who respects a woman's right to consensual sex. However, Ray Lewis probably killed somebody - so that balances out all the bad-assery of the Steelers.

WRNL Pick: Ravens
I'm going with the Ravens - the Steelers have been one of the most successful franchises in the NFL in recent years, but I'm feeling lucky. The Ravens are on par with the Falcons when it comes to craptivating bonus material ... so here's an image of Big Ben and several more of his victims.


New York Jets at the New England Patriots
The Jets need to go down. They have won by the slimmest of margins over the most marginal of opponents. Coach Rex Ryan is a pretty funny dude for the most part, but I'm tired of ESPN sucking him off ... I can only watch so many blowjobs.

New England is New England. They have Tom Brady and they win a lot, specifically over the Jets by 40.

WRNL Pick: Patriots
The Patriots are a tired act - but you only get that moniker by being good for a long time ... or being the Falcons. In the words of Peter Griffin: "Jets suck, Yankees suck, Knicks suck"