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Swordfight with a Sooner

In anticipation of tomorrow's Iowa State - Oklahoma matchup, we decided to sit down with our favorite Sooner reject USAO at Landthieves.com and do a Q&A session. After all, neglecting actual basketball information while throwing inappropriate jokes is our forte.

WRNL: How many times do you rub one out weekly to Blake Griffin dunk videos?

USAO: My penis is rubbed raw right now.. It's quite painful, but every night I await SportsCenter like a child waiting for Christmas.. I bought this powder at the pharmacy but it doesn't seem to be working.

WRNL: We recommend Aspercreme. Serves as lube and numbs the prior burning. Also the smell attracts grandmas to your junk, for what it's worth. What are your thoughts on the Kevin Love/Blake Griffin debate?

USAO: Who the hell is Kevin Love & what debate?

Having These Two Fighting For You... The Horrors!WRNL: It's been rumored that Rihanna has been stalking Blake Griffin. Is this concerning? Are you jealous?

USAO: Rihanna needs a positive role model in her life, I mean obviously she has made some poor choices in her past; she was involved with that thug who bullied her and her agent that robbed her blind... I support a Griffin/Rihanna union that produces hybrid pop stars/basketball players, like Lil Bow Wow, but with talent.

WRNL: True or False: Eduardo Najera once pump faked a statue, and the statue bit and fouled him?

USAO: True... Najera took revenge for the foul later with a well placed elbow that caused his ejection, sadly.

WRNL: Would you say that it's a waste that Wayman Tisdale didn't speak with a Jamaican accent? Has there ever been a more Jamaican sounding name?

USAO: Wayman voice was so heavenly he actually did speak with a Jamacan accent, your ears just couldn't process it...Does Juwanna Mann count?

WRNL: If Jeff Capel and Fred Hoiberg played in a two-on-two tournament against just B12 players/coaches, what place would they get?

USAO: 1st place without a doubt if Coach K coached the team.

WRNL: And lastly, since we should probably talk about the actual game, tell us about how the 2010-11 OU season is going. Meeting expectations?

USAO: Huh? Oh I'm sorry I was just admiring our Big XII & Fiesta Bowl Trophies....Is it National Signing Day yet? Seriously though, can you promise me that you will use lube Saturday? This will not end well for us, I at least want the boys to be as comfortable as possible.

Cade Davis... Perpetually 25.WRNL: Can't promise you much. After the McDermott era, our team is pretty much dead set on Brokeback style with no lube whenever possible. Our Canadians Jamie Vanderbeken and Melvin Ejim will at least play some Celine Dion or Alanis Morrisette to set the mood though. No such guarantees for Diante Garrett and his fro-hawk, however. Speaking of seniors,  Is this Cade Davis's 9th year? Seriously. Does it balance out the fact that Hollis Price always looked like he was 12?

USAO: Cade is never aging, like Keanu Reeves he seems to be perpetually 25 years old, it helps in picking up Miss Oklahoma winners. I miss you Hollis, what we shared was special, if you re-enrolled today and grew a beard I'm sure you could pass as a freshman.

USAO: Word Association: Say the first thing that comes to your mind when I say Hampton....

WRNL: Probably the same thing you're thinking when I say Boise State...

USAO: ... Is Eustachy available for party planning? If so whats the going rate?

WRNL: We thought he was available as well, but his reaction the other night to the ECU students asking him to do their party planning wasn't exactly good, so we're guessing no?

USAO: What's the contact high from Iowa City like? Ames isn't that far away.

WRNL: Not close enough to get Rabdomyolysis.

Thanks again to USAO for doing this, and you can frequent his OU board at LandThieves.com, or follow him on Twitter @LandThieves.