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OK, We're Back... What The Hell Happened?

Whoa
 Whoa...

We'd like to offer our sincere, heartfelt apologies that we haven't had a new article in over a week. In an attempt to actually receive the presents we advocated for in our previous Christmas wish list, we've been busy disposing of all the dead hookers in our basements from the last year, in the hopes that Santa would gloss over the faint smell of bleach.

After looking over ESPN, this is what we've gathered has happened since we've been gone?

Mike Leach rumored to be coach everywhere, ends up nowhere.

Michigan gets embarrassed, Pitt will hire Rodriguez to piss off WVU.

Edsall too busy negotiating with MD to notice his offense sucks.

Big 10 gives up somewhere in the neighborhood of 124964 TDs on New Year's Day.

Big 12 sucks just as bad. Blaine Gabbert starts writing book on how to throw the worst pick-six in the history of college football.

Nebraska embarasses both the Big 10 and the Big 12, conferences bicker about who is forced to be stuck with Nebraska.

Brian Kelly somehow avoids karmic punishment for causing death of student, wins big.

Oh, and The Big Ten Still Sucks