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HOMER VISITS THE HOUSE OF EVIL

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Homer walks slowly through a dark, smoke-filled shop. Strange, exotic smells fill the air, while arcane relics from a by-gone era clutter the shelves. The proprietor, a short, pale man of indeterminate Asian origin, takes a long drag off of his pipe and waves Homer over to the counter that he stands behind.

Homer1_medium  Do you sell web-based athletic streaming services here?

Asian1_medium  We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread.

Asian2_medium  We also sell red and gold ice cream cones! Which I call... "Clone Cones."

Homer1_medium Oh. Well I need something that will let me watch Cyclone games on my laptop.

Asian1_medium ...perhaps THIS will please the gentleman!

Asianwcz_medium 

Asian1_medium  Take this object... but beware! It carries an $8.95/month subscription fee!
Homer_with_clone_zone_medium
  Ooh... That's Bad!
Asian2_medium
But it will allow you to stream games in High Definition!
Homergood_medium
  Ooh, That's Good!
Asian1_medium
The High-Definition stream doesn't have a scoreboard or clock on screen.
Homer_with_clone_zone_medium
  Oh... That's Bad!
Asian2_medium
It allows you to watch Football and Basketball from anywhere with a WiFi connection!
Homergood2_medium
  That's Good!
Asian1_medium
But only games that aren't televised on real television networks.
Homer1_medium That's Bad.
Asian2_medium
It does include a plethora of Olympic sporting events, and several of the non-conference men's basketball games.
Homergood2_medium
That's Good!
Asian1_medium ... All thanks to a blood contract that Mr. Pollard struck with the great evil known as Mediacom.

Confused_medium .......
Asian1_medium That's bad.
Homer1_medium
Can I go now?