I'm sure none of you have mentioned this before, but with the victory on Friday, Iowa State is now bowl eligible. After seeing media across America project us in about a dozen bowls, here's the background on our bowl possibilities.
Little Caesar's Bowl - Detroit, MI
When: Tuesday, Dec. 27th - 3:30 Central
Probable History: As the shittiest major pizza out there, Little Caesars decided that it would only be fair to sponsor a bowl in the shittiest major city in America.
Root for this bowl if... you want to go somewhere you can buy a house for less than you'd spend on a hotel for the week anywhere else. You can then rent out the house to meth producers afterwards. Now that's investing in the community!
When: Friday, Dec. 30 - 9:00 PM
Probable History: Since Iowa State will likely never make the Fiesta Bowl, bowl game organizers decided the best way to get notoriously well traveled, free spending ISU fans to stimulate the local economy was to make a second bowl game in Arizona.
When: Monday, Jan. 2nd - 11:00 AM
Probable History: I have no clue. It's Texas. They like football.
Root for this bowl if... you want the shortest warm weather drive from Iowa, and a game in the Cotton Bowl, but know that if it does snow, EVERYTHING will shut down.
Holiday Bowl - San Diego, CA
When: Wednesday, Dec. 28 - 7:00 PM
Probable History: Due to sagging tourism dollars at SeaWorld, the city of Whale's Vagina decided to
sucker lure encourage people to come to a bowl game.
Root for this bowl if... you like consistently awesome weather and want to risk getting kidnapped to go to Tijuana and check out a donkey show. Also, if you want to get harassed by tens of SDSU fans asking about the Big 12.
When: Friday, Dec. 30 - 2:20 PM
Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas - Houston, TX
When: Saturday, Dec. 31 - 11:00 AM
Probable History: George Foreman stopped doing commercials (my guess is that he had a disfiguring accident with a George Foreman grill), so to replace his marketability, Meineke is now hosting bowl games.
Root for this bowl if... you want to attend a game in the ghetto but have no urge to buy a house to rent to meth producers. Or if you want some surprisingly good seafood or burritos (looking at you Freebirds).
Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl - St. Petersburg, FL
When: Tuesday, Dec. 20 - 7:00 PM
Probable History: Apparently Beef 'O' Brady's is some sort of a sports bar chain? I checked out the website and it looks like the orgy of Bennigans and that Chotchkie's joint from Office Space. Therefore, I can only assume this bowl is Satan's idea.
Root for this bowl if... you hope that Pitbull makes the trek from Miami and tells us all to HAVE A REAL GOOD TIME.