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Paul Rhoads Opens NYSE, Stocks Immediately Surge

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2011 New Era Pinstripe Bowl rings the NYSE Opening Bell (via nysetv1)

Stocks posted big gains across the board Thursday morning after Paul Rhoads, Jamie Pollard and Greg Geoffroy helped open the New York Stock Exchange. Large and small-cap stocks both posted strong earnings, and the market largely reversed the previous day's losses.

"I've never seen anything like it," said Patrick Bateman, a commodities broker at Pierce & Pierce. "Stocks had been slumping since Tuesday afternoon, and it looked like the market was trending downward, but stocks immediately rebounded the instant Mr. Rhoads got up on that podium to start trading for the day."

As of 2:00 PM EST, the DOW had gained 153.83 points for a 1.27% gain, the S&P 500 rose 16.03 points for a 1.29% gain and the NASDAQ index rose 30.55 points for a 1.19% gain. "It's too soon to tell if these gains are the start of something big, but the signs are certainly encouraging," said investment banker Paul Allen. "Just looking at the response of the European markets tells me that this recovery cycle is picking up."

Mr. Allen was referring to the surprise press conference German Chancellor Andrea Merkel and French President Nicolas Sarkozy held earlier in the day to announce the new international response to the European sovereign debt crisis. This joint effort between banks, indebted nations and private investors to resolve the debt crisis is unprecedented in scope, and is widely expected to ease Europe's fiscal problems by 2012. Both Ms. Merkel and Mr. Sarkozy made a special point to thank Rhoads and Iowa State for the inspiration to solve the seemingly intractable problem, stating "If Mr. Rhoads can lead his team to two bowl games in his first three years at Iowa State, surely we can lead Europe back to fiscal solvency."

Paul Rhoads explained his approach to reporters after the opening bell. "Look, some of these bankers had a hand in tanking the world economy a few years ago, and they're still walking around like their shit doesn't stink. That's not the way we do things in my program, and I let a few of 'em know it. I walked up to the first trader I saw this morning, clapped him on the shoulder, and said 'Let's get it done today.' He just said 'Yes, sir,' and got down to business with an extra spring in his step. Feels good to have an impact on a young man's life like that."

World leaders are already praising Rhoads' leadership, and plans are being made for his assistance in other areas. Iowa State's 2012 football schedule has been adjusted to play Texas Tech in Juarez, Mexico to see what impact it may have on the drug cartels in the area, and plans are being made for the Cyclones to play in the 2012 Sugar Bowl to kick-start a New Orleans' redevelopment project still lagging from Hurricane Katrina.