After years of watching rivals at the University of Iowa help out farmers with their now famous helmet stickers "America Needs Farmers" or ANF, Iowa State University has come up with their contribution to the local community. Starting with their first game against UNI on Saturday, September 3rd, 2011, the Cyclones will come out with ANM stickers, or "America Needs Methheads". While this may appear to be a controversial decision, Iowa State officials are certain that this is the right move to give a greater sense of community outreach.
Speaking at a press conference, Athletic Director Jamie Pollard commented: "When we stepped back and looked at sectors of local business to draw attention to, we narrowed it down to 3; farming, banking, and methamphetamine distribution. We obviously couldn't go with farming as the Hawkeyes have already claimed it, and we didn't want to encourage more bankers, because well, let's face it, everyone knows bankers are douchebags, and we don't need any more of those in the world. After careful analysis, with Des Moines being the center of the methamphetamine trade, the best way to stimulate economic growth in our state is to promote more meth use across America."
It remains to be seen as to how much this new approach will help on the field, but it may help the Cyclones increase their exposure off the field. Long time meth producer and former Hawkeye fan Ronnie Jenkins III said that he would immediately be switching his loyalties to Iowa State. Jenkins noted: "This Ames team done gone and promoted my business, unlike that dickbag Gary Barta. Ain't no drugs you can make with corn. These Cyclones gonna double or triple my sales."
Iowa State fans and officials can only hope this enthusiasm remains in their newfound fans after they awaken in jail or the ER.