CCL Report

Each week, WRNL Capital City League correspondent Cylentbutdeadly will be providing a breakdown of the action from the hardwood and giving our loyal followers the hard-hitting journalistic standard and information that you've come to expect from WRNL.This is the first installment.

[Hilarious and some slightly NSFWish language after the jump. -Ed.]

Lots to get to, so let's not beat around the bush and get to it.

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP.

I don't want to get carried away or anything, but I just don't see how this Iowa State team doesn't win it all. Going into his third year at the helm for the Cyclones, Fred Hoiberg has assembled the perfect roster and they better make room in the trophy case at Hilton Coliseum, because they'll be adding one in April 2013.

Player Breakdowns:

• Korie Lucious - If we extracted DNA from Isaiah Thomas, Chris Paul and John Stockton and let scientists create the perfect point guard in a lab, I'm pretty sure that point guard would be Korie Lucious. Actually, I'm not ruling that out. We have the technology. Lucious had a fantastic weekend and if his play against some of the finest the CCL has to offer is any indication, he's a lock to be an all-American.
• Chris Babb - Shut out. That's right, Chris Babb will not allow an opponent to score a single point in 2012-2013. This is an advantage.
• Will Clyburn - I'm not sure if he knew there was a game going on. I'm willing to overlook that. After all, it is the CCL. No need to get carried away with who is playing well and who might have ripped a few hits from the pipe before the game started, but I'm not one to speculate.
• The Freshmen - Naz Long looks physically ready and could actually help this team out if he weren't playing behind the scientific marvel that is Korie Lucious. Georges Niang could find a way to score if Bruce Bowen, Dennis Rodman and Thabo Sefolosha were triple-teaming him. I wasn't sitting court side, but I'm pretty sure Sherron Dorsey-Walker was actually wearing a Red Shirt.
• The rest - Tyrus McGee chased a 22 oz. Red Bull with a 32 oz. 5 Hour Energy and tried harder than anyone has ever tried at anything, ever. Percy Gibson could have shattered the backboard at least six times but didn't want to interrupt play. Bubu Palo and Anthony Booker are championship pieces.

The Guys That Don't Go to ISU:

• Who fucking cares?

The Jersey-Chasers:

There was some decent muff in the house tonight. It wasn't the usual smut that turns up for these games, but it's the first weekend of CCL, so I'll give them a pass.

Bitches, Gripes and Complaints:

Never has the CCL charged for programs before, but this year, they're charging $1. I informed the young man at the table that I was a member of the media and showed him my credentials (a sixer of Natty Lite and my Dreamy shirt) but he had no idea what I was talking about.

That's it for this week. We'll see you back here next Sunday and if anyone tells you that summer league basketball isn't serious business, take them to "junk-punch city", because it totally is.