Fourth in a ten-part series: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3
Hello again friends! WRNL PAC is back, and our campaign continues to roll along this great nation, spreading the good word about Cyclone athletics. We're out there every day, kissing backs and slapping babies on the campaign trail. Or maybe we got that backwards. To be honest, there have been a lot of sleepless nights lately. Remember, WRNL PAC is always accepting volunteer applications.
Seriously, we need help. Free help.
But not because we can't afford to pay you! We could totally pay you! But we only want the dedicated fans; the fans who will stand out in a mall parking lot in Lawrence, Kansas in 100 degree heat, weathering the abuse that disgruntled Jayhawk fans heap on you.
And there will be abuse. Just returned from Austin, trying to sell people on choosing Iowa State for their 2012 Big XII champion. There was some... unpleasantness. It seems that Austin police are not that willing to help a group of people decked out in full Cyclone regalia when they're being mercilessly beaten by Longhorn fans. Not cool, Austin PD. Not cool.
But as always, WRNL remains undaunted. Because we believe in this mission. But more importantly, we believe that every single other team is unqualified to be your Big XI champion. Baylor isn't worthy. Texas continues to try and blow up the damn conference. But there's one team in particular that is too dangerous. Too monstrous. Too massive to be your Big XII champ.
That team is the Kansas Jayhawks. Too big to fail.
Mark Mangino. Charlie Weis. Hmmm... what do these men have in common? Besides a reputation as great offensive coordinator. Besides a reputation as egomaniacal quasi-sociopaths.
They're both... larger-than-average gentlemen. And their girth reflects the excess of the Kansas Jayhawks athletics programs. Only Kansas would need to call in the FBI and IRS to deal with a ticketing scandal in their athletic department. Only Kansas would have their former athletic director fined by the state ethics board. Only Kansas would be so greedy to win the Big XII basketball title eight years in a row. I thought this was a democracy, Kansas. Home of the free, land of the brave. Didn't you ever learn to share? Have you no shame, Jayhawks?
And this greed, this corruption, this corpulence has even trickled down to the Kansas players. Who can forget the despicable brawl between the Jayhawk football and basketball teams in 2009? Kansas' own players don't even like Kansas. Is this really the representative we want as our Big XII champion?
Let's not forget, Kansas fired Turner Gill after only two seasons. Where's the loyalty, Kansas? Does Kansas just like firing people? It seems they do, given that Kansas football has had five head coaches in the last two decades. Will Kansas fire the Big XII if they win the conference? It could happen!
Granted, Gill went 5-19 in his time as head coach and was woefully unprepared for the Big XII, but guess what? Iowa State had its own coach that was woefully unprepared for the Big XII and went 5-19 in two years on the job. That coach was Gene Chizik and Iowa State didn't fire him, they gave him an extension. That's loyalty. Or stupidity. Definitely one of the two.
So this year, choose a champion that's right for you. We've had enough of too big to fail. We've had enough of corrupt institutions that don't care about our interests. Iowa State is different. Success doesn't go to our heads. Our coaches can walk up a flight of stairs without stopping to catch their breath. Can you imagine Charlie Weis hoisting the Big XII championship trophy? What if he fell? He could kill dozens of people!
Choose Iowa State for your 2012 Big XII champions. Iowa State: Just the right size.
Paid for by WRNL PAC, a 501(c)3 organization