clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The Premiere Of The CyHorn Power Hour

Welcome to the newest weekly feature on WRNL. Peter Bean and I decided that our first chat for Burnt Orange Nation before the season started was so weird and oddly enjoyable that we might as well make it a weekly post that alternates between our two blogs. We'll be catching up on how the Cyclones and Longhorns are doing, while also discussing topics completely irrelevant to football. Starting next week, we'll also be taking mailbag questions from our readers. Pretty much anything is within the limits, so hit up myself or Peter with your submissions.


PB: So... we're doing this again.

CanAzn: And both our teams are totally still alive for the National Title!

PB: Very much so. Congrats on your win over Tulsa. Is this one of the years where they're kinda good, or just awful?

CanAzn: Tulsa looked alright. They definitely showed flashes of why they were favored against us.. in Jack Trice. I was quite worried until Cody Green decided to derp the game away.

PB: Oh that's right! They were favored! That pretty much guaranteed a great game from Jantz.

CanAzn: Fun stat of the week I saw: Paul Rhoads has been favored in all of 8 games since he started at ISU. He's won 19.

PB: Were there tears this week? Elephant dance?

CanAzn: There were none, sadly, but he did have a great soundbite. Had a delayed handoff from the end zone that resulted in a safety, and when asked about it, Rhoads just called out our OC and how stupid the play call was. But in a somehow non dickish way.

PB: Rhoads skates that thin line between really awesome and Brady Hoke.

CanAzn: I'm pretty sure Rhoads could tell me that I should kill myself and I wouldn't even be offended.

PB: You'd be honored.

Ashen Steele is proud to sponsor The CyHorn Power Hour.
Ashen Steele: a cologne for the discerning savage.

CanAzn: Speaking of Hoke though... holy crap.. I think everyone saw a blowout coming, but not that bad.
It reminded me of the good ol Colt McCoy vs ISU days.

PB: Hoke's schtick is on the right side of tolerable in a year like 2011 for Michigan. When things go bad, though? My God, can you imagine listening to him all year? All the cliches and platitudes and emoting....

CanAzn: Probably almost as bad as Mangino bad times.

PB: Well, Hoke tries to get you to improve by honoring The Michigan Way. Mangino sits on you and releases the rear pedal.

CanAzn: you know, because every player needs to get verbally assaulted by a morbidly obese man once.

PB: Alright, this is depressing the shit out of me. Let's talk about sex. I mean Jantz. His stat line was very Jantz-yesque: 250 yards, 2 TDs, a pick, 4 sacks.

CanAzn: Less Jantzy than normal, actually. Probably half the amount of WTF plays as he had on average last year.

CanAzn: I was really happy with the improvement he showed. Looked much calmer in the pocket.

PB: It's funny how everything sounds sexual with some people.

CanAzn: I said in my recap that it was the best I'd seen the team look in an opener for a long long time. And yes, Steele Jantz just has that power over everyone. You can't help but to be fixated.

PB: So this was pretty much the good offense that we talked about in the pre-season, right? Jantz is a playmaker, Johnson pops off 120 on the ground, and... wait, who's Ernst Brun? That is the most Germanic Warrior name I've ever heard.

CanAzn: Almost exactly, actually. BUT THERE WAS A BUNCH OF BUBBLE SCREENS! (Greg Davis probably pleasured himself multiple times to the game film)
Funny you say that, because Ernst Brun is like.. 6'3, 247 and super not Germanic. He's a JUCO from California playing in his first game.

PB: Well his name is super Germanic. And I kid you not: the origin of his name is serious (Ernst) armor (Brun).

CanAzn: Also being super non-Germanic (you know, due to being Asian), I will take your word for it, but that's pretty awesome.

PB: How does some Broseph from Cali wind up in Ames?

CanAzn: I think the best person to answer that question would probably be Seneca Wallace.

PB: Good point.

CanAzn: Since we're talking about names, how was Johnathan with the extra H's debut? Did Wescott Jantz in his pants for it?

PB: If he were anyone other than a running back, Texas fans would have turned on him already.
"Runs straight into the pile."
He had a forgettable debut, gaining virtually nothing on a handful of carries.

CanAzn: I'd feel worse for you guys if you didn't have Bergeron and Brown.

PB: Most fans were too busy being upset that David Ash didn't connect on either of his 40-yard bombs to notice.

CanAzn: Reviews of Ash seemed fairly positive though?

PB: I see you didn't make it into the comment sections.
Probably wise.

CanAzn: Did not. The UT guys I follow on Twitter seemed generally favorable though.

PB: No, on the whole, they were. But I was amused to no end that we spent all summer describing what we wanted and needed to see from David Ash, and then when he does EXACTLY what we all described in the opener, a bunch of fans groan, "6 yards per attempt? I was expecting so much more."

CanAzn: Well, on one hand, you'd been spoiled by Vince and Colt... but on the other.. after Garrett Gilbert, you guys should be happy with pretty much anything serviceable.

PB: [squints at screen] I'm sorry, can you type in a larger font? Having trouble following, kthx

It was so wrong in so many ways, but damn if that kid doesn't wear a face that matches his game

CanAzn: I miss GG. I really do.

PB: I bet you do. Baylor got a friendly reunion.

CanAzn: He was truly the gift that kept on giving.

PB: Little Sunday booty call for old time's sake

CanAzn: Ha, you associated booty call with Baylor....

PB: So are you an optimist fan by nature or do you expect shit to get shitty, and temper your enthusiasm accordingly?

CanAzn: I'm a realist. If you're a crazy optimistic Iowa State fan... well.. your heart is probably going to explode very early in life. I am, however, very pleased with the direction that Paul Rhoads is taking the program.

PB: Alright let me rephrase that. Realist is good. But I mean, do you allow yourself to dream? Get a little carried away when there's exciting momentum building.

CanAzn: Absolutely. It's always fun to dream about the possibilities. Plenty of powerhouse programs were nothing 20 years ago. But it requires a lot of right time, right place, right coach type stuff to happen.

PB: Love you some qualifiers there, don't you. You sure you're not a lawyer too?

CanAzn: Haha, maybe so. Let's put it this way, you can already see things changing around here. Fans are no longer happy with "just" losing by 14 to OU or Texas.

PB: In any event, that's good. We can be friends and talk about... well, whatever we're talking about here. I couldn't do this every week with a Deborah Downer.

CanAzn: That's good to know.

PB: This, by the way, is why Bill Walton is awesome. In the moment? When shit gets exciting? He can't help himself. He's going to say it: "Greg Ostertag is the finest center in the history of the NBA!" Anyone whose reaction to that is to challenge its truth value is no one I want to watch sports with. And probably an accountant, or Baylor fan. Possibly both - shudder. I ask you this, of course, because Paul Rhoads is someone who makes you want to get carried away. Or at least should if you have even a drop of soul in you.

CanAzn: So if I say... Blake Gideon is the greatest DB to ever suit up for Texas you'd say...

PB: You're missing a qualifier in there somewhere.

CanAzn: None. He was my favorite. But probably in that same sort of way Garrett Gilbert is my favorite Texas QB.
but I'm sure both of those statements are more convincing if made by Gus Johnson or Bill Walton.

PB: Your All-Time Texas team. So who's on the opposite team. The one that makes you cringe with fear? And feel free to flesh out that All-Time Team, as well, if there are others.

CanAzn: I really don't have much more to add to my favorites, but the UT players that terrified me? Obviously Vince. And Jordan Shipley.

PB: Go on...

CanAzn: Currently, Kenny V scares the Jantz out of me.

PB: As he should. Honestly, I feel a little awkward about my fondness for the Cyclones right now. It's a little too friendly to be appropriate.

CanAzn: We're a likable bunch, what can I say?
You've made it pretty clear your favorite is Steele. anybody strike your wandering Bevoeye?

PB: On ISU? I find myself hoping they have NFL careers and what not. It's weird. You know, on just about ANY other team, I would loathe a pair of overachieving linebackers who had been making 190 tackles apiece for going on six straight years. If they were Sooners? Unthinkable hate.

CanAzn: AJ Klein pretty much announced this week that he wanted to punch anyone wearing Hawkeye (or any other college's) gear on campus right in the face.

PB: A man of the people. The right kind of people.

CanAzn: AJ is the linebacker ISU deserves, but also the one it needs right now.
It's amusing how buddy buddy him and Jake Knott are. They're basically like the dual white boy version of Bertier and Julius from Remember The Titans.

PB: Remember the Titans. I didnt see that one. Denzel?

CanAzn: You've never seen Remember The Titans? Are you a terrorist?
And yes, it is Denzel.

PB: I'll watch it then. I irrationally love Denzel. Now what the hell is this about terrorist? Who the hell talks about Remember the Titans? Was this set in Iowa?

CanAzn: It's the greatest Disney Movie about high school football ever. It's like how Cool Runnings is the greatest movie about Jamaican bobsledding.

PB: And the Mighty Ducks... okay, I can't do it. You do watch Friday Night Lights though, right? <----FOOTBALL & TEXAS CITIZENSHIP QUESTION

CanAzn: I have seen sporadic episodes, but not straight through. Been meaning to start from the beginning. Tell me this though.. Is there lots of alcoholic fathers duct taping footballs to their kid's hands?

PB: I sense some disapproval in your tone.

CanAzn: Only if it's not on video for our amusement.

PB: That raises a pertinent question, though. Would you let your kid go to Iowa?

CanAzn: Yeah, but only if they wanted to be a lawyer (since ISU has no law program)... but if they wanted to be a lawyer, well, it's not like there's a soul to save anyway.

PB: This is where I yell "Objection!" right? Nice try -- I'm not going to be derailed.

CanAzn: Here's my scenario for you then... what if your son wanted to be an Aggie Yell Leader?

PB: Former son, you mean.

CanAzn: That's valid.

PB: If my son wants to be an Aggie Yell Leader, it will be because he already hates my guts. So I'd like to think it could never happen.

CanAzn: I hope not either. I don't think anybody should be subjected to that.

PB: So tell us Texas fans a bit more about what you think of Iowa. You know all about Aggies. I'm curious what ISU fans hate about Iowa people. Or if it's one of those friendly rivalries.

CanAzn: Iowa-Iowa State is interesting. Overall, Iowa has been superior in almost all sports, but Iowa fans spend all their time telling us that they don't care about us and that this game is Iowa State's Super Bowl and how the only reason we ever win is because we were trying harder than them.

PB: Impossible. Texas is EVERY team's Super Bowl!

CanAzn: and yet.. you go to any Iowa forum and there's a bunch of threads trying to make fun of Paul Rhoads' "speech impediment" or how he never disciplines troublemakers (ironic, given Iowa's past troubles)... and I'm talking about during non Hate Week. So clearly they don't care about the Cyclones.
ISU-UT we'll just call the Greg Davis bowl, since our first ever win against you guys probably got GDGD fired.

PB: This surely explains a substantial portion of the love I feel.

CanAzn: I imagine DeLoss on Hitler's body from that Downfall movie flipping out after losing to ISU.

PB: Too Jerry Jones-ish. Deloss is more Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Calmly grabbing a battery of weapons to end your world.

CanAzn: I'll ask Joe Castiglione about his experiences with that.

PB: But yeah, losing to Iowa State and Baylor tends to be a coach's downfall. One way or the other. There aren't many who could have survived as head coach going 5-7 at Texas, period.

CanAzn: Yeah, it's mindblowing you guys can ever have less than 10 wins/season.

PB: It was the purest cleansing ever, though. Canned Greg Davis. Canned the other fat-and-happy coaches. STILL MANAGED TO BEAT NEBRASKA IN LINCOLN ON THEIR WAY OUT. Just... sublime.

CanAzn: Hey, beating Nebraska in the last meeting in Lincoln... we can actually share that joy.

PB: Brothers. /dap

CanAzn: All it took was the Benny Hill of college football games for it to happen.

PB: Alright, we're running out of time/space here. Needless to say, since we didn't cover it this week, next week there will be discussion of Bob Davie. For now, though, you feel like pumping sunshine? Iowa State to 2-0 this Saturday? ARE YOU BETTER THAN NORTHERN ILLINOIS?

CanAzn: I can confidently say we're better than Northern Illinois. But we have to play in that hellhole known as Kinnick. I'll stick with my 23-21 ISU preseason prediction. How about you guys? Will fans finally be impressed with Ash against New Mexico? Will Johnathan Gray break a 98 yard run only to be hauled down at the 1 and Texas fans call him a bust?

PB: There is no upside in this game, only opportunities to be disappointed. I expect New Mexico to pay for some of the sloppiness of Texas' opening performance. I'm just delighted that Bob Davie has been broken out of his glass box and will be on the sidelines.
But we'll discuss that more next week. And see if I go 0-for-3 in my attempts to lure you into inappropriate discussions about co-eds. You're disciplined man.
Effing Paul Rhoads of restraint.

CanAzn: It's true. You could probably succeed by introducing some Texas co-ed pics though. Have heard good things about your scenery.

PB: See? You're warming up. We'll get there.

CanAzn: Oh, we will.

PB: Alright, sir. May there be much Jantz in your pants this weekend.

CanAzn: And I'll be hoping for you to keep it Ashy, not classy.