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The following transcript is a special contribution to WRNL and the views and opinions expressed do not necessarily represent those of WRNL.
Greetings and God bless!
This is the day that the Lord has made and it truly is a magnificent one! For those that don't know me, my name is Scott Drew, child of God, and I am the head men's basketball coach at Baylor University and I'm just overcome with joy that the Holy Father has provided me this opportunity to spread His word!
You see, I used to live a life of sin and resisted God, but when I came to Baylor University in 2003, I accepted Jesus into my heart and by golly, he's been blessin' me ever since! I wanted to take this opportunity to share my awesome experience with the Holy Spirit and also reveal the Lord's plan for me and for Baylor University.
When I'm not out evangelizing to young black youths in gyms and AAU tournaments across the country, I'm often visited by God back home in Waco. The Lord has appeared in many forms. To Moses, He shown himself as a burning bush. To Mary, He sent the Angel Gabriel. To me, He often relies on modern forms of communication, such as text messaging and Skype and revealed himself to me as "Big Daddy". I was skeptical at first that I was really communicating with God, but when the Lord speaks to you, you listen. Besides, I can't imagine anyone would create an elaborate, digital hoax just to prey on the naivety of a simple, God-ferring guy like me.
Anyway, God started to reveal his plan for me back around 2005. I struggled with doing God's will my first few years at Baylor, but then He sent me to Louisiana to meet a young man named Desmond "Tweety" Carter. "Bring this young man back with you to Waco and together, spread my message," the Lord told me on MySpace. Tweety and his family were ecstatic that they had been chosen by God for this tremendous opportunity. They were also overwhelmed with the generosity and gifts that the Lord bestowed on them. Now, when I say "gifts", I in no way mean material possessions, so you can get that right out of your heads and never think about it again. Okay?
Tweety really had a knack for spreading God's love and once I saw how much he appreciated the gifts God had given him, I knew what the Lord's plan was for me. He wanted me to travel the country, identifying young, black men who were in need of gifts from God and bring them to Baylor University to represent the Holy Spirit on the basketball floor. And that's what I've been doing ever since. You may remember a few of my prized disciples like LaceDarius Dunn, Quincy Acy, Anthony Jones, Ekpe Udoh, Cory Jefferson, Perry Jones, Quincy Miller and Pierre Jackson. All of these young men were eager to come to Waco and accept the gifts that the Lord was willing to give them.
I'm just tickled that the Lord chose me for this and I want everyone to know it. I text, email and Tweet young men every day at all hours and visit them throughout the year at their homes, their high schools and restaurants and most of them are happy to receive the Lord's gifts.
Now, there are those that don't truly believe in the work I'm doing and they say nasty things like I'm exploiting these young men in the name of God and these gifts that they're receiving aren't spiritual gifts, but instead things like money, jewelry and concert tickets. They also accuse me of being nothing more than a rotten "televangelist", or going so far as to say that I'm a poor in-game coach. I pray for those individuals but there is a reason that the Lord hasn't chosen them. Our Father has explicitly told me that only at a fine, Baptist institution like Baylor can a young fellow truly experience Jesus.
That brings me to the reason I'm writing you today. God recently contacted me on Facebook, sending me a powerful message that he's asked me to share with the world and more specifically, the rest of the NCAA and media. He simply called this message, "The Ten Commandments: An Updated Basketball Version". Presented below is the word of God:
- Thou shalt have no other gods before me, including Xenu, god of Scientology, which is totally fake and dumb.
- Thou shalt not worship any false idols, but more specifically those who call themselves Calipari, Krzyzewski or Self
- Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, especially when you think Scott Drew has mismanaged his timeouts
- Remember Baylor's two Elite 8 runs and keep them holy and totally don't bring up that they only beat teams that were seeded 10-13 to get there both times.
- Honor thy father's and thy mother's wishes, unless they tell you to go to any other school than Baylor University
- Thou shalt not kill. That's still bad
- Thou shalt not commit adultery, but it's technically not adultery if you're not married and Baylor does have a lot of beautiful recruiting hostesses
- Thou shalt not steal Scott Drew's cell phone records nor his email and Twitter passwords. There's nothing to see there anyway
- Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor and accuse him of contacting recruits during no contact periods
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's 5-star recruits, nor his AAU coach that you're clearly only hiring because you think that will sway the 5-star's decision and keep him from coming to Baylor
Amen to that brothers in Christ! It truly is amazing when God's glory is so present in our lives and this is without a doubt, what the Lord is bidding us to do, so we better listen.