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Royce to Help Cyclones with Travel Anxiety

Desperate times call for desperate measures.


With Wednesday's double overtime Burnt Orange Media Consipiracy screwjob heartbreaking loss at Texas, the Cyclones have dropped to a dismal 1-5 on the road against Big 12 opposition. With no answers in sight and a tournament-critical showdown in Waco looming, Coach Hoiberg has turned to an unlikely resource for help on his team's problems on the road.

"If there's one guy who can help us with our travel anxieties, it's Royce."

Royce White, who played at Iowa State for a year and led the team in six categories (Points, Rebounds, Assists, Steals, Blocks, and "Number of articles that mention he led those five categories"), was drafted by Houston in the first round last year. He has been a flashpoint for controversy due to his widely publicized anxiety disorder, which makes it nearly impossible for him to fly, except in rare cases. Royce has used his first-round status and an idealistic (if at times alienating) Twitter campaign to have mental health problems recognized as actual medical problems by a professional sports team.

While some mental health professionals will inevitably question the wisdom of seeking mental health advice from a D-League 6th man, Hoiberg was adamant in defending his decision.

"If there's one thing Royce taught me last year, it's that diagnosing the problem is the key to managing it."

Royce, who plays for the Development League's Rio Grande Valley Vipers, took advantage of a recent bus trip to division rival Iowa Energy to meet with Coach Hoiberg and the team in a series of private counseling sessions in Hilton. Vocal trogdolytes have gone so far as to call White "a crazy person." Hoiberg continues to defend his former player against harsh critics.

"You think Royce is crazy? Have you seen McGee's Hair? Or how Korie Lucious thinks he's a damn point guard? Hell, Georges has some stupid rule that the 's' on his name is silent except for the second Monday of every month, when he asks us to pronounce it 'Jor-Jess Knee-Yang'."

"Hell, I think we may have accidentally left Anthony Booker in Lubbock."

It remains to be seen if White's influence will help the team with their road woes, but he did seem optimistic about his chances to help his former teammates.

"Will [Clyburn] has a lot of trouble showing emotion, and it translates to a passion-less performance on the court that allows teams back into the game late. I hooked him up with an anonymous twitter account so he can vent his frustrations publically without potentially alienating future employers."

The Cyclones take on Baylor at 8:00 PM in Waco in a game critical to both team's tournament chances.