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JP Money Ain't Payin' All Your Bills, Son

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From time to time, WRNL allows esteemed figures to clarify their position through editorial. In this edition, Iowa State athletic director Jamie Pollard discusses some salient points in the debate over paying student athletes.

Ay yo, Iowa State! This is another message from the top brass: Jamie Pollard, AKA JP Money, AKA Jay-P, AKA A Sweater Called Vest. It's been a minute, but you know me, I keep my profile like I keep the ride on my Toyota Avalon: Low.

Now lately, I just been keepin' busy keepin' busy, runnin' Iowa State's athletic department like a BOSS. Keepin' all sports in the top-50 of the Director's Cup, watchin' that young pup Hoiberg crush shit in the hoops game and of course, always givin' money back to the needy.

But lately, a subject's been buggin' me worse than the tag on the back of my relaxed-fit St. John's Bay slacks (SJB, holla at'cha boy!). Student athletes runnin' they mouths 'bout gettin' paid. Some out there ain't happy with their cut of the stack.

And hey, I can respect that. Life out in the quad is a grind. Get that money, dolla dolla bill, y'all.

But here's the thing: Son, you already gettin' paid. If you're in school and playin' sports for the U, you got a scholarship, yo' room and board paid for and most likely, a cushy summer job lined up. If you play in the SEC, you KNOW you're gettin' way more than that under the table from boosters. Shit, if you play in the SEC, you're probably making more money than ME.

So I took to Twitter to holla at some folks. Real talk. Let the OG AD drop some science on yo' asses:

"Time for silent majority of student-athletes to take a stand, 'pay for play' is a fallacy by those that do not value education."

"Yet to hear one realistic plan how to pay players without eliminating all other sports. Value of Education versus Arena FB or D League."

"Ask a student body member with thousands of dollars of debt at graduation how they feel about a student-athlete saying they should be paid?"

"Athletic scholarships provide Accessibility and Affordability, two of our nation's biggest challenges facing higher education. "

"Only one that is going to be paid from "pay for play" are the lawyers. Time for silent majority to stand up and value education!"

Remember, just like g's, real student-athletes move in silence like lasagna. These g's are the silent majority, and it includes every volleyball shorty in CJL's program, every grappler on the wrestlin' team, every playa swingin' stick for Coach Tank. If you start payin' the football and basketball team, those ballers that bring in the cheese, you gotta pay the non-revenue sports too. Where's that money gonna come from?

Nowhere, that's where. All those other programs'll be 187 in the motherfuckin' gutter. And if those teams go, the Cyclones can't live up to the obligations of the NCAA or the Big 12. Then WE'RE out there in the gutter with the soccer team. It's a cold world sometimes.

See, all this is about PARITY, fools. What, you think this is a game?! Well, yes, technically it is. But forget that! This is real business, son! Big time college sports!

ISU has its corner of the Big 12 staked out, but it's a small territory. We're surrounded on all sides by wolves that keep tryin' to snatch our stash. Right now, ISU keeps the lights on and keeps all the street-level soldiers paid. We handle our business. But you add extra payments to all players to that balance sheet? Sheeeeiiiiitttt... Texas and Oklahoma can absorb a hit like that, but us? We'd be flatter than Victor Ortiz after a Mayweather left hook.

It ain't fair that Texas and Oklahoma have all that cash. That's fine, this game ain't about fairness. But man, this is America. Everybody at least gets a spot at the table. You start lettin' the big boys get too much power, you get a situation where the little guy gets squeezed outta the equation. Like the five families of the Cosa Nostra in New York. Or the ADM, Cargill and Monsanto cartels if you need an example from 'round the way.

So what're we gonna do? We should have a sitdown, that's what we should do. Players, ADs, the NCAA... Get y'all into a bigass room and hash this shit out. I know it ain't right that football and basketball players stack cash for universities and don't see a fraction of the profit. I know it ain't right that EA Sports and Nike make cheese off yo' likeness and jersey numbers, and y'all don't see a dime. But it's the system we trapped in right now. Until we move on up to a better world, y'all are just gonna have to make do with a free scholarship, free food, free rent and all the jersey-chaser bootie you can handle. Try to survive.