Big 12 Mascots: A Pro-Con Analysis

Editor's Note: Much credit should also be given to ClonesJer for his contributions to this article.

Baylor - Bruiser

Pros

Level of comfort in his sexuality at a repressive Baptist university indicative of societal progress in general

Is not actually a live bear

Appears to be ursine in most body parts

Cons

Has inflatable counterpart

Is not actually a live bear

Thinks Sic 'Em is a thing

Iowa State - Cy

Pros

Capable of surviving routine physical and emotional abuse

Voted most powerful mascot on Earth

General lack of awkwardly human characteristics

Cons

Not an actual tornado

Cannot actually fit into a blender

Perpetual smile is alarming when losing by 64 points

Kansas - Big Jay

Pros

Being slightly less anthropomorphic than his in-state counterpart enhances approach ability

Midget Jay sidekick allows him to bail out of some stick jams ala Scooby and Scrappy

Probably has a killer 15 footer

Cons

Jazz hands

Roooooooock Chaaaaaaaaaaalkkk

Beneath Charlie Weis on the food chain

Kansas State - Willie

Pros

Can really shred the axe

Most cost effective mascot costume in the Big 12

Uses proper form when tackling

Cons

Excessively anthropomorphic form is confusing to pretty much everyone

Frightens young children

More top heavy than Bridget the Midget

Oklahoma - Boomer & Sooner

Pros

Classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villain-like appearance

Assumption that they are twins allows for shenanigans such as switching clothes and girlfriends

Have killer "Horse walks into a bar" jokes

Cons

[Band plays Boomer Sooner]

[Band plays Boomer Sooner]

[Band plays Boomer Sooner]

Oklahoma State - Pistol Pete

Pros

Can emulate Michael Jackson's dance moves despite a severely disproportionate head-to-body ratio

Well groomed mustache

Practices hand gun safety

Cons

Routinely brings firearms into crowded facilities

Is probably T. Boone Pickens in disguise

Rapes with impunity

TCU - SuperFrog

Pros

Uniqueness ensures there will never be an awkward Tiger vs Tiger match up

Shoots blood out of its eyes

Seriously.... it shoots blood out of its eyes

Cons

Not actually a frog, but a member of the lizard genus Phrynosoma

Abuses the "Do I make you horny baby?" pick up line

Struggles with respect due to wearing purple

Texas - Bevo

Pros

Contributes to the quality of grass at Darrell K. Royal Stadium

Is generally docile

Will be a great porterhouse someday

Cons

Shits on the turf

Lacks testicles

Was recruited to play safety

Texas Tech - Zorro

Pros

Rides an actual horse

Fights for the freedom of oppressed Spanish people

Is capable of pulling Catherine Zeta-Jones level ass

Cons

Horseshit: Not only on the field, but the correct answer when anyone implies Kingsbury is as dreamy as His Dreaminess, Fred Hoiberg

Zs slashed in everything

Not a pirate

West Virginia - Mountaineer Holgo

Pros

Personal Red Bull and alcohol consumption has increased West Virginia's GDP by 10% since 2011

Stylistic role model for balding party animals everywhere

Is basically Mike Leach

Cons

Defense

Taste

Banishment from local casinos has lead to a considerable decay in West Virginia's public infrastructure

Your move Bring on the Cats...