clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Weekly Troll: Kansas Annual Review

New, 22 comments

Now that most of us have had at least a week to consider rational aspects of our upcoming opponent, it's time to not do that. This is your guide to prove that we, as a collective fan base, are far better than those mouth-breathers. Let's have a look back at all the terrible things they've done in the past year.

PILLOW FIGHT III

Iowa State is looking to be above .500 in the Big XII since....??? This year the oddsmaker's really like Iowa State in this epic rivalry by a margin of 16.5 points. So on paper, Iowa State is looking real good to get above .500 in league play before they enter they slaughterhouse. But we Iowa State fans sure remember last year when we thought that we were going to win the Second to Last Bowl. Since God, Moses, and Keanu Reeves obviously have it out for Iowa State and their fans, this happened:

How didn't we see this coming? But this is so, so sad. In every conceivable way. From the fact we just lost to Kansas, to the very small number of "fans" who actually showed up for this poop throwing competition, to the actually reality that said fans then stormed the field and tore down those weird yellow posts that supposedly points can come from. In all seriousness, I can say this was my lowest point of Cyclone football fandom.

And for the rest of the year,it was just a couple of pathetic teams playing pathetic football until mercy was bestowed upon both of us with the end of football season.  hat was torture. But the end of football season inevitably leads to the beginning of BASKETBALL SEASON. YAYYYYYY!!!! Basketball is really the only reason our athletic departments even exist at this point. So let's talk about what everyone really wants and relive the moments of your failure at our expense!

Game 1:

God, it's such a far off feeling to be that hype for an Iowa State sporting event. The last time we got that excited, we UAB'ed ourselves into oblivion. DON'T BRING IT UP. Let's just agree that if you don't bring up UAB we won't bring up your loss to super-inferior little brother Wichita State. Got it?  Okay good. Let's move onto the final meeting of the season since the scheduled game in Lawrence was cancelled due to extremely high levels of radiation in the area.

Big XII Championship Game:

That's just 9:15 of celebration. It's a lot like the your celebration when you tore the goal posts down, except the fact it was actually for something of significance. And oh yeah, WE DIDN'T STORM THE COURT EITHER TIME. We must have so much more class and tradition that we don't have to storm the court/field. Apparently, that's not you though. ACT LIKE YOU'VE BEEN THERE CHUMPS.

Then you lost to someone 'er other in the NCAA Tournament, but we agreed not to talk about that.

So now let's get to your somehow more shameful football season than ours. It's impressive on how bad your ass has been stomped into the Earth's mantle.  You've lost to the likes of South Dakota St., Memphis, and Rutgers - which was deemed the WORST GAME EVER by everyone in the galaxy). Unfortunately for us Cyclone fans, you have the possibility to be in two consecutive "WORST GAME EVER's". That's horrible, dark, and disastrous for us and absolutely hilarious for you. I can't wait for this mess.

Oh and let's not forget, KSU went out of their way in a game that wasn't against you, to tell you to suck dick. I love them.

Suck dick Kansas. I'm still super sour about Cheick Diallo.

If you have any other perfectly logical reasons for why we are better than Kansas, don't hesitate to share in the comments.