If you tuned in to last week's Troll, you noticed I did things a little different. Instead of poking fun at all the horrible yet funny things you've done in the past year (besides that whole Art Briles Denial thing), I used my Super Sweet Future Seeing Powers and told you the outcome of the game. And after a slightly unforeseen first quarter, turned out to be good and true.
And now that I'm feeling confident, I might as well just do it again. I feel my people need to be informed about the impending doom that is to come. And boy, IS IT SOME DOOM. Some of you might say, "Yeah well, it's Baylor's demon offense against Iowa State. It's pretty easy to predict the outcome of that one." Well, that person might be right. BUT I showcased my skills by showing you actual plays in the game. That's a gift.
But this week, I'm going to up the ante. I'm not just gonna show you the plays again - that would be boring. I'm gonna show you what happens after the scoring play. I'm gonna show you Baylor's celebrations. And some of these show the least amount of class. I expect more from Art Briles, really. It must be a recruiting move or something. Whatever it is, it must be working.
This is so much more fun than forcing it anyways:
Here you see Baylor's 400 lb. TE LaQuan McGowan, shakin' dat ass after he put one in the end zone. And I'm not even mad about it. I live for fat man touchdowns, man. They are the entire reason these huge men play the game. They work in the trenches with little recognition play after play, game after game. And every so often, the football gods smile down upon us and give us a fat man touchdown. It's just so joyful.
You get to see a fat man live his dream while you get to laugh at the fact that a fat man just scored. And couple in the fact that after this fat man touchdown, he puts his hands on his hips and then moves them like Shakira. I hope he scores every touchdown.
Here you seen Baylor QB Seth Russell doing the whitest touchdown dance ever. I don't even know what this is. Lawnmower? That's a terrible lawnmower. I guess he's white, so close enough I guess.
Okay, here's where things start to get a little disgraceful.
Here is some SHOWBOAT, who will remain nameless, doing a celebration that seems to resemble gambling. Craps maybe??? Don't you know gambling is related to gangs and gang violence. Where is a college athlete getting all this money to gamble and throw around in the air anyway? GANGS PERHAPS?!?! You might want to look into this guy, NCAA. Who knows, he could be caught up in some really horrible stuff...
Above is Seth Russell being incredibly white again. This time it looks likes he is attempting to do the Dougie? Seems as if he has only mastered the hands rubbing your head thing though. Plus this is, like, centuries old. A very white thing to do.
This time the entire team got in on the fun. The Baylor Bears stopped the game after a score and just started doing the Electric Slide. It was nice of the black guys to indulge the few white guys in dancing with them. The Electric Slide is the pinnacle of group white people dancing.
After another touchdown, Baylor finally gets a little soul. Once again they again stop play, but this time they put on a concert complete with backup dancers. It's a welcome relief to the crowd in that it distracts them from the actual play on the field. The song isn't the greatest, but Bears fans will never EVER shut up about how good this team was. NO ONE ELSE CARES.
After about five more touchdowns I didn't have the heart to show you, Baylor finally decided to do the dancing on the field...
At least they let us score.