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Paul Rhoads Faux Presser: Post-Oklahoma

Iowa State head coach Paul Rhoads discussed Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and other important information that has no relevance to Iowa State football in this week's totally real press conference that 100% seriously, definitely, no joke, actually happened.

Ray Carlin-USA TODAY Sports

Iowa State football coach Paul Rhoads met with the media early this morning to discuss his thoughts on last weekend's visit to Norman, where the Cyclones were destroyed by Oklahoma, along with his thoughts on the upcoming game against Oklahoma State.

On Oklahoma...

"I really wasn't that impressed. Sure, we got destroyed, but keep in mind that Bob Stoops has always hated us because I got the job over him in 2008."

"Also don't forget, we won the second quarter."

"We also kept them to their lowest point total in November, and it was actually the closest game they've played after October of this year as well. They're just on fire right now. Once they cool off, they'll be back to normal."

On the Best Teams Iowa State Has Played This Year...

"Oklahoma was definitely the best team we've lost to. I'd also put Baylor, TCU, Texas Tech in the mix of the top teams we've lost to this season. Of course, I can't forget about Toledo."

"Those are definitely the five best teams we've lost to this season."

"But I still think the best teams we've played overall this year are Northern Iowa, Kansas, and Texas. We just prepared harder for those games and our boys really wanted those games to prove they belonged in the same conversation as Alabama, Ohio State, and Clemson."

On the Oklahoma Defensive Gameplan...

"We were just smaller and slower than them."

On the Oklahoma Offensive Gameplan...

"We were just smaller and slower than them."

On Oklahoma's Trick Play...

"They were clearly scared of us. They knew we would likely shut them out if they didn't score right away. Fortunately for them, they did score. We decided to prepare for a fake play the rest of the game, and unfortunately we didn't see another one."

"Did it lead to them scoring over 50 points? Sure. But you're damn right they didn't run another trick play."

On Oklahoma's 31-0 Run...

"At least it wasn't a 38-0 run, you know what I mean? That would've been ugly."

"When we entered halftime, we told our players to try and give up a few scores to hopefully make Oklahoma think that they were better than us so their players would stop trying, and then we would pounce. Obviously it worked, since we had the last score. There just wasn't enough time left on the clock for us to come back."

On How To Beat Oklahoma State...

"No Jeff Woody. No Jared Barnett. No chance."

"Our practices this week will be watching game film of Ames High football. I really don't think we'll learn a lot, but the uniform combinations are nearly identical, so we shouldn't get confused on who we're trying to tackle next week."

"We're going to run the 'please don't hurt me' offense, in which we plan to kneel the ball three straight times before punting it. This will take about 2:30 off the clock, which is probably more than any time we'd take off if we actually try to score."

On Adele's "Hello"...

"I wrote that song for an ex-girlfriend in high school roughly 10 years ago. And when I say high school, I mean she was in high school."

"Anyhow, we broke up because I told her parents I was SO PROUD of her mom's cooking, and that it was clear that her daughter, my girlfriend, enjoyed her cooking as well."

"I kept calling to apologize after that, but she never answered. So, I wrote that song and sang it to her over the phone. Last thing I heard, she giggled and hung up."

"Now she's singing it on the radio and I'm coaching Iowa State football."

On Drake's "Hotline Bling"...

"There's a lot of confusion about that song, thinking it relates to one night stands, but that's not the case at all."

"In college, Drake worked at a popular pizza restaurant called 'Dat Ass Dough.' The phone lines were always busy, so I would call him on his cell phone to order what I wanted."

"Unfortunately, coming to Iowa State meant leaving Dat Ass Dough, which led to Drake thinking that I just didn't like his pizza."

"Not the case at all. Great pizza, great service. I just can't get a piece of Dat Ass Dough when I'm literally states away."