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Hi there, everyone! College football playoff chair Jeff Long here. Recently, there's been a lot of discussion about our rankings of playoff teams, with some people such as no-talent ass clown Joel Klatt raising the question of East Coast bias or favoritism shown to certain conferences or play styles.
Because of this, I've come on this shitty Iowa State blog to discuss how the committee ranked burger places across America so you can have a look into the thought process behind our selections. Please remember that these rankings are VERY IMPORTANT and you need to make a big deal out of them because they are crucial for the final burger ranking we'll be releasing in a few weeks.
CFB Playoff Committee's Best Burger Places:
1. Runza. Tom Osborne loves Runza, the greatest Nebraska franchise of all time, so it's your problem if you don't like it.
2. McDonald's. Sure, it's just mediocre, but it's been mediocre for so long. #consistency
3. Burger King. Uh, they've got King in their name. That means they're good, right? #3 sounds okay.
4. Wendy's. What can I say? We like ginger women.
5. Hardee's. So underrated. Location appeal is a big plus.
102. Culver's. Burgers that make you slow and lethargic after eating them. That's the kind of offense we appreciate.
276. In-N-Out. Not enough locations on the East Coast. Fuck them.
553. Fuddruckers. Don't excel in any one area. Can rearrange the letters in their name to spell Fuck Rudders.
721. What-A-Burger. Big offensive performance, but ketchup provided on the side? Too unconventional. Also, do they know how to play defense?
893. Five Guys. They don't even have enough guys to field a full team.
900. Carl's Jr. Shit food, shitty West Coast locations.
949. A&W - Better known for their root beer floats, but they've got a loyal fan following in a 25 mile vicinity of every location.