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Paul Rhoads Faux Presser: Post-Texas

Iowa State head coach Paul Rhoads discussed Texas, Oklahoma, and other random crap in a totally real press conference that 100% seriously, definitely, actually, absolutely happened.

Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

Iowa State football coach Paul Rhoads met with media this morning to discuss his thoughts on last week's victory over Texas, the upcoming game against Oklahoma, and this past week in the NFL.

On Texas...

"It was a great team win. I've said all season that if we didn't have (Mark) Mangino on staff, we'd be undefeated. Turns out I was right - again."

"The offense looked great, the defense looked great. Don't know where the 12,000 fans were that decided not to show up, but that's not my problem. I'm so proud, SO PROUD, of these boys for this victory over that sad excuse for a football team they trotted out in Texas uniforms."

On Joel Lanning...

"I thought we did a great job of getting him into obvious passing situations, such as 3rd and long, and forcing him to scramble and get a first down on his own. I've always preached a system in which a QB has to do all the work, and I think we saw just how effective that was Saturday night."

On Mike Warren...

"To be quite honest, I'm not happy with (Todd) Sturdy. Mangino crossed the line when he told me he wouldn't give Mike Warren the ball on 100% of our plays like I asked him to. So when I told Sturdy to do the same, I figured he'd listen, but I was wrong."

"I love Warren. I want him to put this team on his back. If he doesn't get 60-70 carries a game, we aren't going to win. Ever."

"Except for against Texas."

On the Defense...

"We came in with a different game plan than we have in past years. Last Monday we told our kids to try and give up 1 point or less. Turns out that actually works well."

"I also convinced Wally to change his philosophy from 'Bend but don't break' to 'Don't even bend,' and that worked, too."

"You're welcome."

On Texas Pre and Post Game Comments...

"That fan base is great, but their players have huge egos and their coaches are dicks for a team that is just 3-5. They could really learn something from our boys. A little joint now and then never hurt anybody."

"As for Charlie Weak getting upset he got outcoached...of course he did. I can't think of one game I've ever coached where I didn't outcoach the other coach. I firmly believe I'm the best coach in the history of ever, it's my players' fault my record doesn't show that."

On Big 12 Standings...

"I have this team ranked in the middle of a 10 team conference that consists of two top 5 teams, both of whom we've played. I believe an upset here, an upset there, and poof, we have the conference championship in the bag. It will be very hard to argue that we don't deserve a playoff spot when we win out."

On Oklahoma...

"We got a great opportunity on Saturday. Sure, stats show that we score 5 points for every 22 points Oklahoma scores in my time coaching here, but that isn't the point. We just have bad luck. I truly think this could be the year we upset the Sooners."

"Look at Vegas. We were supposed to lose by 8 to Texas and we won by 24. We're supposed to lose by 24 to Oklahoma, so I believe it's fair to assume we'll win by at least 8. It's simple math."

"What it will take to beat them is hearing Boomer Sooner less than 50 times. If we can do that, odds are this game is ours. I might even send Levi (Peters) into the stands during the game to scare off their band. That would suck the energy right out of their stadium."

"By the way, whenever I see Bobby boy, I see 'OU' on his shirt, which obviously means he owes me something for letting them completely dismantle us the last few years. I'll inquire about specifics when we get there and see if he'll just let us win this time."

On What He Looks Forward To Most This Week...

"The football game... Duh. HAHAHA I'm just kidding."

"Friday night at Hilton. The team is staying here to watch and we won't be flying out for Norman until after the game just because we want to watch the beginning of the Prohmian Empire."

On What It Will Take To Keep His Job...

"Uh, I just beat Texas."

"I can't believe I haven't received my lifetime contract yet. This job's mine, regardless of what happens the rest of the year."

"Unless I decide to head to USC, of course."

On NFL Week 8...

"It felt like watching ISU football. Lots of key players were injured and my fantasy team really took a hit."

"I really enjoyed watching that game Sunday night. That Rodgers guy looked pretty rough. I probably would've benched him early on just to see what my backup could do."