The Weekly Troll: Oklahoma Annual Review

Bob Stoops is an asshole.

He is my most hated coach in the history of the Earth, moon, stars, galaxies, and God. Just click that beautiful link up there and you'll find out all the lovely things he's done to poor little Iowa State. And that was before he got his boney, small, sweaty, fish hands on us last year.

Looking back to one year ago, BOOOOOOBBBB did his usual song and dance of running up the score against little brother to the tune of 59-14. Yeah, we sucked pretty hard last year, but anything over 40 in a game like this is rubbing our noses in it.

This all dates back to the years 1979-1982 that Stoops spent as a Hawkeye. This was shortly after the rivalry with Iowa State was renewed, but during his four year stay in Iowa City, he managed to go a measly 1-3 against Iowa State. No wonder his nipples get hard every time he gets the chance to stomp the little ole' Cyclones.

Because he only experienced victory against Iowa State once, he just longs to make Iowa State feel the way he felt the other three times he played Iowa State... PAIN. And luckily for him, he hasn't failed once since being head coach.

Even though we Cyclones will probably lose this coming Saturday, I will still vigorously root for that moment when we finally stomp on his tiny little hate boner. He will weep like the Hawk he truly is.

Make sure to educate yourself on Oklahoma's history of well-deserving white people stealing land. But let's get to all the great things OU has done over the course of this past year instead.

After BOOOOOBBBBB's butt tickling victory over Iowa State, he managed to really live up to his nickname by getting shit housed by Big 12 co-champion Baylor. This isn't all that bad really, since Baylor did this to a lot of teams last year, but this was an embarrassing loss at home. So suck it, Bob.

Then, you beat Texas Tech and Kansas in the following games. I congratulate you on doing something we couldn't do. But thennnnn this happened:

OH YES. THAT'S THE STUFF. I want to chop up that punt return and snort lines of it off the pylons' tits. The creepy looking Okie State mascot is gonna get so loaded he's gonna get, not one, but TWO cheerleaders prego. A few lives might get ruined because they OD'ed on that punt return, but god damn IT WAS WORTH IT.

Then you managed to get to another bowl game about a month later, where you were thoroughly ass-juiced by a ACC team. That team being Clemson, which in retrospect doesn't look too bad since they are #1 at the moment according to our CFP overlords. We all know they are going to Clemson themselves right out of the picture here sometime soon, because you know, Clemson.

It's exactly like this, but for College Football:

I think we can apply this to BIG GAME BOOOOBBBBBB, too.

I know you don't know or care about your actually good basketball team, but I need to remind you of few things before we tip off this year:

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPANGLER IS GROSS.

Basketball will be back very soon, but you couldn't care less about that nonsense of a sport. So let's get back to your truly most embarrassing moment of this entire article:

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSUCK IT.

I don't need to tell you how the Iowa State vs. Texas went last week. I suspect you are well aware and realize how much you puked on your dicks against the Longhorns. You could be undefeated and being talked about with the likes of your blue blood peers...but you lost to Texas.

WE BEAT TEXAS 24-0 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SORRY I COULDN'T RESIST. You suck.

And if you've been following the news lately, this horrible thing was randomly put on campus this week:

Melt it down, morph it into a dumpster, then let Bob throw away his poop-filled diapers in it after he shits his pants against teams like Texas (and hopefully Iowa State this year).

If you have any other perfectly logical reasons for why we are better than Oklahoma, don't hesitate to share in the comments.