1) Hoiberg played in the NBA for 10 years. Self peaked in college, never played pro ball.
2) Hoiberg coaches at alma mater. Self coaches wherever he can win.
3) Hoiberg has way better dance skills, see below, enough said.
4) Hoiberg has a better looking wife. With apologies to Cindy Self, nothing personal.
5) Hoiberg can ask women "do you know which way to the weight room?" and have them swoon. Self asks same question, women laugh and point and don't even respond.
6) Hoiberg once led the NBA in 3 point shooting percentage. Bill Self leads the Big 12 in bitching at officials.
7) This has to be one of Self's kids, you'd never see Hoiberg's kids doing this.
8) Hoiberg has the better nicknames, The Mayor, McDreamy, Son of God (I may have made last one up). Self has, ummmm, Bill Self(ie)???
9) Hoiberg has the better sandwich named after him, The Hoiburger is clearly better than, The Bill Self. Way to go out on a limb.
10) Hoiberg's name can't be turned into a masturbation joke.