The WRNL Hotbox

Oh, hey.  It's me...the Hotbox.  It feels like an eternity since we last sat down and had a good chat.  Last week, we had the very, very depressing event that was the Sadbox.  I mean like, that was a bummer, man.  And the week before that, we were all in a drunken stupor and had our Special Guest Host, NormanUnderwood, double team the box with me.  As much fun as that was, I feel like I didn't get to fully connect with our readers.  This week, I get to connect that connection once more.  I'm sooo ready to connect with you again.

All the following submissions you are about to read are from the previous two weeks.  Most the following submissions are from the double teamed box two weeks ago when we were all so full of optimism and joy and life.  This is for two reasons:  One, everyone was sad and couldn't bring their brains back into reality.  And two, the comments in the Sadbox were mostly about a Hawk troll called, HoiTURDburger.  Eat my butt, HoiTURDburger.  The comments need to be about ME, not your pathetic trollin' ass.

But anyways, you will be able to tell when the submissions change over to the Sadbox variety.  They are...interesting.

Let's get back into the Box:

Fierce134,

Hotbox,

Do any of the Cyclone sports team have a sports psychologist on staff, specifically football? Being that these athletes are 18-22 year old kids, a good portion of their success can be contributed to their mental state. I would think something like the schism between loving/hating SBR could mess with a guy’s head when he reads stuff online. And yeah I know, "Stay off the internet, kids!" But in this day and age that’s not happening. Look at everyone that dumped on Georges and the team after the K-State loss? I just think having a guy that can help them with their mental psyche could be a huge advantage. Then again, I’m a counseling psych student about to finish a Master’s degree, and I would happily get paid to help them out!

I can't believe this was written before the UAB tragedy.  But can I get one of those Sports Psychologist things?  I need one.  Thinking about that game gives me a personality disorder.  A sports psychologist could help me channel one of the personalities that isn't an Iowa State fan so my brain doesn't turn into cottage cheese.  It would be for the best.

But back to your original question.  Does Iowa State Athletics have their own sports psychologist?  HELL NO.  Have you ever watched any sort of Iowa State game?  They are mindfucked at the worst time.  They look like world-beaters one moment and then can lose to UNI or UAB or AIB or STD.  It's stupid and it's why we are all going to die an early death.  If you want to be their Sports Psychologist, be our guest.  Wipe all their memories and replace them with Rocky montagues.  WE WOULD NEVER LOSE.

step_aCyde,

Dear Hotbox,

I have been trying to convince my friends to do Cy’s House of Trivia for the last few years, and the cost is the major reason most have been saying no. I love trivia (I play weekly) and we always come up to tailgate for the spring game, so we’re already right there. Have you ever done CHOT? Is it worth the money? Is it too late to sign up? Any info is appreciated!

Love and kisses,

step_aCYde

As I have never actually been to Cyclone House of Trivia, (I'm the worst) I had to find an Iowa State fan who actually acts like one.  Our valiant leader was gracious enough to drop some CHOT knowledge on your asses.

KnowDan:

No doubt the cost of CHOT is up there when compared to other forms of entertainment.  It runs about $60/person but this isn't some run of the night trivia operation where the guy reading questions is drunk and trying to fingerblast the chick closest to him.  Nooooo sir, this is some high quality trivia on the floor of Hilton Coliseum and is hosted by the venerable Keith Murphy and his sidekick Andy Fales. And I haven't even talked about the beer and food yet.

Neither beer is special (we're talking Bud/Coors Light and Sam Adams), and the food is Hy-Vee catered, but all of it is included in your entry fee.  That's right, it's literally all you can eat and drink.  That alone is worth its weight in gold and teams frequently build cup pyramids from their empties and have a side competition to see whose can get the highest before toppling over on some coach's wife.  If that doesn't get your friends off their asses and willing to enter the lottery (only way you're getting in now) then maybe this will.

This is one of the only events where you get to mingle with the coaches and do it while they're chugging alcohol. The football coaches will have just wrapped up the spring and will be blowing off steam so the likelihood of them punching you in the face for asking about the status of the tire fire is nil.  Hell, they'll probably even agree with you. Finally, here's a pro tip: don't expect the head coaches to give you any dirt.

Use your wife to get your photo op with Fred, talk to Rhoads about motorcycles, but get the assistants nice and drunk if you want to know which football player got caught banging a cheerleader or which basketball player really could beat Fred in HORSE.

IamTheSherm,

In an alternate universe where the Maylor leaves Ames, what's the likelihood Pollard would invite Eustachy back?

It's the closest number to 0 that is not 0.  Because the moment I say there is a non-chance of the Godfather coming back, he will come back.  And imagine all the #CLICKS we would get if the Godfather came back to Natty Land.  I would write a think piece about how the Godfather has come full circle, and how Iowa State basketball came full circle when they beat Michigan State in the Elite Eight in 2025.  It will be dreadful piece of writing but you will read it.

He would also require the University to credential us.  We would respectfully decline.

Bryclone,

What are the odds that one of Hoiberg’s kids (Paige or Jack) is playing for Iowa State in the next 5 years?

It's the closest number to 100 that is not 100.  Because the moment I say there is every chance of the Hoiberg kids coming to Iowa State, they won't come.  But I feel very confident that all three of the boys will come and play for Father Dreamy if he is still there.  And I think he will stay here for that very reason.  Obviously, his daughter can't play for Father Dreamy.  She very well might want to come and play women's ball here but something tells me she might not even come to Iowa State.  Let the rumors begin...

DNA4CY,

A friend and I used to have this thing back in our days as AAU basketball.  We were the 5th and 6th man, and for the record – I was the 5th man. We'd see balls go halfway down the hoop only to plop back out.  It is a mystical thing that only had one explanation – an electrical shock through the rim. I'm no physicist (shameless plug – I’m a molecular biologist) but this idea seems plausible to me. Think about all the shots that you are just like…WOAH NO WAY..cuz they're in and then out. Maybe you'd need a spiked ball for this to happen..one that would be receptive to this shock. And obviously the current isn’t always running through the rim or Jameel would be a dead man by now, but some guy holds a remote akin to the BWW’s overtime switch. Thoughts?

PS - Elite Eight or die IMO

Oh look, the science NERD is hanging on to his athletic peak.  I tackled Jeff Woody in high school, BIG WHOOP.  But to your point.  I have always been baffled when things like this happen.  The ball can look like it's definitely going down and flop out.  The ball can hit the underside of the rim and somehow have enough JIZZ to defy gravity and go it.  There is obviously some scientificy and physicsy explanation for this.  Shouldn't the science NERD know this?  There is no electric shock going through the rim.  This is dangerous and illegal and dumb.  If you didn't know, the ball is made of either leather, rubber, or a combination of the two.  Neither of those conduct electricity.  Read a book, NERD.

PS - I agree and we are all dead.

Neighborhoodwatchguy,

so Iowa state loses which is just a slap in the face…then one thing some (probably not many because this hotbox is a hack job) people look forward to is you answering their questions. But instead of getting their questions answered you post sad songs (granted they are perfect for this situation, I applaud you, or whoever actually picked them for the selection) which in turn is just slapping them in the face again. I mean honestly you couldn’t take 10 minutes out of your busy day to answer a few questions? You can address that question in your next hot box, however that’ll probably just be pictures of animals in human clothing……which would actually be steps above the normal hotbox.

1. No I couldn't take 10 minutes out of day to answer Hotbox submissions.  It was immediately after the game and my emotions would not have allowed me respond to Hotbox submissions in a calm, logical, and reasonable manner like I always do.  My readers deserve better.

2. 

YoungAndTroubled,

What's up box,

I'm wasted so no better time than the present to release the heat on the box.

Currently watching Arizona beat the fighting tattoos (fighting Thad Mattas) at my buddies place.

I’d like to clear up something with the box. I am not neighborhood watch guy. That guy sucks (again). He’s more negative than Courtney messingham in a new series (it’s a read option). So let’s move on to why I don’t like this neighborhood watch guy.

1) have you seen those signs for neighborhood watches? They’re so incredibly creepy.. Likely like the neighborhood guys.

2) neighborhood watches are a fallacy. If you’re going to rob my neighbor that’s fine. His sprinklers likely hit my yard and kill my grass, so it’s karma for somebody taking his 40 inch tv (I have a 55 inch so it’s fine)

3) the neighborhood guy should listen to Devin the Dude to loosen up. He won’t. Because he’s too busy looking out of his window or looking at this website for things to attack.

4) I really really dislike you neighborhood guy. So lets have a debate. Where you bring up pointless shit, and I rebut with you being lame (we're not the same guy).

Thanks,

The guy who doesn't like you

You never cease to amaze me with your intellect.

Tune in next week to find out if neighborhoodwatchguy will accept the debate challenge from YoungAndTroubled.  I hope they both lose.  I CAN'T WAIT.

"Knowledge is haunted by the ghost of past opinion."

-Author Unknown