Guess what... Everyone is bad at this.
As college basketball season officially comes to a close next week, it's time for a look back on the rose-colored, rainbow-farting, hype train-conducted preseason that was. Here we will harken back to the 28th of October and revisit both some pretty solid predictions and also some complete and utter duds by our staff (one rhymes with Blarcus Schmoster).
Each prediction below has been awarded a rating from 0-3, zero being "What on God's green earth could you have possibly been thinking with that?" and three being, "Hey neat, cool guess bro."
Who is your Wide Right & Natty Lite college hoops Nostradamus? Let's find out.
1. Iowa State's Non-Conference Record
AustinNarber
11-1. Alabama and Iowa worry me, more so the latter being at Carver. As for Bama, Anthony Grant's teams can control tempo and guard the perimeter well. Could be a tough out on a neutral court (although it is the Sprint Center!). We lose one of those.
Wrong on all fronts. Not even worth a pity point. 0.
NormanUnderwood
11-1. Loss to Iowa or Drake. We always dick the dog for the lesser Iowa schools.
Wrong on all fronts. Also not worth a pity point. Also go wash your mouth out with soap. 0.
KFitzy87
12-0. No McKay? No problem.
[buzzer sound] 0.
CylentButDeadly
No worse than 11-1. Iowa State is better than every team they'll face in the non-conference and perhaps significantly better, but it's tough to envision a second straight unbeaten start.
Wrong but CBD is right, Iowa State was absolutely better than every team it faced in the non-con. 1.
The CYdeliner
12-0. I have a hard time predicting two straight undefeated non-con years, but this year's schedule is a bit easier. And we think we have a better team, even without McKay.
NOPE. 0.
Real stellar work there, everyone. Moving on...
2. Iowa State's Conference Record
AustinNarber
13-5. Unblemished at home with some inexplicable road woes, all of them close though (5-6 points). Give me a Texas sweep because I'm tired of losing to fucking Texas just in general.
Off by a game but correct on the road woes and correct on the Texas sweep. 2.
NormanUnderwood
14-4. Losses at Kansas, Texas, West Virginia and Kansas State. Calling an Oklahoma sweep here.
There's a lot going on here, and very little of it is right. 1.
KFitzy87
14-4. Losses to Kansas in Hilton (yuck), at Texas, at Oklahoma, at Kansas State. Yes, we win at the Phog.
Same thing. 1.
CylentButDeadly
Fred Hoiberg mentioned that the only thing keeping Iowa State from a conference title is the ability to win on the road. ISU's road conference record the last three years: 4-5 in 2011-12, 3-6 in 2012-13 and 3-6 in 2013-14. If this team has a winning road record in league play, a regular season title is in play, but for right now, I'm calling 13-5 with a 4-5 road conference record.
The most impressive one thus far. Off by just a game overall (but who would've thought Baylor would win in Ames) and a spot-on road prediction. 2.
The CYdeliner
15-3. KOOL-AID. Don't think we lose at home this year (ahem, Kansas), but lose three on the road, good enough for at least a share of the conference. We sweep one of the top four other teams. Thinking the losses are Kansas, Texas and Kansas State.
Again, not entirely wrong but mostly wrong. For those keeping track at home, CYdeliner had the Cyclones going 27-3 overall. 1.
Getting better, gents. Onto some standings...
3. Final Big 12 Standings
AustinNarber
1) Kansas 2) Iowa State 3) Oklahoma 4) Kansas State 5) Texas 6) Baylor 7) Oklahoma State 8) West Virginia 9) Texas Tech 10) TCU
Pat on the back for a perfect top three and predicting an underperformance by the Longhorns. Everything else is bad. 1.
NormanUnderwood
1) Iowa State 2) Kansas 3) Texas 4) Kansas State 5) Oklahoma 6) West Virginia 7) Baylor 8) Oklahoma State 9) TCU 10) Texas Tech
I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul. 0.
KFitzy87
1) Kansas 2) Iowa State 3) Oklahoma 4) Texas 5) Kansas State 6) West Virginia 7) Oklahoma State 8) Baylor 9) TCU 10) Texas Tech
Perfect top three but how dare you disrespect Scott Drew like that. 1.
CylentButDeadly
1) Kansas 2) Iowa State 3) Texas 4) Oklahoma 5) Kansas State 6) Baylor 7) Oklahoma State 8) West Virginia 9) TCU 10) Texas Tech
Meh. 1.
The CYdeliner
1) Iowa State 2) Kansas 3) Texas 4) Kansas State 5) Oklahoma 6) Baylor 7) West Virginia 8) Oklahoma State 9) TCU 10) Texas Tech
Also a big ol' nope. 0.
That was rough. How about the All-Big 12 selections...
4. All-Big 12 First Team
AustinNarber
Kenny Chery | G | Baylor
Marcus Foster | G | Kansas State
Perry Ellis | F | Kansas
Georges Niang | F | Iowa State
Le'Bryan Nash | F | Oklahoma State
Niang and Ellis is worthy of a point. 1.
NormanUnderwood
Marcus Foster | G | Kansas State
Juwan Staten | G | West Virginia
Perry Ellis | F | Kansas
Georges Niang | F | Iowa State
Buddy Hield | F | Oklahoma
So close. Another Marcus Foster believer spurned. 2.
KFitzy87
Marcus Foster | G | Kansas State
Juwan Staten | G | West Virginia
Perry Ellis | F | Kansas
Georges Niang | F | Iowa State
Myles Turner | F | Texas
Blame Rick Barnes and Bruce Weber for your one point, Fitz. 1.
CylentButDeadly
Kenny Chery | G | Baylor
Marcus Foster | G | Kansas State
Juwan Staten | G | West Virginia
Perry Ellis | F | Kansas
Georges Niang | F | Iowa State
Buddy Hield | F | Oklahoma (Yeah, I picked six guys. Deal with it.)
Best prediction of the bunch, even though he went six deep. The only ones holding Chery back from a First Team selection were probably his own teammates. 2.
The CYdeliner
Marcus Foster | G | Kansas State
Juwan Staten | G | West Virginia
Perry Ellis | F | Kansas
Georges Niang | F | Iowa State
Buddy Hield | F | Oklahoma
Veddy nice. Go play in traffic, Foster. 2.
Hey, lookie there! Not too shabby. But check out this bullshit...
5. Big 12 Player of the Year
AustinNarber
Marcus Foster. By far the best player on a good team (as a freshman) that nearly knocked off Kentucky in the tournament last year. Double-digit scoring in 27 of his 33 games. Shot attempts should increase with Will Spradlinggone. Expecting a Trey Burke-like campaign for Foster.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M TAKING A POINT AWAY FROM MYSELF. -1.
NormanUnderwood
Juwan Staten.
Nope. 0.
KFitzy87
Perry Ellis.
Nope. 0.
CylentButDeadly
Georges Niang. Staten will have gaudy stats, but Niang will win because he plays for a title contender.
Nope and nope. 0.
The CYdeliner
Georges Niang.
Nope. 0.
Really bad, guys. Let's keep trudging...
6. Big 12 Newcomer of the Year
It's nearly unanimous for Bryce Dejean-Jones, but CylentButDeadly offers the following:
Freshman of the Year will be Kelly Oubre from Kansas, but the newcomer award will be split between Bryce Dejean-Jones from Iowa State and Anthony Hickey from Oklahoma State.
EVERYBODY GETS A ZERO.
7. Big 12 Coach of the Year
AustinNarber
Fred Hoiberg. I still refuse to accept Rick Barnes won this last year. The second-worst team of Hoiberg's coaching career earned him co-honors with Bill Self in 2011-12. The Mayor wins it outright this year. A long time coming.
Sigh. 0.
NormanUnderwood
Mayor McFuckingDreamy.
Mayor McFucking Nope. 0.
KFitzy87
Fred Hoiberg.
Wrong again. 0.
CylentButDeadly
Fred Hoiberg.
[opens oven] 0.
The CYdeliner
If I don't pick Freddy Dreamicakes here, I might as well quit writing for this site.
[places head inside oven] 0.
Okay, we're in the clear. Incorrect random predictions are a bit easier to stomach. Let's do some of those...
8. Three Random Big 12 Predictions
AustinNarber
1) Kenny Chery is absolutely lights-out for a Baylor team that makes the NCAA Tournament as a top-eight seed.
2) West Virginia implodes. Bob Huggins is sent packing.
3) The same seven teams get bids as last season. Texas is the first to lose.
1. I mean, yeah, sort of. Pretty much. I guess. | 2. LOL | 3. Not really. 1.
NormanUnderwood
1) Kansas' run is over.
2) The Big 12 sends six teams to the Big Dance (predicted top five, plus either West Virginia or Baylor gets hot in KC).
3) TCU does not finish dead last.
Wrong, wrong, right. 1.
KFitzy87
1) Texas Tech fires Tubby Smith after the end of the season.
2) Kansas comes from behind to win their last game at Oklahoma, barely keeping their streak alive.
3) TCU beats two of Kansas, Oklahoma and Texas.
A trifecta of wrong, although that TCU prediction was not so farfetched. 0.
CylentButDeadly
1) Seven Big 12 teams make the NCAA Tournament (no West Virginia, TCU or Texas Tech).
2) Bob Bowlsby (wisely) opts not to make any trips to Hilton Coliseum.
3) Buddy Hield leads the conference in scoring, Cameron Ridley leads in rebounding, and Monté Morris leads in assists.
1. Nearly right. | 2. Sure. | 3. Bingo on Hield and Morris. For what it's worth, Ridley was 20th in rebounding. 2.
The CYdeliner
1) Kansas' streak: FIN.
2) Refs make a call in Iowa State's favor.
3) Big 12 gets two teams in the Final Four.
1. Nope. | 2. I DON'T RECALL. | 3. LOL. 0.
CBD is clearly the cream of this crop in general, but let's finish this out...
9. Three Random Iowa State Predictions
AustinNarber
1) We lead the nation in turnover margin and the conference in offensive rebounds.
2) Bryce Dejean-Jones averages more assists+rebounds than points.
3) Fred Hoiberg has shown postseason improvement every year. Onto the Elite Eight.
1. Eighteenth nationally in TO%, ninth in the Big 12 in OR%. | 2. 6.8 vs. 10.5. Nope. | 3. Shut the fuck up, Narber. 0.
NormanUnderwood
1) We win the whole fucking thing.
2) Georges Niang gets a triple-double.
3) Monté Morris actually improves his A/TO ratio.
1. You can shut up too. | 2. Only even had one double-double (10-11 vs. Georgia State). | 3. He did and that's pretty amazing. 1.
KFitzy87
1) Monté Morris averages seven assists a game.
2) We win back-to-back Big 12 Tournament titles.
3) Bryce Dejean-Jones throws down the best dunk in Hilton Coliseum history.
1. 5.18 assists per game. | 2. Hey, look at you! | 3. Could be argued, I guess. One doesn't really stand out at the present time so probably not. Still giving you two points. 2.
CylentButDeadly
1) Abdel Nader is the team's second-leading scorer after Georges Niang.
2) Jameel McKay doesn't start a single game but is the best sixth man in the league.
3) Iowa State goes undefeated at home.
1. Really thought this would be the case, too. Nader was seventh at 5.8 ppg. Morris second. | 2. Earned his starting gig in Lubbock. | 3. BAYLORRRRRRRRRRRR. 0.
The CYdeliner
1) The other Georgios drops 20 in a non-con game.
2) A 1-seed in the NCAA Tourney.
3) Freddy Dreamicakes nudes leak. Gets raise.
1. Drops 20 of what exactly? | 2. I'm done. | 3. [deletes browser history] 0.
Yikes. And the GIFs?
10. Summarize Iowa State's Season With a GIF
AustinNarber
NormanUnderwood
KFitzy87
CylentButDeadly
The CYdeliner
CYdeliner probably had it right. We all sipped the shit out of some Kool-Aid. Three points for him, zero for everyone else.
Final Scores (out of a possible 30, mind you):
AustinNarber: 4
NormanUnderwood: 5
KFitzy87: 5
CylentButDeadly: 8
CYdeliner: 6