Happy March, Hotbox Reader!
I know it's a tad late to be throwing out thanks for a month that started six days ago, but shut up, the Hotbox only runs once a week! GET OFF MY BACK. Anyways, let's get back to some March humping. This is legitimately the Hotbox's favorite time of year. It doesn't get much better than this for a basketball fan - much less a sports fan. All the conference tournaments that lead directly into Selection Sunday and then into THE BEST FOUR DAYS OF THE YEAR. The Hotbox is even taking time off to experience those four days uninterrupted. It's gonna be some pure, uncut Madness for the Hotbox. Gonna have to stock up on some beer, snacks, and Vaseline I guess. But we have one more edition of the Hotbox before then, so let's save some BasketPorn for then. I'm such a TEASE.
PREDICTION REVIEW TIME:
WVU - Win
@OSU - Win
@Texas - Loss
Baylor - Win
@Kansas State - Win
Oklahoma - Win
@TCU - Win
The Hotbox is 3-3 and YOU PEOPLE keep coming back for advice. Suckers.
If Iowa State somehow plays Iowa or UNI I'm gonna die from exposure of Hot Takes. No one will ever shut up before, during, after, and for all eternity.
This seems relevant:
What are the odds that we somehow meet either UNI or Iowa in the tourney?
This is going to kill me. I know it. This will be perfect #CLICKBAIT for our wonderful site, but I won't be around to enjoy it. I'll have died from having no shelter against all the searing hot takes from everyone in the state. It will inevitably end with the take that the losing coach must get canned for not having his team ready to play, and then the universe will collapse in on itself. Oh, and don't forget about the fact that the winning fan base will ALWAYS and FOREVER hold this over the losing fan base. It will become insufferable no matter who wins - even ISU. It is in the best interest of the State of Iowa to write a law forbidding these potential games to happen. Because if these games happen, we will be living in the Land of HAHA NANANAHBOOBOO. I fear for us all.
But what are the odds? Using science, I'm gonna say it is impossible for them to play in the 1st (2nd?) round. From gathering information from all the Bracketologists, the three teams seeds don't line up. ISU is a 3/4, UNI is a 4/5, and Iowa is a 7/8. Those seeds don't play each other in the 1st(2nd?) round games. But this does open up for the chance of playing in the Sweet Sixteen and beyond. The greatest likelihood would be a ISU/Iowa rematch in the Sweet Sixteen if they were placed in the same region. Yes, they would both have to win two games and Iowa would most likely have to beat a 2 seed. It's a long shot, but it is possible. ISU probably wouldn't meet UNI until the Elite Eight or later. That one is not happening.
Either way, I'm scared for humanity.
Thanks to the FCC’s Net Neutrality ruling, Jamie Pollard can no longer use his influence and sweetheart deals with Mediacom to throttle traffic to this website (and others) who have been critical of Paul Rhoads’ coaching abilities. No longer will the sunshine pumpers over at CF maintain a stranglehold on the Cyclone Internet Discourse Machine.
What will JP’s next nefarious plan be to silence dissent and rule the seven colleges with impunity from his iron throne?
Rule freshman ineligible like a power mongering, backwards, time-traveling, idiot who thinks these young whippersnappers can't handle the rigors of being an
He is literally undermining his own coaches with this hapless idea. Hoiberg is now recruiting some of the top incoming freshman in the nation. What if they were ineligible? They're gone- overseas or to another conference. For some reason, Jamie Pollard wants to take the most successful time in Iowa State basketball history and threaten to destroy it.
And what is one of Coach Rhoads' pitches to some high school recruits? "You can come play for us right away! We need your talents NOW." Oh, and what about that Allen Lazard dude?
And if they are not ready, you can use a RED SHIRT AND KEEP ALL FOUR YEARS OF ELIGIBILITY. WHAT A REVOLUTIONARY IDEA! And does he really think that life would be any different for these ineligible
student-athletes? They would still have to do all the same things as everyone else on the team. They just wouldn't be allowed to play in the games regardless of if they are ready or not. The Hotbox does appreciate all the growth Jamie Pollard has brought to our fine University. But this idea is just another way for him to try and control student-athletes and "fix" a broken system. And this does not "fix" the system, Mr. Pollard. It makes it even more hysterical.
All Wise and Knowing Hotbox:
With Monte Morris' two record-breaking assist-to-turnover ratio seasons, he's obviously considered one of the best point guards in college basketball. Give me your top 5 point guards in the college game heading into tourney time.
You want a list? I LOVE LISTS. This will help get my breathing back to normal after the Hotbox went all in with a HOT TAKE on the AD.
The Hotbox's Top Five Point Guards:
- Jerian Grant - Notre Dame
- Monte Morris - Iowa State
- D'Angelo Russell - Ohio State
- Kevin Pangos - Gonzaga
- Melo Trimble - Maryland
Time to come at me Cyclone Nation. I can't watch Jerian Grant and honestly say that he is not the best point guard. That dude very well might be ready to go full Shabazz. Hell, maybe even full Kemba. That's scary. Monte will be the top guy soon enough though. The rest of these guys can really score the damn ball for their teams. Either way, let's argue about it in the comment section.
So my wife and I have been trying to get preggers, and we’re now down to scheduled coitus, which means the romance is gone. It’s a lot of pressure, which makes me feel like I am trying to win the Big 12 title. So if the baby is conceived today and ISU wins today, and *knock on wood, we go on a winning streak that doesn't end until Indy, does that mean I have to give up naming rights to McDreamy? (Please say yes). Otherwise, I need a name in honor of all things Cyclones. I think just "Cy" would be perfect, but somehow I don’t think that will be allowed……help.
- confused by names in Phoenix
This was sent to me on Saturday before the K-State game. So unfortunately for FormerCyMascot, naming rights will not go to Dreamy and will revert to the Hotbox. But did you knock wifey up? Maybe you won't even know for a while. I don't know. But if so, congrats!
But let's get down to business. So life has come to having scheduled sex huh? I love this. You can plan out the rest of your day and know that she is down- to get down.
"Well, I've got to pick up the kids at 5:00, grab some milk from the store, blast the wife at 5:30, and make dinner at 5:35. Don't think I'll have time to make it to the game. Sorry, bro!"
As the naming rights have reverted to me, I am deeply honored to name your child. I choose Fredrick, for obvious reasons. Fredrick Mascot has a nice ring to it.
We all know the Big XII Tournament is next week in Kansas City. And if you haven't noticed, I like to bring back memories, stories, hypothetical situations, etc. But I have never been to this tourney, but might be going this year. I need you to "get me in the mood", if you will. What I would like you to do is bring back some memories of any Big XII Tournament you may have attended. Also, some tips of how to experience this wonderful event would be appreciated.
You're in luck, I just attended the Big 12 Tournament last year! Granted, it was just for the Championship Game but I was still there, damn it! Even though it was only a 24 hour trip, A LOT happened. I'd tell you a few hot spots and watering holes to take your talents to, but WRNL will have the scoop for you very shortly. So make sure to check back DAILY for updates.
But here is a taste of the Hotbox Experience: Get down to the P&L many hours before the game(s) to get nice and lubricated with the rest of Cyclone Nation. You can hang out in the P&L area and drink and listen to live music/watch ball/participate in pep rallies/BASKET PONG/etc. Or you can venture to one of the many indoor establishments. It's all good. Then when it comes time for the game(s) you can either:
A. Watch the game(s) from P&L/bar.
B. Buy session pass(es) like Mr. Moneybags.
C. Scalp tickets from losing fan bases.
All three of these are viable options. I, for one, am going to try C first, and if they are too expensive do A. Win/Win.
Jameel McKay is the hands down vocal leader of the team at this point, but I don’t quite understand this "Fist Hand Rock" thing that came about in our stupid-silly-magical comeback on Monday. Maybe it’s an inside joke because him and Monte have a hard time knowing when one’s gonna bump the other vs. slap palms..you know the odd knuck into a hand thing that happens when one person wants knucks and one person wants skin? Or maybe it’s supposed to represent that a fist can be a rock, but when you cover a tight fist with a hand, the rock becomes bigger and more dense? Or maybe it means that he is the fist of the team, but when the rest of them cover for him (literally and figuratively) the team becomes a more solid foundation which leads to the rock? Or maybe it’s something really cool that we don’t even know about. Help us sort this one out.
I think they are trying to say that they are all one, unbreakable, rockhand. The five different fingers on your hand represent the five players on the court. Then those five fingers (players) come together to form a fist (team togetherness). Still following? That fist (team togetherness) is unbreakable like a rock. Nothing can break their team togetherness. It's a weird order of words, though. It should just be "Hand - Fist - Rock". Whatever, let them have their rockhands. IT WORKED.
Alright guys. Only like 1,000 GIFS this week so I guess that’s 10,000 less than last time. Guess that terrible progress is still progress.
Seems like all we do is talk about irrelevant items here in the comment section so I guess I’ll "conform" and post about something that’s been tearing me up inside (literally and figuratively).. Hickory Park.
First off Hickory Park reminds me of a cattle feed. Your ushered in, forced to eat as quickly as possible, and then sent to your inevitable death (dealing with what you just put inside of you for the next 6-12 hours). Let me relax. I already know I’m getting that slop shit of a sandwich.. But let me at least deliberate about how much I don’t want to eat it for 5 minutes.
I don’t get the decor of the place either. It’s half cave with coal mining lights, and half saloon with all that damn wood. I’m surprised that the fire within everyone's stomach hasn't burnt the place down yet.
I’m sick of it as the symbol of Ames. We have plenty of other things that are WAY better than that over smoked meat house, that could represent us.
Hickory Park is gross.
First off, there were ZERO GIFS posted last week. Second off, this is blasphemy and you should be nuked into the Sun.
"Suffering is the beginning of all knowledge."