The WRNL Hotbox

The Hotbox has been getting a bit stale lately. And this is tough to admit, but the submissions to the Hotbox are down as well.  So are the Hotbox's responses. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU NEGLECT ME, DAD!  And the basketball season ended with a snort and now we're in the miserable desert that is the offseason. Funny thing is that the basketball offseason has already been full of "news" and the tire fire that was the football offseason has slowed (for now). So we here at WRNL are going to throw a few tires on that Hotbox fire. Again. So we are bringing back one of our resident Hot-Takers, NormanUnderwood. He was feeling a bit testy today so this was a match made in heaven hell.

And for 3sus' sake, please don't tell his wife.

DOUBLE TEAM THE BOX:

CyHawk,

Which Big 12 school is most likely to have a secret nuke / doomsday device?  And which school are they most likely to use it against Bond - Villain style?

NormanUnderwood: WVU.  Huggy Bear is almost a perfect Bond villain, with his slicked back hair and wolverine-esque scowl.  His weapon of choice?  A large, wet paper bag which he uses to constrict and confine his enemies, much like the defensive strategy he employed throughout the past season.  His target, of course, is K-State.  We all know that once Bruce Weber has been sealed in the constrictive confines of a wet paper bag, he has no hope for escape.

CYdeliner: If you can remember back to the Trolledo post during football season, you'll remember they have a goddamn rocket pointed toward Bowling Green.  I know they aren't in the Big XII but that takes balls.  Even if they those balls are gutless (see link).  And see below to witness TOUGHNESS.

ackatch,

Oh Hotbox, I wish upon your wisdom.

What the fuck do I do with my summer?  Baseball bores me (unless I'm at a game and can get sloppy drunk), I'm dreading football season, and Hoiball is just too far away to get excited about.

NormanUnderwood: It's summer.  Get the fuck outside and have a life.  The reason stupid baseball is played during this season is because there are far better things to do then sit in front of your damn TV.  Ride a bike, climb a mountain (ok, a hill will suffice), drink outdoors, canoe a river, masturbate in public.  Hell, anything.  If you won't give up on sports for a few months, my strong recommendation is to start following the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  There truly is no better championship in professional sports.  I'd argue that it's not even close, honestly.

CYnative,

All knowing and amazing Hotbox,

Which of the following Hoiball coaches was responsible for reopening the legendary line to Flint, Michigan that Johnny had created years ago?  I am hoping Matt wasn't responsible for this territory, I have always loved the Flint prospects.

CYdeliner: As one of the commenters tried to point out and steal my glory and sunshine, it was Rap God Cornell Mann with some help from Jeff Grayer.  And you Blog Truthers can kindly get your knees capped if you think I'm racist for calling a black man "Rap God".  The dude raps. Check his shit out on iTunes. Not bad!  Did you know that I once made a rap song?  I made it my freshman year of college with some other aspiring wanna-be's.  The name?  "Waistband Tuck".  And it was FIRE.  Maybe if you're all good little boys and girls I'll drop that shit on next weeks Hotbox.  But I've obviously been holding this for just the right time so it's gonna need some demand and #buzz. So there are a few things that will need to happen for this to drop.  The song will need to go viral, I'll have to become a famous rapper/movie star, and then I can finally become Iowa State's Super Donor who gifts our football team athletic relevance.  The fate of our football program rests in your hands.

Narrow Right,

If losing to UNI gets Rhoads fired but Mangino as "interim" coach making the rest of the season an audition, do you take that?

NormanUnderwood: Dear Lord Baby Jesus up in Heaven doing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd (no disrespect to RVZ - RIP) let this happen.  This would be the only way the season can be salvaged following the inevitable season opening loss to UNI.  There would at least be some positive momentum in the program, and we know the man understands how to build a program in the Big 12.  If the players responded to him being the head man, I think his resume/acumen speaks for itself.

But let's get this straight.  It's not going to happen.  Paul Rhoads will not be fired while Jamie Pollard is the ISU athletic director, unless someone takes a picture of him balls deep in some stripper at Beach Girls doing a line off of Cael Sanderson's taint and puts it on the front page of the Register.  In 10 years as the AD of a major conference university, Pollard has never ONCE fired a coach he hired for a "visible" sport.  And it's not like ISU was tearing it up most of that time.  Greg McDermott's job was never in jeopardy, and neither is Paul Rhoads's.  While Pollard is a master fundraiser and has greatly improved our facilities, he simply doesn't demand any sort of accountability from the people he chooses to employ.

TedFlintKansas,

Cubs vs. Cardinals

I've noticed that most Cyclone fans are either Cubs or Cardinal fans when it comes to baseball.  Would the Cyclone fan base be able to survive a Cubs/Cardinals NLCS?  Especially if the series went to 7 games and Cardinals won that series.  Then went on to sweep a terrible AL team in the World Series.

CYdeliner: Are you okay Ted?  It looks like you're trying to find something to hold onto now that no Cyclone sports are happening.  The season just started and you're already talking about a dream playoff series for us Midwesterners that will never happen.  And it looks like you're a Cards fan.  Which is lame.  Us Cyclone fans need to band together and root for the teams that have came from the Island of Misfit Sports Teams.  So for me, this means I'm a Cyclones, Vikings, and Cubs fan.  The only championships they have both belong to the freaking Cubs and that was over 100 freaking years ago.  I'm calling you out, Ted.  Only TRUE fans root for teams that give you an ulcer, diabetes, and heart failure.  Cards fans are way too stuck up for any of those diseases.

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."

-Benjamin Franklin