Chances are, you've probably read the guest column published in the Des Moines Register by former Iowa State professor Dick Haws. In it, Mr. Haws blasts new Cyclone basketball coach Steve Prohm for saying he'll be praying with his players in practice, citing the separation of church and state as reason for Prohm to reconsider his stance on religion in the locker room.
Naturally, the column has placed the ISU basketball team under a microscope during the first week of practice. WRNL sent some of our staff undercover to find out what the first week of prayer has involved, and we've ranked the top 10 topics that Coach Prohm and the players have asked the Big Man Upstairs for so far.
#10: "Please, Lord, we ask that you smite all the tracks within a 50 mile radius of Ames"
I spent a morning watching Iowa State work out like track athletes. Then I wrote about it. You can read it here http://t.co/gzKkf1Cfg2— Travis Hines (@TravisHines21) July 24, 2015
Apparently, the team's new conditioning routine isn't the funnest thing they've ever done, and they've developed a special hatred for oval running surfaces... Enough hatred to ask for divine intervention.
#9: "Please, Lord, make the Sprint Center the permanent location for all future Big 12 Tournaments"
The players love playing in Hilton South, where Iowa State has won the last two Big 12 Tournament titles.
ISU fans crowd the Power and Light District and cheer during an Iowa State pep rally on Friday in Kansas City, Mo. pic.twitter.com/Dxf8e7HjHM— Ames Trib News (@AmesTribNews) March 14, 2015
#8: "Please, Lord, set fire to the Jock Jams CD in the Hilton Coliseum control room"
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap........ My hands hurt just thinking about it.
If you watch the 2 Unlimited video for Get Ready For This, it'll be apparent that our arena music needs updated with something from this century.
Writer's note: I wasn't even born when Get Ready For This came out.
#7: "Please, Lord, help us remember to keep Monte and Jameel from frosting their tips before the NCAA Tournament"
IT WAS A JINX AND YOU BOTH KNOW IT.
#6: "Please, Lord, aid announcers in their quest to pronounce our names correctly"
Remember when Verne Lundquist was even struggling with saying Jameel McKay in that game that shall not be named from March? Struggle with that, and you'll probably struggle with the likes of Noskowiak, Mitrou-Long (yeah, 3sus got a name change) and Tsalmpouris.
#5: "Please, Lord, have mercy on the poor souls that Deonte Burton will dunk on during the season"
RIP to whoever tries to get in front of this man.
#4: "Please, Lord, protect us from being blinded (literally) by the evils of the Iowa Hawkeyes"
Keep your hands to yourself, Adam Woodbury. We'll see you in Ames.
#3: "Please, Lord, don't let Coach Prohm embarrass us by dancing in an Infiniti commercial"
It was acceptable for Mayor Dreamy, but no one knows what kind of moves Emperor Prohm has in his dance floor arsenal yet. Will we see our new coach bust a move anytime soon? Stay tuned...
#2: "Please, Lord, stop letting Kansas sell their souls to the devil for Big 12 regular season titles"
Seriously, it's getting out of hand. At this point, KU's head coach is probably just a demon wearing Bill Self's skin.
#1: "Please, Lord, help us to spare Cyclone fans from too many kicks to the nuts this year"
Yes, the number one prayer topic from the first week of practice has the well-being of the fans in mind. After last year's multiple kicks to the stones, the players believe the fans deserve a year of many 30 point victories throughout the season, as opposed to games like:
AND THIS GAME WHICH I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE ANY RECOLLECTION OF.
Despite all of those, there were many great moments from last year as well (beating KU with College Gameday in town, the huge second half comebacks, the Monte Morris buzzer-beater against Texas, winning the Big 12 Tournament).
It's safe to say that if Coach Prohm can accomplish all of the high points from last year, while also avoiding the low points, Iowa State fans won't mind him leading the team in prayer in the least bit.
Well, except for Dick Haws, of course.