clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The WRNL Round Table: Players We'd Punch, Desert Islands and Dreamy

New, 14 comments

J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

A specific recent event inspired the first question for this week's round table. In case you haven't heard the news, educate yourself.

Enjoy!

KFitzy87: With the news of former West Virginia QB Geno Smith getting cheap shotted by a teammate at camp (sweet justice for Wally Burnham), what current or former Big 12 athlete would you most want to take your own swing at if you had the opportunity?

austinnarber: Oh my god Keiton Page.

KFitzy87: Narber going for the hobbit right out of the gate.

austinnarber: And not a cheap shot, but I would have loved to lay out Collin Klein.

Cy's Pecker: Jeff Withey's face looks like it's taken enough cheap shots. But I'll give it one more.

RevDizz: Currently Devin Williams of West Virginia.

The CYdeliner: I'm going to get crucified for this but... Is Steele Jantz an acceptable answer?

KFitzy87: You can name Cyclones if you want to.

The CYdeliner: In this case I want to.

Cy's Pecker: I almost want to name BDJ, but I can't. We would've won the game against Venezuela with him.

KFitzy87: BDJ: the key to Iowa State's chemistry. Colt and Case McCoy both had faces with high punchability.

RevDizz: Why are 90% of players black, yet 90% of punchable players white?

The CYdeliner: Racism.

Cy's Pecker: Black lives matter. So you can't punch them.

RevDizz: I would have taken a swing at Todd Reesing too.

KFitzy87: I'm surprised no one's jumped on to say Elijah Johnson after the 2013 debacle in Hilton.

RevDizz: I forgot about that dude. Same could be said for Eron Harris or whatever that guy is from West Virginia. I would have said Marcus Smart, but I would have missed him cuz he just would have flopped out of the way.

ClonesJer: I don't really like the question, but if forced to answer... Bill Snyder.

KFitzy87: Did Bill Snyder play sports in his youth?

ClonesJer: Look, I respect the dude. He's old, he's a fucking wizard. But look, most of you aren't gonna break a jaw with your swing... And those athletes will crush you afterward. Me? I'll probably break three of Bill's hips accidentally and he ain't gonna chase me without some sort of Walmart scooter.

KFitzy87: I was answering with the thought that there won't be any retaliation. You just get a free jab. It's cool if you want to beat up old people though, Jer.

RevDizz: Did they have collegiate athletics in 1864?

ClonesJer: Or maybe Suh... Because that would be an honorable death.

Cy's Pecker: I'm going to add Brady Heslip. He looked like he should be studying quantum physics, not drilling threes like a boss.

RevDizz: I don't think I'd punch him, but there was something oddly satisfying about how Adrian Peterson broke his collar bone at the end of our beat down.

ClonesJer: Ha yeah that was great. Flip into the end zone (crack). Our end zone grass is always our surest tackler.

KFitzy87: And apparently the practice field's is good at tackling/injuries as well since it took out another one of our offensive linemen this week.

RevDizz: Can I swing at Greg Ostertag? The only thing more satisfying than a sucker punch if I could reach his head would be buzzing a line through his flat top.

KnowDan: Chase Daniel. For helping ruin 2005.

RevDizz: IDK, I blame Shaggy Culbertson more than Daniel.

KnowDan: Well, yeah, but fuck Daniel anyway.

ClonesJer: Who was the MSU guy in the "blarge?" That guy.

austinnarber: Cleaves?

ClonesJer: Oh Big 12 only? Then I change it to Danny Wuerffel. Lotta anger... You got happier questions Fitzy?

austinnarber: Let's play Who Would You Do. Big 12 only.

KFitzy87: Alright, here we go... You're stranded on a desert island and you can summon three current/former Cyclone athletes to the island with you. Who do you pick, and why?

Cy's Pecker: Answer to Narber's question is the entire TCU cheer squad. At once, preferably. But whatever works for them. I got time.

austinnarber: That is a fair, yet loophole-ish answer.

Cy's Pecker: Have to be careful with this. Royce White is one of my all time favorites, but no way in hell is he one I would want to be stuck on an island with.

KnowDan: Yeah I'm not sure Royce is the salad you want on an island.

KFitzy87: I think my first selection would be Jacques Washington for morale and comedic support. That guy was hilarious.

austinnarber: Hayworth Hicks. Pillow.

KFitzy87: Kelvin Cato might not be a bad choice, to help retrieve the highest coconuts and all.

RevDizz: Levi Peters. It's like having Bear Grylls. So we'd constantly be entertained and never hungry.

austinnarber: Can I bring Eustachy?

Cy's Pecker: If I'm stuck on an island, that means they're stuck with me. So... Fred Hoiberg, because he'll never leave me again.

ClonesJer: Reggie Hayward in case the locals ain't friendly, Hiawatha (RIP) cause he was good people and Hoiberg for the eye candy.

RevDizz: Farniok for protection.

austinnarber: You would just sit there and stare at Fred until help arrived?

ClonesJer: Is that wrong?

austinnarber: I don't disagree, I'm just asking. Georgios for sand volleyball.

ClonesJer: We'd probably have a catch, he'd grill us some s'mores and then read us a story before hugging goodnight... Just because we're normal dudes hanging out. Me n Fred. IT'S NOT WEIRD.

Cy's Pecker: My second Cyclone on the island has to be Chris Taylor. I know he was athletic, but I would love to have him side by side with a turtle on their backs and see which one could get up on their own first.

ClonesJer: Ha. Taylor would be eating you by like hour three. Survival of the fattest... That's science.

Cy's Pecker: I'd outrun him. And then stop and watch him run.

ClonesJer: Only way you're surviving this is if you've got Soviet heritage.

RevDizz: I've heard legendary tales about Victor Alexander's college days. He'd be my third. That dude put BDJ's video game parties to shame.

Cy's Pecker: My third Cyclone will be Paul Rhoads. Because I'd be getting tired of the island by day three, yet no matter how much I got sick of him, he'd somehow find a way to get me amped.

ClonesJer: Being on a desert island with only a few other people is kind of a metaphor for Rhoads' career right now.

Cy's Pecker: That's beautiful.

KnowDan: How has no one said Rachel Hockaday, Alison Lacey, and Lisa Koll?

KFitzy87: I'd thought Hockaday about three times, but didn't say anything.

ClonesJer: Hockaday all day over those other two.

KnowDan: The new guys are all legit and shit and Jer and I are talking about survival. You guys gotta line up your priorities.

RevDizz: Megan Taylor, Ashley Hagedorn.

CYHusker: Survival? I sense desert isle.

CyHawk: Paul Shirley. I want a funny guy.

KnowDan: If I survive three weeks, it'll be a great three weeks.

ClonesJer: Three weeks of three women telling you to get the fuck away... Then death. It was a good run KnowDan.

KnowDan: It's like the Reader's Digest condensed version of my life.

Cy's Pecker: Well if y'all are adding women to the mix, I'm throwing out Mia McAleer. Don't know anything about soccer, but I do know she's cute.

RevDizz: Okay fine. My plan needs to be survival, entertainment and love. That seems like a pretty fulfilling life on this island. So I'm taking Levi for survival and I think he can eventually get me off the damn thing. I'm switching Farniok to Shirley because dammit, I love to laugh. And I'm picking Megan Taylor because I loved her back in the day, so clearly it would make a great island romance... As my fiancée takes a swing at me.

CanAzn: See, Jer had this one right. as long as you have Fred Hoiberg on the island with you, nothing else matters. Women AND help would flock to Dreamy. Just taking his jersey/suit chasing leftovers would still be pretty useful. I guess having somebody like Austin McBeth for his bench celebrating to keep morale up would be useful too.

RevDizz: Yeah, but then Hoiberg would just leave me on the island like he left us for the Bulls. Does me no good. I'd have our time on the island together and the memories. Meanwhile, he and his yacht bitches that came looking for him just left me.

CYHusker: Kirk Ferentz would never leave you. Ever.

KnowDan: Yacht bitches? He doesn't coach the Vikings.

RevDizz: Well he's not gonna have Perkins waitresses coming after him. He's Fred Hoiberg, not Tiger Woods.

KFitzy87: But you're on a desert island. Maybe you want Perkins waitresses coming after you... Now I'm craving pancakes.

CanAzn: Jamie Pollard would never leave you either, but he'd probably write a bitchy email about how your attempts to escape the island is a reflection of the AAU culture of running from your problems rather than dealing with them.

KFitzy87: Time to start wrapping it up... If you could ask Fred Hoiberg one question right now, what would it be?

Cy's Pecker: Can I hug you? Can I have a strand of your hair? Can I use your toothbrush?

austinnarber: Can jet fuel melt steel beams? But really, I'd ask if he thought he'd ever be back.

CYHusker: Does Bill Self wear a toupee? In all seriousness though, just how hard was it to coach Royce?

Cy's Pecker: I'd ask what all went down with Vaughn. Just because the recruiting aspect of things is always interesting and no one knows the truth to that.

ClonesJer: I'd walk right up to him, shake his hand and say, "Fred, I uhhhh... Well..." and then I'd probably just nervously look away starstruck and rub the top of his hand with my thumb in an awkward fashion... And it would be the best moment ever.