When we at the WRNL round table last left you, we were debating who had the best and worst coaching duo of all the schools in the Big 12.
Today, we dive into more pressing issues like our favorite and least favorite fans in the conference, which recreational drugs represent the different Big 12 universities, and even a little bit on Paul Rhoads' job security and when Jamie Pollard might pull the trigger if things go bad this year.
Let's get started!
KFitzy87: Let's stay in the conference and expand out a bit. Specifically: the fans. Who are your favorite and least favorite fan bases in the Big 12, and why?
Vegas CyClown: I really dislike Oklahoma fans, mainly because they have an arrogance formed from years of success. I haven't been exposed to enough Longhorn fans to be turned off by them, but am pretty sure they would top the list if I were deeper in Texas. TCU fans are okay for now, mainly because I don't believe there are many of them yet until the bandwagon picks up more steam. I'm not sure I have a favorite.
CanAzn: I like OSU fans, because they brought me limeys when I was in Stillwater. They're wonderful drunken people.
KFitzy87: I also like OSU fans, mainly because I think they act how ISU fans would act if the apocalypse started happening and we suddenly became good at football.
ClonesJer: Went to Morgantown and it cemented them as my favorite fanbase. A group of fans we'd never met right in front of the stadium had us holding beers and food within minutes of getting out of our car. Then of course the SB Nation site (The Smoking Musket) was there with the traveling trophy (the gas can) which is great, and they had three different flavors of shine they made us try. Loved every minute of it. They were even gracious in last-minute defeat.
KnowDan: And let's put Smoking Musket on blast now: you ain't gettin' that trophy back unless you come to Ames this year (and you win). It currently has taken up residence in my garage.
ClonesJer: We need to find that trophy btw.
ClonesJer: Or nevermind, KnowDan is holding it hostage.
KnowDan: We should drink limeys out of it this year for OSU.
The CYdeliner: Can we just award the worst fan base posthumously to Nebraska and call it a day?
Vegas CyClown: Seconded.
KnowDan: I think Oklahoma has taken their place as most condescending fans in the conference.
ClonesJer: Really, I think the Riot Bowl deserves a trophy hostage situation... It's for the best. Can we hate Iowa the most of the Big 12 fan bases? I vote yes.
Vegas CyClown: Or, we could turn our hate toward the entire B1G. None there that I care for.
ClonesJer: OU has definitely polished that superiority complex. Landthieves guy used to be this nice rebel against the establishment... Now, it's gone to his head.
KFitzy87: One thing that gives WVU fans a leg up in my mind is they actually support their basketball team too, unlike any of the southern schools. Those arenas are empty. I can't imagine how bad the OU fanbase would melt down if we beat them this year.
ClonesJer: Anyone ever been lactose intolerant, but decide to drink lots of milk because damn it, cereal is just not the same without it? And now you're wallowing in misery because of it?
KnowDan: At least you're not putting water on it.
CanAzn: Fucking heathen.
KFitzy87: I bet Alex Morgan slathers her cereal in milk.
KnowDan: And her men.
ClonesJer: Who the what? Water?!?!
CanAzn: I would volunteer to be milked by Alex Morgan.
The CYdeliner: Same.
KnowDan: But not watered by her.
CyHawk: Who the fuck is Alex Morgan.
ClonesJer: Soccer. Good. Hot. Two first names.
KFitzy87: Azn's sugar mama.
ClonesJer: Maple syrup mama.
CanAzn: It's true. That's why I'm retiring from WRNL. She's paying for all my shit now.
KnowDan: Canadian soccer team could have used her.
KFitzy87: I think right now, I find Baylor fans to be most annoying, solely based on Twitter. God, I'm jealous of them though.
ClonesJer: That's random, what's all this fanbase talk?
Vegas CyClown: Isn't pride one of the seven deadly sins?
CyHawk: We're doing a thing. Respect the thing.
KnowDan: TCU was hospitable when we went down in 2012. Then their students started throwing shit at our bench when David Irving went all "hold my dick" with his pick six.
CyHawk: If only someone would've held his dick.
KnowDan: He wouldn't have held a stop sign.
KFitzy87: I have yet to run across any TCU fans that seem like dicks.
KnowDan: I think it's the kids. It's always the fucking kids. The group that hosted us were some of the best fans I've ever met.
CyHawk: I'd kinda be okay with us turning into the holy war conference... Add BYU and Notre Dame. Catholics versus Baptists versus Evangelists versus heathens.
Vegas CyClown: Atheist me wouldn't like to constantly lose to the faithful.
CyHawk: Me either, but it would make for compelling football.
KFitzy87: Texas won't let BYU join the Big 12. BYU's mostly owned the Longhorns in recent memory.
CyHawk: Always invite two Baylor fans fishing. If you invite one, they'll drink all your beer.
NormanUnderwood: Fuck Baylor fans. I went to the 2008 ISU/Baylor game in Waco. We got to the stadium about five hours before kickoff. We weren't expecting an ISU-like tailgate, but I had been given the impression from a Baylor website that they had a small, but loyal following that did things up right. Well, for one, Floyd-Casey is in a neighborhood straight out of east Waterloo. For fuck's sake, there were loose chickens in neighboring yards.
Vegas CyClown: That's how they train their running backs to get faster.
NormanUnderwood: Anyway, we start 'gating right in front of Floyd-Casey on some scorched earth grass and a few Cyclone fans start filing soon. Within 2 hours, there are about 50 cars in the lot. ALL Iowa State fans. There were some cars already there, but they had no tailgaters next to them. We finally see a "BU" flag fly up across the lot. We go introduce ourselves and interrupt a debate about how many slaves the debaters' respective ancestors owned. They were wearing polo shirts tucked into slacks. We were not wearing shirts. Our presence at that tailgate did not last long.
CyHawk: I'm picturing a whole tailgate full of Jamie Pollards.
ClonesJer: We should probably shit on the Texas fanbase somewhere in here. Pissing Texas off is mad hits. So uh, you guys suck, Texas.
NormanUnderwood: We then headed over to their paved lots thinking we'd find people. Again, it was just one ISU tailgate (Grant Mahoney's family, actually). At that point, we started interrogating the parking people (it was two hours before the game) and asked them what time people started showing up. They said, "you guys are nuts, no one tailgates here." And they were right. Bitches don't deserve shit.
KFitzy87: Yeah, Texas sucks.
NormanUnderwood: I wish I could hate on Texas, but I can't. I went there for THE 2010 game, and we were treated really, really well both before and after the game.
KFitzy87: Yeah, I don't dislike Texas fans. Most of them seem fine to me.
Vegas CyClown: Does Texas Tech have a fan base?
KnowDan: Tech fans are like herpes. You don't know they're there until it's too late.
NormanUnderwood: I've met like three Tech fans in my life and they were all cool.
ClonesJer: Didn't some famous Texas fan berate you for swearing, Norm?
NormanUnderwood: Aggy, Jer. RC Slocum, former Aggy head coach.
ClonesJer: Who knew?
NormanUnderwood: I sure as fuck didn't.
Vegas CyClown: I worked with a Tech grad out here. Biggest self-righteous, pompous douche I've ever met. Of course he was also a golf pro, so that could have been why.
ClonesJer: I do know a couple decent Cowboys and Sooners... They're top half for sure.
NormanUnderwood: My favorites are WVU with OSU/KSU coming in at a close second. My WVU story would be similar to Jer's. Went to the 2013 game and got treated like fucking royalty. They were buying us drinks left and right, feeding us at tailgates, and offering us drugs. OSU fans were really friendly too, just not as over the top as WVU. OSU is just like us: Midwestern farm people who have to put up with an insanely douchey in-state fan base that has a better national profile and more t-shirt fans. And that's why I also like KSU. I just feel that some of Nebraska's dorkiness rubs on KSU fans. OSU fans are probably more likely to have good taste in music and maybe offer up some drugs. KSU fans listen to Christian rock in front of their parents. I mean, they still party, and I like them, but they're almost too naive.
CyHawk: I'm married to a KSU fan. They've definitely got a wild side.
NormanUnderwood: I don't doubt it. I'm just going off personal experience here.
ClonesJer: Norm rates fanbases by their potential to offer him drugs.
NormanUnderwood: That's very astute, Jerald.
CyHawk: KSU fans like drugs, he just hung out with the wrong ones.
NormanUnderwood: That may be why I prefer TCU fans to Baylor.
ClonesJer: That's another article right there, Norm.
CyHawk: Big 12 fan bases as recreational drugs.
ClonesJer: Iowa State would be children's chewable aspirin.
NormanUnderwood: I think we're model airplane glue. Capable of really quick, really intense highs, but mostly just murdering your brain cells permanently and making you really sick.
ClonesJer: It depends if it's the team or the fan base I guess.
CyHawk: West Virginia is obviously moonshine.
CanAzn: Uhhhhh TCU is obviously Molly.
NormanUnderwood: TCU is definitely Molly.
ClonesJer: Baylor is the cinnamon challenge.
jwillyISU: Kansas State is Metamucil soft chews.
NormanUnderwood: Perfect. Texas is blow... Rich man's drug, leads to a god complex, but the come down is a bitch.
ClonesJer: Texas is some cutting edge expensive drug no one's even heard of yet... Like Marble Carbon Platinumnums. Or blow, I guess.
CyHawk: Iowa State is MDMA... Can't help but feel empathy when watching this team.
jwillyISU: Salvia (thinks they're better than they are) are all the schools that left the Big 12.
CyHawk: Oklahoma is quaaludes because both were last relevant in the 80s.
NormanUnderwood: Iowa State: cheap weed. It always starts off sounding fun, but before it's over you're just really tired and ashamed that you accomplished nothing other than eating an entire quart of Spaghetti-O's.
ClonesJer: Maybe even ditch weed.
NormanUnderwood: You really think you're gonna get high, but every time you just cough a bunch and maybe puke.
CyHawk: ISU football is methadone, just something to get you by until basketball season.
NormanUnderwood: That's probably better for KU.
CyHawk: I like it.
ClonesJer: Fitzy is all like, "answer my question, dicks!"
KFitzy87: Fitzy is laying back and enjoying the discussion. Keep going, ladies.
NormanUnderwood: What WAS Fitzy's question?
KFitzy87: Hell if I know.
NormanUnderwood: I do enjoy talking, so I would gladly answer it.
KFitzy87: Big 12 fan bases... Drugs... It's all the same. Has anyone mentioned KU yet? I don't think we're allowed to end a round table discussion without making fun of them.
CyHawk: It's like making fun of a clown.
NormanUnderwood: I actually really like KU football fans. God, that hurt to write.
CyHawk: Alright, I'll ask a fucking question. Most people seem to think it's bowl or bust for Rhoads.
NormanUnderwood: It's not.
Vegas CyClown: Five wins. I think less than four and JP fires him.
jwillyISU: It's five wins or bust for Rhoads. Jamie Pollard doesn't give a flying fuck what fans think.
NormanUnderwood: You're right Josh, JP doesn't give a fuck what fans think. He's loyal to his buddies no matter what.
CyHawk: If he did, he wouldn't tuck in his button down shirt into his tight jeans.
jwillyISU: But the real question is: is Jamie Pollard too loyal?
NormanUnderwood: I think Pollard's too loyal. Maybe you guys caught that.
CyHawk: Gomer Pollard.
Vegas CyClown: I don't think he'd be able to save him and Leath showed he'll throw some weight around when the decision is important enough.
NormanUnderwood: I do trust Leath to act on shit. I wonder if Prohm had an inside track with Leath being a southern guy.
CyHawk: Jesus, faith in an ISU prez. I forgot what that was like.
NormanUnderwood: I didn't say I had faith in the prez (he did end VEISHEA). I just trust that he'll act.
Vegas CyClown: I'd honestly be surprised if the conversation hasn't already taken place and there is a good old fashioned Improvement Plan from HR with Rhoads' signature on it.
KFitzy87: Probably about time to wrap this up. We're running pretty long already... To finish it off, if YOU were Jamie Pollard, what would be the last straw for you to dump Paul Rhoads?
CyHawk: I'm so proud to be one and seven.
Vegas CyClown: 1-9 in the Big 12.
jwillyISU: If we lose to UNI in the first game of the year, this season is finito. There's no excuse to lose to a division 1AA opponent. At home.
ClonesJer: Whatever, we do that all the time.
Vegas Cyclown: That would probably do it.
ClonesJer: It'll make it funnier to beat Iowa the next week though... If you enjoy laughing in a painful way.
CyHawk: I really want to get a 1-11 Super Bowl champion tattoo.
NormanUnderwood: I would retain Rhoads at six wins. I would also have fired him after the OU game last year. Christ, I probably would have fired him after NDSU. Consecutive home losses to 1AA teams aren't acceptable anywhere.
jwillyISU: Once Jevohn Miller went down, the defense completely collapsed.
NormanUnderwood: Just think about that... Our defense hinged on a guy who probably shouldn't make a Big 12 roster.
jwillyISU: The defense was already hanging by a thread and he was the last straw.
NormanUnderwood: No disagreement.
ClonesJer: So, is our line experienced or do they implode without Farniok?
NormanUnderwood: I think our O-line should be acceptable. HYPE TRAIN.
jwillyISU: O-line will be average at best. Receivers need to create separation from corners so Sam can get them the ball in space.
ClonesJer: They need to get open quick... Nothing matters after 2.5 seconds. Sam's already dead.
NormanUnderwood: Not worried about the receivers, or Sam. Assuming he isn't crippled by the Toledo game.
CyHawk: We are so fucked.
NormanUnderwood: But we're ONEproud too.
jwillyISU: Says the loyal fans in our commercial! Just like Hooray for Ames!
NormanUnderwood: That's some great water, man. No wonder I didn't get hungover in college.
CyHawk: Shit yeah, clean water for all.
jwillyISU: NATTY LITE = WATER.
CyHawk: Coors Lite = water. Natty Lite = water that went bad.
NormanUnderwood: I got a King Sue tonight. Watching the Texas football game on Cyclones.tv. Should be a fun 59.25 minutes.
jwillyISU: Make sure to tell Jared Brackens to look for the wheel route on the last drive.
KnowDan: Jer is spot on with receivers and Sam. Line has a job to do and receivers were fine on separation last year. But when your line is shit and teams can play easy cover 2 or cover 3, no separation matters.
NormanUnderwood: Mangino and Richardson were swinging their cocks around in Austin last year.
KnowDan: As were Wimberly and Bibbs.
NormanUnderwood: For sure. Wimberly always brought his A game against UT.
jwillyISU: Who was that WR that almost broke our safety's leg a few years ago on that cheap shot?
NormanUnderwood: Mike Davis? Is that somebody?
KnowDan: #loafing. And it was Davis.
jwillyISU: Mike "Money" Davis! Fuck that thug.
NormanUnderwood: Phew. I felt like I was taking common first and last names and chucking them at the wall. I was very drunk at that game.