Ah, the tailgate. A preparation of the mind, body and soul for receiving of the gift of football. Prior to every game this fall, WRNL will bring you a "Tailgate Preview." We promise to focus very little on the opponent or football in general, and instead turn our efforts to how to get the most out of your tailgating experience. After all, it's common knowledge that Iowa State is more known for tailgating as opposed to football prowess.
Any Cyclone fan worth their well-worn Seneca Wallace jersey knows that game day is incomplete without the feasting, drinking and camaraderie of the tailgate event. In this recurring article we'll highlight the weather, a drink, a dish, and something to keep you busy between sips. So sit back, pop a top or crack a bottle, and let your preparations for this weekend's tailgate begin.
Weather: Perfect for Football
Now, I know I'm not alone when I say last Saturday's weather got just a little too toasty. While warm September weather is perfect if you want to squeeze in a few more rounds of golf before winter rolls in, it can make an afternoon of heavy drinking in full sun rather miserable, which was how many of us felt by about 4 p.m. By the time many Cyclone fans got into Jack Trice Stadium, they were sweating like Ethan Hunt dangling from a rope trying to hack a CIA computer.
Now, onto this week's weather.... It appears that Mother Nature cannot make up her mind (what woman can?). After being well into the 90's throughout the afternoon on Saturday, the high for this weekend's game is: Sixty. Eight. Degrees. After being so effing warm last week, the temperature is now going to drop like the attendance at Iowa home games. The sun will be shining, however, and at least there's no chance of rain for this weekend's game. In addition to the cool temperatures, there will also be a decent breeze on Saturday, meaning we'll unfortunately be able to smell the Iowa fans long before they get to Ames.
To recap the weather: Cool and sunny with a light breeze, and a 100% chance of HATE
Now.... With this Saturday's game being the CyHawk showdown, I decided to go a different direction in terms of food and drink. Since we're playing the Hawkeyes, whose fans are impossible to tolerate sober, we decided that your menu for the day should consist of nothing but....
Food and Drink: Alcohol
Brought to you by the honorable Ted Flint:
Ted here, I'm writing this after shuffleboard league so I hope WRNL has a good censor/editor to clean this up a bit, as I may have had one Vegas Bomb too many. That being said, I've been to every Iowa/Iowa State tailgate in Ames since 2003. While they've all had different kickoff times, two things have never changed: if you want a good tailgate spot you need to be in line before sunrise, and you will be drinking from sunrise to sunset. Since this will be a full day of drinking, your pal Ted will provide a drinking menu for the whole day
Breakfast: Bloody Mary
If you are going to drink all day, you are going have to begin with a good breakfast (as my buddy @blackoutricky says). My go-to Bloody Mary mix when back in Iowa is "Hair of the Dawg." It is made by ex-Iowa basketball player Mark Gannon, but since he played 11 years BF (Before Fred) it doesn't bother me. Plus, the Bloody mix is actually amazing. First, you will need a beef stick* or bacon to use as a stir stick. Then go ahead and put a small cube of cheese, mini pickle, and an olive on a toothpick or one of those fancy plastic swords, and you got yourself a nice little breakfast
*or if you want to go high class you could get a beef stick straw
Samm Surge** (or substitute Monster)
It's going to be a long day, and you are probably hungover and lacking sleep. Now, you might be saying why Surge instead of Red Bull? Well, have you tried the late 90's abomination Surge lately? If not, and you want to get amped for the game, there is nothing better (trust me). I recently got some Surge off eBay, and after a few drinks I felt like I could go toe to toe with Nicolas Cage. So, the next time you are drunk and shopping online, grab some Surge. It won't let you down.
**I can neither confirm nor deny that I got paid to endorse Surge.
Main Course: Strip and Go Naked***
To this day, rumors still abound that Steele Jantz had "Strip and Go Naked" in his water bottle during the 2011 CyHawk game. And if Steele loves it, who are you to not try it? Here's what you will need: six beers of your choice (Natty Light, of course), a can of lemonade concentrate, Vodka (duh) and an empty gallon jug. Pour the beers into the jug, followed by the lemonade concentrate. Fill the concentrate container one and a half times with vodka, and pour them into the jug. Finally, add some ice and shake. Now that you've created your vehicle to a tailgate blackout, you are free to wander round the tailgate lots until you pass out. Take it from Uncle Ted: it tastes how I imagine the tears of Jayhawk fans will taste like after Niang and the boys take this year's conference championship from them.
***If you use this drink while playing flip cup, beer pong or any drinking game, WRNL and Ted can not be held responsible if you start pulling a Brad Banks with your full drinks.
Dessert: Colorado Bulldog
Need something to relax with after a hard day of drinking? Why not more booze! With that in mind, I would like to recommend to you a Colorado Bulldog. You've heard of a White Russian before, right? I mean everyone has seen the Big Lebowski, right? Wait. You haven't seen it??? Anyway, back to that Colorado Bulldog. It's the White Russian's bigger, better tasting older brother. To make one, all you need to do is toss in Vodka (duh), Kahlua, milk or half/half, and top it off with Coke and ice. With a tasty drink in hand, you can sit back in your recliner, enjoy your drink, and drift off to sleep.
Feel free to Tweet at me (@TedFlintKansas), and be sure to track me down at the tailgate. I'll even share my homemade apple pie with you.
If you'd like a real drink suggestion, check out the Iowa Preview for KnowDan's Beer Pick of the Week.
Game: Boom Cup
For those of you who saw me hint about boom cup in last week's tailgate preview, I'm here to tell you that it's the game to play this weekend. Boom cup is a fun game that requires nothing but solo cups, ping pong balls, and a whole lot of beer. The objective of the game: punish your friends, and try hard as you can to not have to drink the death cup... More on that in a minute.
Here's how you play: invite 8-12 of your friends, family members, complete strangers, and a few Hawkeye fans to gather around a big table. That's right, this game is best played if some Hawks tag along. Bear with me, alright? You arrange empty solo cups in a circle in the middle of the table (20-40), and fill them about a quarter full with beer. In the middle, you designate a cup to be the death cup. This cup you fill to the brim with what ever you have lying around: Sake, Bud Ice, Natty Lite, Zima, mustard, peanut butter, mayonnaise, etc. Anything really. I've even seen one game played with a goldfish in the death cup...
Anywho, back to the game. You start by giving two people, who are next to each other, empty solo cups. The goal is to bounce your ping pong ball into your cup. If you make it before the person on your left does, you drop your cup into theirs, and they must drink a cup of beer from the circle. This person, who got "boomed", then passes their cup to their left, and starts again once they finish their drink. Oh, and if you bounce the ball in on your first try, you can pass to whomever you'd like in the circle. In the end, the objective is to not drink the cup in the middle, which goes to the last person to get "boomed."
If you haven't played before, here's some rules to help you out. Now, about those Hawkeye fans. The nature of the game makes it easy to pick on people by continually passing them the cup when you make it. This is what the Hawk fans are for. In the end, if a Cyclone fan drinks the death cup, you have most definitely failed.
To recap, we obviously aren't fans of Cyclone Football for a winning tradition. But when it comes to the CyHawk game, we've been on a little bit of a streak these past 17 years, and would love to see it continue on Saturday. And now, with your definitive tailgate preview in hand, you are ready to take on the Hawkeyes (from the tailgate lots, of course).
Let the party begin!
PSA: Feel free to join the WRNL staff near the intramural fields in lot G7 for some pregame debauchery.