clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Weekly Troll: Trolledo Annual Review

New, 61 comments

Now that most of us have had at least a week to consider rational aspects of our upcoming opponent, it's time to not do that. This is your guide to prove that we, as a collective fan base, are far better than those mouth-breathers. Let's have a look back at all the terrible things they've done in the past year.

I used this last year and I don't care.  It's great.
I used this last year and I don't care. It's great.

Okay, let's all be honest here.  How many of you actually know what Trolledo did last year? Like at all? I have no idea what Trolledo did in football, basketball, or as a collective university. Those of us who want to lie and say you have knowledge of what Trolledo did last year - please go down to the comments right now and tell the world what they did. Please, go ahead.

Anything? No?  Thought so. Anything you read here will have been research off the internets and has been greatly exaggerated by yours truly. If you actually want to learn some horrible things about Trolledo, take a gander at the original troll of Trolledo. I even used the same graphic as I did last year. I DON'T CARE I MADE IT AND I LOVE IT.  Anyways, this might not be the best Weekly Troll: Annual Review, but who gives a shit. It's Trolledo.

The last time we met, you gave us our only home win of the year! Thanks, guys. You made my season ticket purchase last year soooooo worth it. We got so hyped for that game that we even wore our super special yellow gold uniforms. Check it out:

We only wear our yellow gold uni's for the big games with big opponents. I hope we wear these puppies when we come to Trolledo and play in the Glass Bowl. THESE UNI'S ARE SO LOUD THEY MIGHT SHATTER THE GLASS BOWL. You should feel honored.

So now here's the tough part.  How do I go about trolling something I know nothing about or care about in the slightest? Maybe being completely oblivious to their existence is the ultimate troll job... But ending the article here would be pretty low-brow even for my standards. So, I'm just gonna tell what happened in their football season, crack a few jokes, and call it a day. It's really all the troll they deserve.

The next game you ran for just about 300 yards against the Minutemen (HA!) and won by a touchdown. God, I hate this already. You then proceeded to beat the Kent State Golden Flashes by 10, with a pretty balanced attack that time around. That game got you eligible to play in some extra game that slightly more people pay attention to because they have some money in their office pool. So congrats, I guess.

But the next game you're really gonna want to have back. This game was to win the ever powerful MAC West Division. This strong group of teams has been led by Northern Illinois in recent years, and this game was to take that title from NIU. Your quarterback situation became so desperate, you had to have a wide receiver take some snaps for you this game. Hint to Iowa State: PUT ALLEN LAZARD AT QUARTERBACK. IT WILL PUT YOU IN CONTENTION FOR THE MAC WEST. But anyways, you ended losing the game and all the #MACTION glory went to NIU. HA!

You then proceeded to beat your "hated rival" Bowling Green. You "hate" them so much, you apparently aimed an actual missile at Bowling Green in a feeble attempt of small college terrorism. Go ahead, click back to the original troll (LIKE YOU ALREADY SHOULD HAVE). They actually have a missile aimed at Bowling Green. What a bunch of dicks!

After your act of terrorism, you whooped up on someone 'er another and got to a grand total of eight wins and a spot in the prestigious GoDaddy Bowl in Mobile, AL  against Arkansas State. Have you ever been to Alabama? Have you ever been to Mobile? It's a backwoods southern dump where society got perpetually stuck in the 1950's. It's a terrible place that no one should ever want to live, visit, or hold a bowl game in.

And how much do you think the locals actually care for this bowl game of heavyweights? All they can think about is the National Championship that either Alabama or Auburn are almost always in. And this game only happens a couple of days before the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP. JUST BECAUSE THE GAME IS IN THE NEW YEAR DOESN'T MAKE IT WORTH DICK. You won this game. Congrats.

The last thing I'm going to mention is that you then beat the real Arkansas in Fayetteville.

***SIDE NOTE: In the process of my half-ass research for this piece, I stumbled upon the fact that University of Arkansas is supported by ISIS.***

I'm glad you decided to use your missiles to defeat ISIS and not just terrorize Bowling Green.

Either way. God help us.

If you have any other perfectly logical reasons for why we are better than Trolledo, don't hesitate to share in the comments.