After winning just six of his last 29 football games as the head coach at Iowa State University, there's no doubt that Paul Rhoads' seat is so hot, he's sitting on it much like a man with a bad case of hemorrhoids.
Rhoads knows that, unless a miraculous bounce back season occurs, his time in Ames is slowly coming to an end, and he made it clear in a recent press conference what's been on his mind ever since the loss to Toledo.
Knowing Rhoads' history of getting absolutely nothing done following a bye week (he's only 1-6 in his previous seven contests with at least a week of preparation), a reporter from the Iowa State Daily, Larry McTinydong, stood up and asked a simple question: "Will this be a good bye week?"
"You know, I'm getting tired of the media talking about this stuff. We got some real good blue chips that are interested in us, but this type of questioning is what's killing us from reeling those guys in!" screamed Rhoads. "Do you understand how hard it is to even talk to these kids about Ames, Iowa? Huh? DO YA?" as spit flew out of his mouth.
"Coach," McTinydong responded, "I was talking about this week - will it be a good BYE week?"
"Yeah, I know what you're talking about," cried Rhoads. "Stop saying 'goodbye week' and call it what it is: Fired. I just talked to Jamie (Pollard) and he assured me I'll still have my job by the end of the season. So no, I won't be saying 'goodbye' to anyone this week. Dick."
McTinydong sat down and started crying. But once everyone came over and started consoling McTinydong, he gained the confidence to rise up and finish his questioning.
"Coach, what I mean is...you have two weeks to prepare for Kansas. Will this first week be a good week? What are the plans?"
"McTinydong, we've been preparing for Kansas since spring practice. We want this game more than any game on our schedule. A win against Kansas would really propel this program in the right direction. We can't go undefeated in the conference if we don't beat Kansas first" replied Rhoads. "The first three weeks were jokes....we want, no, NEED Kansas. Rhoads, out."
After that, Rhoads walked off the podium, flipped off the crowd, jumped on his motorcycle and did some donuts. After the smoke cleared, he pointed down at his license plate, which read "HERE4EVR," laughed, and drove off into the sunset.