Iowa Hawkeye fans aren't going to take your shit, Stanford marching band - if "band" is even the right word for your collections of misfits! You probably wouldn't even know what a decrescendo was if it slapped you in your stupid, smug, running-up-the-score faces.
The cow thing? What the hell? You don't have any idea what you've brought upon yourselves now. The University of Iowa is a literary and media giant - have you ever even heard of The Writers Workshop?
Iowa doesn't have to take your ridicule. Iowa punches back.
Below is just small sample of success stories from just this year when Iowa fans banded together to stop disrespectful behavior:
- April 2, 2015: Hawkeye fans across the nation band together to stop unwarranted name-calling, as many of them were outraged at being deemed "fools." The name calling stopped IMMEDIATELY.
- April 17, 2015: The pride of the black and gold again come together to petition ESPN to stop using the word "mock" when referring to its NFL draft, as they feel it's probably somehow directed at Iowa. The use of the derogatory term dropped off dramatically just two weeks later.
- July 3, 2015: Groups of Iowa fans are outraged at the lack of respect the program is receiving during the slow summer months. They complain loudly that the Hawkeyes ARE America, and America is AMERICA. Shortly after, patriotism explodes across this great nation as cities nationwide set off fireworks thanks to the persistence of the Hawkeye faithful. Go Hawks!
- September 15, 2015: Even after being told not to, rival Iowa State fans once again suggest that the "ANF" (America Needs Farmers) stickers on the Iowa helmets to not directly help farmers, and is instead somehow a ploy to secure almost mandatory donation dollars from the Farm Bureau. Hawkeye fans respond in unison: "No, it's not!" Boom. Iowa State fans were quieted just days later as the Hawkeyes proved the sticker did actually help farmers by defeating the Cyclones in a game of football. Take that, CyClowns!
- November 10, 2015: National pundit Colin Cowherd suggests Iowa is somehow over-ranked. He uses childish jokes and lame rants to try to disparage the Hawkeye legions. This time, the football team takes care of business in the Big 10 championship game by securing a ROSE BOWL bid. In your face, Colin! Your stupid, stupid face. On Iowa!
- December 1, 2015: Iowa fans discover the website "The Onion" has nothing to do with onions, other vegetables, or agriculture in any way. This does not help farmers at all! Hawkeye efforts to shut down the site are still in progress.
- January 1, 2016: The Stanford band directly insults the Hawkeyes and their fans during halftime of the Granddaddy of Them All (ROSE BOWL!). Taking shots at FarmersOnly.com is officially over the line. You are in the sights of the Iowa faithful now, Stanford. Prepare yourselves to feel the wrath of Hawkeye Nation.